Tuesday, April 20, 2010

An Open Letter to Iceland

Dear Iceland,

I'm sure you didn't mean to disrupt the entire world with your volcano. It must be very awkward with the world's eye's upon you. But please, try to find a virgin somewhere to sacrifice to your ancient gods (I'm sure it's going to be tough finding a virgin with all your legendary boozing and carousing.)

Think of the poor newscasters trying to pronounce Eyjafjallajokull - one of them is going to choke on their own tongue any day now. Think of the native New Yorkers. Tourists are a necessary evil - they spend money here like drunken sailors (thanks to the crappy value of the US dollar.) But they usually go home.

Poor tourist with no money begin to really stink like dead fish after three days (especially without showers.) So please, I'm sure there must be some ugly blond haired, blue eyed Icelandic woman who would take one for the team.

Sincerely Yours,
A Native New Yorker

If you or your kid cuts work or school today, he just might have a chemical dependency.

That's all we're gonna say. (And it has nothing to do with the Anniversary of Columbine.)

April 20, 1977 -
Annie Hall, at 93 minutes, the shortest color film to ever win the Best Picture Oscar, premiered on this date (Marty, in glorious B & W was 91 minutes.)

The film's working title was Anhedonia - the inability to feel pleasure. United Artists fought against it (among other things, they were unable to come up with an ad campaign that explained the meaning of the word) and Woody Allen compromised on naming the film after the central character three weeks before the film's premiere. Other titles suggested were It Had to Be Jew, A Rollercoaster Named Desire, and Me and My Goy.

Today in History:
April 20, 1233 -
Pope Gregory IX places the Inquisition, in existence since 1227, under the aegis of the Dominican Order. Torture is apparently sometimes necessary to save souls, and the office continues to exist today as the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

And until a few years ago, the congregation was headed by Prefect Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger.

April 20, 1889 -
In Braunau, Austria, Klara Hitler gives birth to a bouncing baby little evil bastard named Adolf.

April 20, 1979 -
President Jimmy Carter is attacked by a Killer Swamp Rabbit, while on vacation in Plains GA. The rabbit swam menacingly towards him, and he had to repel the ferocious creature with a paddle. There were no injuries.

Press Secretary Jody Powell leaked the story to the press, and the White House had a lot of explaining to do.

April 20, 1992 -
Alone in his apartment watching TV, British comedic legend Benny Hill suffers a fatal heart attack.

His bloated toupee less body with his underwear around this ankles are found four days later

And so it goes

No comments: