Saturday, October 16, 2010

Another Holiday created by Midwestern Sugar Interests

One would naturally think it but, the Sweetest Day is not the celebration of the invention of Gin. It is an observance celebrated on the third Saturday in October. While it is not as large or widely observed as Valentine's Day, it is still celebrated in parts of the United States, despite persistent allegations of being a "Hallmark holiday."

I say celebrate by NOT burning down your local Hallmark store

(but by not urinating randomly - piss directly on your local Hallmark store.)

The Next episode of THE MIS-INFORMANT

Today in History:
On this date in 1792 (or 1799), there was baptised in Tegucigalpa, Honduras, a boy named Francisco Morazàn. He was young, like most newborns, and full of idealism. After a disappointing childhood, in which he turned out not to have been born to wealth and privilege, he decided first to educate himself and then to enlist in the fight against Mexican annexation of Honduras.

After a disappointing loss, in which Honduras turned out to be a part of Mexico even though neither of them was any longer a part of Spain, Morazàn joined the government of the United Provinces of Central America. Two years later he was the president of the Honduras State legislature, and the following year he became president of the entire United Provinces by means of the traditional Central American electoral process ("civil war").

As president, he tried to limit the powers of the Roman Catholic Church, which eventually led to a new round of elections ("civil wars") that produced a new president, this time from the State of Guatemala. The new president exiled Morazàn, who returned several years later calling for electoral reform ("revolution") and was therefore impeached ("shot in the head") by one of his own troops.

It's a holiday in Honduras today.

But it is not a holiday in Guatemala.

Or Mexico.

Deposed French queen Joséphe Jeanne Marie Antoinette sits in an open cart, enduring hours of public ridicule as she is slowly driven around the streets of Paris, on this day in 1793.

Finally, she is taken to the guillotine. Before she loses her head, Antoinette tells the crowd: "Farewell, my children, forever. I go to your Father."

She wasn't having a good day.

It's also the birthday of Oscar Wilde (1854), known for his barbed wit, was one of the most successful playwrights of late Victorian London, and one of the greatest celebrities of his day.

In between bouts of buggery, he found time to write the following passage in The Picture of Dorian Gray: "Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the caveman had known how to laugh, History would have been different." Unfortunately for Oscar, had he fled England in the spring of 1895, his history would have been different.

I believe that cavemen did indeed know how to laugh, and that people who accuse humanity of being too serious obviously aren't paying attention. Voluminous scientific research has incontrovertibly proven that we are the only species to giggle at one other's farts.

I reminds you that our lives are haphazard accidents in an indifferent world and that the very absurdity of life is what gives it the most meaning. Burp. Laugh.

Ignore the serious bastards (and remember that we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.)

October 16, 1946 -
At Nuremberg, Germany, 10 high-ranking Nazi officials were executed by hanging for World War II war crimes.

Hermann Goering, founder of the Gestapo and chief of the German air force,

was to have been among them but he committed suicide in his cell the night before.

The hangings were badly botched as of the prisoners were slowly strangle to death. That must have been some neck stretching party.

October 16, 1964 -
China detonated its first atomic bomb and became the world's 4th nuclear power.

For god sakes, please tip the delivery guys a hell of a lot more.

October 16, 1972 -
A light plane carrying House Democratic leader Hale Boggs of Louisiana (the most outspoken and critical member of the Warren Commission) and three other men was reported missing in Alaska. The plane was never found.

Perhaps if they had that bridge to nowhere, they would have found them.

October 16, 1984 -
Black Anglican Bishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa won the Nobel Peace Prize for his struggle against apartheid.

Sometimes, the good guys win.

And so it goes


zoe said...

ha! i love the whole section on oscar wilde and farting. :D

Jim H. said...

It ain't such a long drop
don't stammer, don't stutter
from the diamonds in the sidewalk
to the dirt in the gutter
and you carry those bruises
to remind you
wherever you go.

-- John Prine