Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I guess it really is just Chuck's world

March 10, 1940 -
Carlos Ray Norris, the world's greatest living human being was born on this date.

* Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

* Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

* Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them.
JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

* Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized bruises on the face.

* Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

* If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

* There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.

March 10, 1938 -
Bette Davis revived her sagging movie career (for the first time) - Jezebel premiered in New York City on this date.

Her portrayal of a hot-tempered Southern belle won her a second Oscar for Best Actress .

Corey Haim appears to have died of a drug overdose this morning. There's nothing funny to say about it - it's just sad.

Today in History -
March 10, 1876 -
It was on this date in 1876 that Alexander Graham Bell conducted the first successful experiment on a radical new technology. He put a "transmitter" in one room of his home and a "receiver" in another. He connected them with wire. He then shouted into the mouthpiece of the transmitter, "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you."

A moment later, his assistant, who had been waiting in the room with the receiver, came into Bell's room and said he had heard and understood everything.

The experiment was a success, and just a few days later Bell received the patent for the worlds first Long-Distance Watson Summonsing Device.

The invention didn't enjoy much commercial success because the market for persons with out-of-earshot assistants named Watson was not as large as Bell had hoped, but it did serve as a major stepping-stone to one of Bell's most significant inventions, the Watson Detonator

March 10, 1948 -
The State owned Communist Newpaper reports that the Czech foreign minister Jan Masaryk was thrown from a window at his apartment in Prague under mysterious circumstances.

Authorities rule his death was a "suicide" and then decide to rule the death as accidentally because he seems to have "fallen while sitting in a yoga position on a window sill to combat insomnia". But most likely he was suffocated first, judging from the fact that he had lost control of his bowels.

I hate when that happens.

March 10,1948 -
...she refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn't boring....

Author and artist, Zelda Fitzgerald died in a fire at Highland Hospital, NC, along with eight other inmates.

She was locked in on the 3rd floor while undergoing insulin-induced coma therapy.

I really hate when that happens.

March 10, 1974 -
Second Lt. Hiroo Onoda of the Imperial Japanese Army surrenders to Philippine authorities. He believed World War II was still underway and continued a 30 year guerrila battle with other islanders. His final capitulation came when his senior officer, Maj. Taniguchi, ordered his surrender.

Upon return to the Japanese homeland, Onoda was treated as a hero, but had difficulty coping with his "postwar" life.

March 10, 1977 -
Roman Polanski gives a thirteen-year old girl Quaaludes and has sex with her during a photo shoot at Jack Nicholson's home. He later flees the country to avoid statutory rape charges.

He would currently be living in Los Angeles (and probably having more fun) if he just went into the bathroom and disciplined the octopus alone.

March 10, 1977 -
Astronomers James L. Elliot, Edward W. Dunham, and Douglas J. Mink discover rings around Uranus.

Allow yourself to giggle like a school girl.

March 10, 1980 -
Jean Harris shot and killed her unfaithful lover, cardiologist Herman Tarnower, co-author of The Complete Scarsdale Medical Diet in his Purchase N.Y. home.

She was granted clemency by Gov. Mario Cuomo after she served 12 years of a 15 year sentence. Harris was released in January 1993.

Sometimes, diets make you a little cranky

And so it goes.

1 comment:

zoe said...