Happy Birthday Wikipedia.

I was going to start with the anniversary of the start of wikipedia but two stars of note passed away yesterday that demanded attention much be paid:

Patrick McGoohan, 80, star of the 1967 The Prisoner series died Tuesday in a Los Angeles hospital following a brief illness.








Ricardo Montalban, 88, died Wednesday at his home in Los Angeles. The Mexico City-native starred in big MGM musicals in the 1950s and later in the 1970s/80s became well-known as the enigmatic and mysterious Mr. Roarke in the Aaron Spelling television series Fantasy Island on ABC.







What do you think the quality of the corinthian leather is in Heaven?


Here is your Today in History (and it's chock full of history today) -



Most Americans believe that Martin Luther King, Jr, was born on the third Monday in January, but in our eagerness to celebrate the reverend’s accomplishments, we are overlooking two classic icons of American culture whose birthdays occur in the same week. Unlike the venerable Reverend King, these two figures represent not the American Ideal but the American Reality and, as such, deserve our recognition. Therefore, in the tradition of "President’s Day," that floating amalgation of Lincoln’s and Washington’s birthdays that has at last become a kind of collective presidential birthday, let us choose one day this week to celebrate not only the two individuals whose identities will be revealed in a moment, but everything they represent. Let us take this one day a year to acknowledge all that is great in America, as personified by Charles Nelson Reilly (1/13/31) and Charo (1/15/51).

Why are they important? Because they represent everything magnificent about America in this century, everything grand and glorious about our unique blend of liberty, commercialism, and shiny red sequin dresses. Charles Nelson Reilly made a career out of a weak chin, a few peculiar facial expressions, and a whiney sound that cannot be done justice on paper (but sounded something like "neeyeh!").



It might be said that Charo made her fame the old-fashioned way, by wriggling around in scanty clothes, but then how does one account for the millions of women who’ve shaken their hoochies and shimmied their coochies before and since with nary a guest appearance on "Love Boat?" No, Charo wasn’t simply a titillating nymphet, but a titillating nymphet who yelped and squealed like a dog in heat.



Very well, you say: maybe Charles Nelson Reilly made his fortune off a weak chin and "neeyeh," and maybe Charo made hers off a yelpy squeal, so what? What’s any of this got to do with America? Who cares?

I cares and you should care. The important thing isn’t that they made their particular fortunes by means of those particular eccentricities, but that they were ABLE to do so. Our nation is great not because people like Charles Nelson Reilly and Charo succeed here, but because they CAN succeed here. It’s important to support the ideals of liberty and justice and equality before the law, but it’s just as important—nay, perhaps more important—to celebrate the reality that we’re more than Democracy’s standard bearer, more than the defender of oppressed peoples, more than the "last best hope"—we are unbelievably silly! We’re sillier than any other nation on the face of the earth, and it’s time to stop being ashamed. It’s time to stand up for silliness, and that is what I believe

(I only wish Adrienne Barbeau had been born on the same week - it would have been the perfect trifecta.)

January 15, 1759 -
The British Museum, one of the the largest and most comprehensive in the world, opened to the public on this date.



Maybe someday they'll return the Elgin Marbles back to the kids in Greece (but that's another story.)


On January 15 in 1892, a little magazine in Springfield, Massachusetts, first published the rules for a brand new game that involved tossing a ball into a high-mounted peach basket.



This was, of course, the precursor of what is today known as "Peachbasket," still as popular as ever in Springfield, Massachusetts.


January 15, 1943 -
Just outside of Washington, DC in Arlington , VA, The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office building.



It covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of corridors. Think what you could do to the DC sewer system if you could have a co-ordinated flush of all the toilets in the building?


January 15, 1947 -
A passerby spotted the nude body of Elizabeth Short, a 22 year old actress in a vacant lot near Hollywood. Her body, cut in half, was bruised and beaten. Grass had reportedly been forced into her vagina, and she had reportedly been sodomized after death. The case was dubbed The Black Dahlia murder and over the years as manner as 50 men and women have confessed to this gruesome crime yet it has never been solve.

