Thursday, November 26, 2009

It's Turkey Day folks

Remember, it's about 20 minutes per pound for a frozen turkey and 15 minutes for a fresh one.

November 26, 1942 -
"Round up the usual suspects", Casablance, premiered in NYC on this date.

I came to Casablanca for the waters.

Today in History:
November 26, 1789 -
The first national Thanksgiving Day is observed in the United States as recommended by President George Washington and approved by Congress.

Thanks George.

As you know, the immigrant scum that settled this country discomfited the uncivilized savages that had lived here before them (having themselves discomfited still other savages). Landing on the east coast and gradually moving west, the wave of aliens pressed the wild savages further and further west until at last they reached the Pacific Ocean and there was nowhere left for them to go.

Or was there?

The Indians clearly continued their westward expansion, because it was just 60 years ago this very day that they finally approved their Constitution . On January 26, 1950, the Constitution took effect On January 26, 1979, "Le Freak" was on the top of the American charts.

It's nice to think there's a connection.

(India should not be confused with the East Indies, which is a consortium of independent film companies on the Lower East Side and which in turn should not be confused with the Yeast Undies - a disgusting concept.)

November 26, 1865 -

Oxford Don and nude child photographer Charles Dodgson, sends the manuscript for the psychedelic novel "Alice in Wonderland" to his 12 year old special friend Alice Liddell.

For some reason her parents did not notify the authorities.

November 26, 1976 -
Anarchy in the UK, (as a single) by theSex Pistols is released.

The song later appeared on Never Mind the Bollocks.

Here is a brief history of the holiday you may wish to share with your loved ones:

In the winter of 1620-1621, a group of immigrants in Massachusetts experienced a devastating winter. The weather was fierce. Food was scarce. Many died. At last spring came, then summer, and by the time of the autumn harvest things were looking about as rosy as they ever look in Massachusetts.

At a fundraising dinner that fall, Governer Bradford stood up and gave a speech.

"Thank God we survived last winter," he said. "Thank God this harvest gives us a fighting chance to survive the coming winter. And thank you for your support in the last election, please make checks payable to the Committee to Re-Elect the Governor, God bless America, amen. Let's eat."

The ensuing winter didn't turn out too badly, so the superstitious immigrants concluded that Governor Bradford's magic spell of "Thanksgiving" had done the trick.

The holiday was intermittently celebrated for years, with an enthusiasm scaled to the previous winter's weather, until November 26, 1789, when President Washington issued a proclamation calling for a nationwide day of thanksgiving for the establishment of the Constitution.

Washington's proclamation wasn't much different from Bradford's.

"Thank God we survived last winter," he said. "Thank God we've got a fighting chance to survive the coming winter. Thank God we've got our own damn country now and don't have to put up with a bunch of meddling European bastards. And thank you for your support in the last election, please make checks payable to Federalists for Washington, God bless America, amen. Let's eat."

Washington, the Constitution, and many of the immigrants (who were now Americans) survived the winter, so this new spell was also deemed effective.

President Lincoln later proclaimed the last Thursday of November Thanksgiving Day in 1863, but President Roosevelt moved it back to the fourth Thursday of the month in 1939 to extend the time available for holiday shopping.

President Ford proposed making it the third Wednesday in September, in order to really extend the time available for holiday shopping, but he only made the proposal to his golden retriever, Liberty, so the suggestion never reached congress.

And so we celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday of November every year, in honor of having survived last winter, having got rid of those meddling European bastards, having invented our own rules, having bitch-slapped the Confederacy, and having plenty of time to shop before the holidays.

29 more shopping days until Christmas, 16 more shopping days until Hanukkah. Shop til you drop. Remember, if you don't, we won't have an economy.

And so it goes

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