Monday, November 30, 2009

Oh no, run for your lives,

It's Cyborg Monday.

Wait - this just in - it's Cyber Monday. Continue to run for your lives!!!

Our Second Annual Christmas video countdown. Today is - Really bad Holiday Songs:

Oh Cliff, why, why

Warning: watch this video and this song by Wizzard will stick in your head for days, slowly driving you crazy. Fact.

Words simply cannot describe this song by Gunther & the Sunshine Girls - you have to see it to believe it.

Porky is funny for about :30 seconds then it's dreadful the rest of the way:

Perhaps this is the realy reason John died:

Sometimes you have to ask, why did they bother?

Dear friends, we here at 'Today in History' column hope that you will find today's posting a useful tool to help you count the blessing in your lives. Those who remain cynical and ungrateful might find cause for gratitude for at least one of the following historical events.

On November 30, 1935, the German government proclaimed a failure to accept the tenets of Nazism as grounds for divorce.

Be grateful you never married a Nazi.

Jonathan Swift was born on November 30, 1667,

and Mark Twain was born exactly 170 years later, in 1835.

Be grateful that not everyone is taking everything so goddamn seriously.

Winston Churchill (one of my favorite American who became British Prime Minister) was also born on November 30, in 1874, in a coat closet of his family home (really).

Be grateful that not everyone was so grateful for Peace In Our Time.

Otherwise, here are some other events that occurred on this date

November 30, 1900 -
Celebrated Irish author/sodomite Oscar Wilde, dies in Paris of meningitis. Wilde had been charged three times with indecency, specifically "the seduction and corruption of young men." Evidence admitted against him included testimony about fecal stains on his sheets.

Be thankful that we obviously have better cleaning detergents than the French did in 1900.

And remember, "I don't think that Wilde was a homosexual or bisexual, I think he just got carried away at those orgies".

November 30, 1929 -
Dick Clark, the American Bandstander, was born on this date. We heard a rumor about extensive facial plasticizing treatments in the early 1970's. While this rumor remains unverified, we must note that before his unfortunate stroke, the man seemed to no longer age and may not even be human.

Be thankful the few of us are faced with bargaining with Satan for our careers.

November 30, 1954 -
At 1 pm, an 8.5 pound stone meteorite falls from the sky and strikes Ann Elizabeth Hodges from Sylacauga, Alabama. The housewife was seriously bruised but survived, although the meteorite destroyed her radio.

Oh the humanity!

12 more shopping days until Hanukkah, 25 more shopping days until Christmas.

And so it goes.

1 comment:

Maximus said...

I've been reading these every day since Thanksgiving =)

I get a good chuckle, or two, or three, out of them :D

Plus! They can make me sound smarter, when I can say things like, "Did you know yesterday was Mark Twain's birth-date"? ;)