For those of you with stronger constitutions than mine, you may go to -

http://www.bethshort.com

to view truly horrifying actual crime scene photos (you sick puppies)


January 15, 1967-
The Green BayPackers beat the Kansas City Chiefs in Superbowl I.



Much to the dismay of television historians, all known broadcast tapes which recorded the game in its entirety were subsequently destroyed in a process of wiping, the reusing videotape by taping over previous content. Oops.


January 15, 1974 -
America once again, found it's thrill, on Blueberry Hill. The first episode of Happy Days (series) airs. Potsie sets Richie up with that Mary Lou slut.



As I'm sure you all remember, the Happy Days Pilot was shown as a segment of Love American Style.

January 15, 1983 -
Meyer Lansky, retired Jewish organized crime genius, (rumored to have photographic proof that J. Edgar Hoover was a homosexual; conspiracy theorists believed this was the reason Hoover wasn't aggressive in pursuing organized crime), died of a fatal nosebleed at Mount Sinai Hospital.



It is not clear where Lansky's estimated $300 million fortune went. Once again, what a way to go!


January 15, 2001 -
Happy Birthday Wikipedia. Wikipedia was formally launched on this date, as a single English-language edition at www.wikipedia.com (now found at www.en.wikipedia.org.)


And so it goes.

Happy New Year's Day

It's January 1st for those of you who don't use that new fangled Gregorian Calendar and still keep stock with the Julian Calendar.

I bet you were up all night partying like it was 1581.

January 14, 1858 -

Emperor Napoleon III (having the unusual distinction of being both the first titular president and the last monarch of France) and Empress Eugenie escape unhurt after an Italian assassin throws a bomb at their carriage as they travel to the Paris Opera to see Rossini's William Tell, Orsini and his accomplices threw three bombs at the imperial carriage. The first bomb landed among the horsemen in front of the carriage. The second bomb wounded the animals and smashed the carriage glass. The third bomb landed under the carriage and seriously wounded a policeman who was hurrying to protect the occupants. Eight people were killed and 142 wounded, though the emperor and empress were unhurt. Napoleon, ever the politician, realized that he and Eugénie had to proceed to the performance and appear in their box.



They apparently, really wanted to see the opera.

January 14, 1900 -


Speaking of opera, Giacomo Puccini's opera "Tosca" premieres in Rome.




January 14, 1919 -
Andy Rooney, American humorist, author, television personality and owner of one of the world's largest eye brows, was born on this date.




January 14, 1956 -
Womp-bomp-a-loom-op-a-womp-bam-boom!



Little Richard releases "Tutti Frutti". And yet Pat Boone's cover of the song rose higher in the charts on it's initial release.




January 14, 1957 -Humphrey Bogart, the Greatest Male Star of All Time, model for the Gerber baby and founding member of the Hollywood Rat Pack (a phrase coined by Lauren Bacall) finally decided to let the world catch up with his three drink lead and succumbs to cancer of the esophagus.



At his funeral, John Huston eulogised that:

Bogart never took himself too seriously—his work most seriously. He regarded the somewhat gaudy figure of Bogart, the star, with an amused cynicism; Bogart, the actor, he held in deep respect…In each of the fountains at Versailles there is a pike which keeps all the carp active; otherwise they would grow overfat and die. Bogie took rare delight in performing a similar duty in the fountains of Hollywood. Yet his victims seldom bore him any malice, and when they did, not for long. His shafts were fashioned only to stick into the outer layer of complacency, and not to penetrate through to the regions of the spirit where real injuries are done."


January 14, 1980 -
The Blues Brothers movie with Dan Akroyd & John Belushi opens.



I know you're going to be shocked, but during filming, John Belushi apparently got drunk, went to a stranger's house, asked if he could have a glass of milk and a sandwich and then crashed on their couch for a couple of hours before the cast and crew found him.


And so it goes

Does that come with fries on the side

Student auctions off virginity for offers of more than 3.8 million
Telegraph (Jan 13)

A student who is auctioning her virginity to pay for a masters degree in Family and Marriage therapy has seen bidding hit 3.8 million.

Natalie Dylan, 22, claims her offer of a one-night stand has persuaded 10,000 men to bid for sex with her.



Last September, when her auction came to light, she had received bids up to $243,000 but since then interest in her has rocketed.

The student who has a degree in Women's Studies insisted she was not demeaning herself.

Miss Dylan, from San Diego, California said she was persuaded to offer herself to the highest bidder after her sister Avia, 23, paid for her own degree after working as a prostitute for three weeks.

She said she had had a lot of attention from a wide range of men, including "weirdos", "those who get really graphically sexual about what they want to do to me" and "lots of polite requests from rich businessmen".

Miss Dylan said she did not think it was particularly significant to be willing to sell your virginity and insisted that she was happy to undergo medical tests for any doubters.

She said: "I get some men who are obviously looking for a girlfriend but I try and make it clear that this is a one-night-only offer.

"I know that a lot of people will condemn me for this because it's so taboo but I really don't have a problem with that.

"My study is completely authentic in that I truly am auctioning my virginity but I am not being sold into this. I'm not being taken advantage of in any way.

"I think me and the person I do it with will both profit greatly from the deal."

She added: "It's shocking that men will pay so much for someone's virginity, which isn't even prized so highly anymore."



I'm sure Mr & Mrs Dylan are very proud of their daughters.

UPDATE - I've just heard that the 'gentleman' who placed the leading bid will only 'come through' with the money if he can videotape the encounter. This story just gets classier by the minute.


January 13, 1832 -
Horatio Alger, Jr., pederast, minister and American children's author (Ragged Dick, Tattered Tom) is born.



Stop snickering.


January 13, 1862 -
President Lincoln names Edwin M. Stanton Secretary of War. He vigorously pursued the apprehension and prosecution of the conspirators involved in Lincoln's assassination. These proceedings were not handled by the civil courts, but by a military tribunal, and therefore under Stanton's supervision.



Staton was appointed by President Grant to the Supreme Court, but he died four days after he was confirmed by the Senate, and taking the oath of office on his deathbed, set the record for shortest tenure on the Court.


January 13, 1900 -
To combat Czech nationalism, Emperor Franz Joseph of Austria-Hungary decrees German the official language of the Imperial Army.



This causes all of the Esperanto schools in Austria-Hungarian Empire to close.


January 13, 1919 -
California votes to ratify the prohibition amendment. Much heavy drinking ensues.


January 13, 1919 -
Robert Stack, actor best know for his role as Elliot Ness in the T.V. series "The Untouchables" was born.






And so it goes.

2008 Word of the Year

According to the American Dialect Society is:

bailout

as in the phrase - I'm an American Auto Maker. I've continually made bad economic decisions for years. I need a bailout or I'll go bankrupt.

Other nominees for word of the year:

Barack Obama
lipstick on a pig
change
shovel-ready
game-changer


Here is your Today in History -

If you were ever an alter boy or ever took Latin, I don't need to tell you what jacta alea est means. But if you're like most Americans, to whom Latin is about as familiar as Urdu, let me translate: it means the die is cast. At least that's how it's usually translated. Back in the early days of English, when the phrase was first translated, that's how they would have said "the dice are thrown."

This Latin snippet is important for a couple of reasons. Firstly because it demonstrates the popularity of gambling with dice in the ancient world, which is an important bit of trivia for keeping wayward adolescents interested in the classics; secondly because it's a short little Latin phrase you can drop into conversation to impress snobs; thirdly because the event of its utterance changed the course of western civilization for ever.

The line was uttered by Julius Caesar on this very date in 49 BC. Caesar and his army had just crossed the Rubicon, a little stream in northern Italy. The Roman Senate had long ago established a rule that Roman citizens should be forbidden from crossing the the Rubicon with their armies, since they figured anyone coming south toward Rome with an entire army probably wasn't up to any good.



(If the Roman Senate had really wanted to play it safe, maybe they should have designed the infrastructure of their empire so that all roads didn't lead to Rome—but that's beside the point.)

You may be wondering why Caesar would set out to break the law this way. He had, after all, been a popular and successful general and had been governor of Gaul for some time. But that's exactly why he decided to cross the Rubicon: he had become so popular and so powerful that the Roman Senate ordered him to disband his army and give up Gaul.
Which has always made me wonder why the Roman Senate didn't say "jacta alea est" after issuing their demands. Maybe they were just too eager to get back to their dice.

Anyway, by crossing the Rubicon Caesar had officially committed treason and launched the Roman Civil War. I've also saved you several hours of watching HBO series 'Rome'. Except for the naked parts.

The rest is history.


January 12, 1865 -
General William T. Sherman issues Special Field Order No. 15, entitling the household of each freed slave "a plot of no more than forty acres of tillable ground" along the Carolina coastline between Charleston and Jacksonville. After the Confederate surrender, the Johnson administration makes a halfhearted attempt to follow through on the acreage, but all efforts to parcel out the land in question are abandoned just a few months later.


January 12, 1965 -
At 10:58 a.m. PST, scientists conduct what they called a "controlled excursion", burning up a nuclear rocket in Nevada and putting a radioactive cloud over Los Angeles. So now you know why most people in L.A. are crazy (sorry West Coast readers : )




January 12, 1966 -
Holy homoeroticism!!! ABC premieres the brightly colored underwear wearing, perfectly genitally arranged comedy "Batman" today.




January 12, 1971 -
Oh Geez, stifle yourself. The first episode of "All in the Family" made television history by broadcasting the sound of a toilet flushing.



This is not, however, the first time a toilet tank is seen on television. That honor goes to "Leave it to Beaver" premiere episode, "Captain Jack" back in 1957.




And so it goes.

A Birthday Shout Out

January 11, 1971 -
Mary Jane Blige, eight-time Grammy Award-winning and Golden Globe-nominated American R&B singer-songwriter rapper, record producer, and actress, was born on this date.

Mary J. Blige - New Music - More Music Videos

Mary J. Blige - New Music - More Music Videos

Today in History -

Harry Gordon Selfridge was born on January 11, 1864. Though American-born, he is best known as the founder of the British store Selfridge and Co., Ltd (think Macy's, for those of you unfamiliar with the store). He receives little or no attention here in the United States. His name does not appear in any textbooks, he is not honored with any holidays, his image does not appear on any currency, and his biography has never aired on A&E. And yet Mr. Selfridge’s philosophy has had more impact on western civilization than a dozen Aristotles.



His great maxim is uttered carelessly by a million voices every day, is enshrined in the halls of commerce and government alike, and has permeated our culture to the point where it has become a cliché. Like most successful ideas, we can hardly imagine that his concept was ever new or controversial; we must strain our imaginations to conceive a world unilluminated by his wisdom.

It was Mr. Selfridge’s philosophy that "the customer is always right."

This was an unorthodox, even heretical proclamation to the ears of nineteenth century merchants, who had been operating--like their parents and grandparents and scores of generations before them--under the assumption that the customer was an idiot who didn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.



Prior to widespread acceptance of Mr. Selfridge’s theory, exchanges between merchant and customer often went something like this:

Customer: "This is a terrible shirt. There’s no hole for my head, the arms are too long, and it barely comes down over my shoulders."

Merchant: "That’s because it’s a pair of pants, you jackass."

After the revelation of consumer infallibility, however, the same exchange was more likely to go something like this:

Customer: "This is a terrible shirt. There’s no hole for my head, the arms are too long, and it barely comes down over my shoulders."

Merchant: "You’re absolutely right, of course. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. You can rest assured we’ll have our seamstresses taken out and shot."



Consumer infallibility changed the face of commerce because instead of producing goods and then trying to force them upon the public, merchants began appraising the public’s needs and trying to provide products and services that met them. Merchants became less inclined to insult, spit at, or strike their customers, and more inclined to take them out to dinner.
This shift dovetailed nicely with the growth of political pluralism, which saw governments becoming more responsive to their electorates based on the premise that "the voter is always right." (It has been argued, however, that whether they are made love to or raped, most electorates still end up screwed.)

