Here's Your Today in History:
August 23, 1305 -
Scottish patriot William Wallace (Mel Gibson) was persuaded to take an early retirement. According to one eyewitness: "He was hung in a noose, and afterwards let down half-living; next his genitals were cut off and his bowels torn out and burned in a fire; then and not till then his head was cut off and his trunk cut into four pieces. At this point he was given a gold watch, and a humorous card that we had all signed."
August 23 1914 -
Japan declared war on Germany. Much confusion and embarrassment ensues about 25 years later when this point is brought up at a meeting of the Axis powers.
August 23 1926 -
Rudolf Valentino dies. Sales of the Sheik condoms soar.
There's a very dirty joke I could insert here but recent FCC rulings prevent me.
August 23 1927 -
Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti were executed in Massachusetts, on this date. Their guilt is still disputed.
August 23 1939-
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4c/MolotovRibbentropStalin.jpg
Joachim von Ribbentrop and Josef Stalin signed a non-aggression pact, allowing Germany to attack Poland and the USSR to invade Finland without fears of reprisal. Three years later, the Battle of Stalingrad began. (The battle of Stalingrad was fought by Germans and Russians, in case the irony was lost on you.) Moral: secret wartime pacts with evil conquering bastards aren't any more reliable in the real world than they are in a game of Risk.
August 23 1968 -
The Youth International Party designates Pigasus as their choice of candidate for U.S. President. The boar hog is introduced at a press conference outside the Chicago Civic Center, with the slogan "They nominate a President and he eats the people. We nominate a President and the people eat him." The gathering is broken up shortly thereafter when the Chicago PD takes into custody the Yippie organizers and their pig.
(sorry the video quality isn't great)
August 23 1994 -
Inside an abandoned boathouse on the Scottish island of Jura, two members of the band KLF set fire to 20,000 fifty pound notes in front of witnesses.
It takes two hours to burn all 1,000,000 pounds. Stupid bastards
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