Mr. Selfridge’s birthday should be celebrated throughout western civilization as a holiday of emancipation, no less significant than the signing of the Magna Carta, the drafting of the U.S. Constitution, or the invention of microwave popcorn.


January 11, 1878
Milk was first delivered in bottles on this date. Previously, one had to keep a cow in a spare room of their apartment making taking out the trash a mandatory daily occurance.



Did you know?

...that the nipples of the Ancient Greek statue Victorious Youth (In the Getty Museum) were cast in copper to contrast with the bronze of the torso.



You never know, this might come up.


And so it goes.

Maybe it's because of the oncoming economic depression

More in US Obese Than Just Overweight
Reuters (Dec. 9) -

The number of obese American adults outweighs the number of those who are merely overweight, according to the latest statistics from the federal government.

Numbers posted by the National Center for Health Statistics show that more than 34 percent of Americans are obese, compared to 32.7 percent who are overweight. It said just under 6 percent are "extremely" obese.

America pride should not be showing on this record.


Here is your Today in History -

Common Sense was a pamphlet written by Thomas Paine. It was first published anonymously (not that Tom didn't know his name - it was theoretically punishable by death to denounce the crown and Tom wasn't quick looking for death at that time) on January 10, 1776, before the American Revolution. Paine wrote it with editorial feedback from Benjamin Rush, who came up with the title. The document denounced British rule, and through its immense popularity contributed to fomenting the American Revolution. The second edition was published soon thereafter. A third edition, with an accounting of the worth of the British navy, an expanded appendix, and a response to criticism by the Quakers, was published on February 14, 1776.



January 10 1883 -
A fire at the six-story Newhall Hotel in Milwaukee kills more than 71 people. For years this was considered one of the worst single structure fires in the United States. Two famous midgets residing there, General Tom Thumb (Charles Sherwood Stratton) and his brother-in-law Commodore Nut, are rescued by firefighters.



January 10 1927 -
The film Metropolis was released. It was the most expensive silent film of the time, costing approximately 7 million Reichsmark to make.



While that seems like a very large sum of money due to the incredibly crushing inflation running rampant in Germany at the time, you could also just about buy a loaf of marble rye with that amount of money.

January 10 1948 -
Donald Fagen, singer and front man of the rock band Steely Dan, was born on this date.






January 10 1982 -
You could no longer go to Paul Lynde to block on this date. Mr. Lynde was found dead of a heart attack, naked and holding a bottle of poppers in his West Hollywood home. Mr. Lynde's bed companion, it appears, had fled without bothering to call 911 to report the emergency.



Kids, remember you might get you kicks with hustlers but don't count on them to call the paramedics.


---THIS WEEK’S HEALTH TIP---
Quit stuffing your face and get off your big fat ass - the holidays are over..

And so it goes.

I believe they keep checking to see if he'll really dead

Here is your Today in History -

It's the birthday of the 37th president of the United States, Richard Milhous Nixon, (born in Yorba Linda, California (1913). He had a childhood full of tragedy and disappointment. When Nixon was 12, his older brother had a vision of young Dick's future and got a headache that turned out to be meningitis. He died a month later. Nixon said that he cried for weeks afterward. A few years later, Nixon's other brother caught tuberculosis and spent five years in a cut-rate sanitarium before he died. The cost of his treatment drained the family's resources, and Nixon had to turn down a partial scholarship to Harvard. He did get a full scholarship to Duke Law School, but he had to live in a one-room shotgun shack with no plumbing or electricity. He was forced to shave in the women's room of the Duke University library and bathe in a local bird bath.

Nixon's luck only began to change when he decided to join the military during World War II. Although raised a Quaker - morals never seemed to stand in his way. Nixon was interested in politics, and he knew that military service would look good on his résumé. One of the many things he learned in the military (besides compiling lists of his enemies) was that he was a fantastic cheat at poker. By the end of the war, he had earned almost $10,000. When he got back to civilian life, he used that money to fund his first political campaign.



He managed to win his first election for Congress, and he served as vice president under Dwight Eisenhower. Eisenhower suffered from heart problems and Nixon would try to entertain the ailing President by jumping out from behind the furniture shooting, "Boo" or "Oh My God, the Communists have begun bombing New Haven". Nixon was defeated for the presidency by John F. Kennedy in 1960 due in part to a perceived lack of personal hygiene. Then, in 1962, he lost a campaign for governor of California, and suddenly it seemed like his career was over. But just six years later, he was elected president of the United States.



His policies as president were surprisingly liberal by today's standards. He began arms control agreements with the Soviet Union and eased relations with China. He established the Environmental Protection Agency, expanded Social Security and state welfare programs, and he tried to create a national health insurance system.



The Watergate investigations eventually forced Nixon to resign in 1974. At his last meeting with his Cabinet in 1974, Nixon burst into tears. He told them, "Always give your best, never get discouraged, never be petty. Always remember, others may hate you, but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself."




Also born on this date -

January 9, 1911 (or 1913)
Rose Louise Hovick, actress, ecdysiast and writer, was born on this date.







Sing out Louise!!!


January 9, 1915 -
Fernando Álvaro Lamas y de Santos, actor and director, was born on this date.






When a person has an accent, it means he can speak one more language than you.


And so it goes.

I've been angry before but this is ridiculous

Man Wants Ex to Pay for Donated Kidney

(Jan. 7) - When they were married, a New York doctor gave up one of his kidneys to save his ailing wife. Now they’re getting a divorce, and he wants it back.

Dr. Richard Batista said Wednesday he is suing his estranged wife, Dawnell. Since he doesn’t really expect her to return the kidney, he is demanding $1.5 million in compensation instead.

Batista claims his wife had an affair.

“There’s no deeper pain or betrayal from somebody you loved and devoted your whole life to,” he told a news conference at his lawyer’s office in Garden City on Long Island.

Dr. Batista, I suggest you read the Merchant of Venice before you go much further with this tact.

But here's a dedication to the very unhappy Dr. -




Also Happy Birthday Davy Jones (no, not that one)








Here's your Today in History -

The only 'recognized' monarchy to reign in the United States died on this dates.



Joshua Norton was a businessman in San Francisco in the 1800's. In the 1840's, just before the Gold Rush, he tried to corner the market on rice and failed. He went from being very wealthy to being destitute overnight and the experience completely shattered his reason. A couple of months after this event, he put on a formal admiral's uniform, complete with gold braid and epaulets and strode in to the office of the newspaper. He handed the editor a large, official looking proclamation which stated in quite formal language that, due to popular demand, he hereby declared himself Emperor Norton I of San Francisco, California, and Mexico. He bade all his subjects show him loyalty and the other courtesies due a person of such eminent stature.



From the pictures of Emperor Norton, it is immediately apparent that this guy has gone around the bend and ain't coming back. His eyes pointed in different directions, and neither one quite caught straight ahead. His uniform was formal to the point of almost gaudy and, at the same time, it was quite apparent that he and soap were not of regular acquaintance.The editor, with a rich sense of humor, decided to publish the proclamation on the front page of the newspaper, in all seriousness. The citizens of San Francisco, being what they are, immediately decided that this sounded like a good idea and, by unanimous acclamation, accepted Norton as their Emperor. It is undoubtedly the only time in history they ever had an unanimous vote on anything.



He reigned for about forty years. During that time he ate in all of the finest restaurants and slept in the finest hotels for free -- because he was the Emperor. He had three seats permanently reserved in the front row of the San Francisco opera house -- one for him, and one each for his two dogs. Twice a year he would review the police and fire departments as they paraded by, and then he would make a grand speech to the assembled crowds. He printed his own money, which was accepted in business establishments around San Francisco as legal tender. When bicycles first came out, they got him a bicycle, too, and he looked all the more daft because of it. When one of his dogs died, 10,000 people turned out for the funeral to console their grief-stricken emperor. When the Civil War rolled around, he graciously offered his alliance and military support to Abraham Lincoln, who politely declined.



Make no mistake about it, the Emperor Norton was as good a loony as you have ever run across and I can't help feeling that a man who was that intelligent must have had some idea of just how completely nuts he really was.

Now here's the problem. During his reign as Emperor, Norton came up with three major ideas:


1) He called upon the other leaders of the world to join him in forming a League of Nations where disputes between nations could be resolved peacefully.

2) He suggested that parts of San Francisco Bay be filled in to make more room to build.

3) He proposed that a suspension-span bridge be built across the spot where the Golden Gate stands now. He even laid out a complete design that looks remarkably close to the bridge that was built sixty years after he died. He correctly predicted that only a suspension span bridge would have the strength to span such a large stretch, and the flexibility to stand up under the extreme stress which would be placed on such a structure. He did this at a time when the only suspension bridges ever built were rope bridges in remote parts of Africa.

Of course, when he proposed these ideas, the response was long and uproarious laughter -- the Emperor was up to his old tricks again. In time, all of his ideas became reality. At the time, no one believed him.

On the evening of January 8, 1880, Joshua Norton collapsed on the corner of California Street and Dupont Street (now Grant Avenue) while on his way to a lecture at the Academy of Sciences. His collapse was immediately noticed by another citizen who raised the alarm, and "the police officer on the beat hastened for a carriage to convey him to the City Receiving Hospital."Norton died before the carriage could arrive.

The following day the San Francisco Chronicle published his obituary on its front page under the headline "Le Roi est Mort" ("the King is Dead"). In a tone tinged with sadness, the article respectfully reported that, "On the reeking pavement, in the darkness of a moon-less night under the dripping rain…, Norton I, by the grace of God, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, departed this life". The Morning Call, another leading San Francisco newspaper, published a front-page article using an almost identical sentence as a headline: "Norton the First, by the grace of God Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico, departed this life."


When the initial funeral arrangements were made a pauper's coffin of simple redwood had been procured for the departed. However, the members of the Pacific Club (a San Franciscan businessmen's association) deemed this to be completely unacceptable. After establishing a funeral fund, the members rapidly raised a sufficient amount to purchase a handsome rosewood casket and arranged a suitably dignified farewell. Reports indicated that respects were paid "…by all classes from capitalists to the pauper, the clergyman to the pickpocket, well-dressed ladies and those whose garb and bearing hinted of the social outcast." Norton's funeral was a solemn, mournful and large affair. Some accounts report that as many as 30,000 people lined the streets to pay homage, and that the funeral cortege was two miles long. He was buried at the Masonic Cemetery, at the expense of the City of San Francisco. The day after his funeral, January 11, 1880, the San Francisco skies were blackened with a solar eclipse.


The Battle of New Orleans takes place on January 8, 1815, and was the final major battle of the War of 1812. American forces, with General Andrew Jackson in command, defeated an invading British Army intent on seizing New Orleans and America's vast western lands.



Unfortunately the war ended with the signing of The Treaty of Ghenton 24 December 1814. News of the peace would not reach New Orleans until February. Oops


January 8, 1935 -A bright star shone in the east - letting all know that Elvis the King was born today in, Tupelo Mississippi.




January 8, 1992 -
George Bush, sick with the stomach flu, decides not to excuse himself at a Tokyo state dinner. He vomits in the lap of the Japanese Prime Minister while cameras are rolling, to the great amusement of everyone except the Prime Minister.



Sushi, anyone?

And so it goes.

Is there nothing video games can't do?

You may begin the mulching of the Christmas trees in earnest.

I've never wanted to get to school this much -

WICOMICO CHURCH, Va. (Jan. 6) - A 6-year-old Virginia boy who missed his bus tried to drive to school in his family's sedan -- and crashed.

His parents were charged with child endangerment. State police said the boy suffered only minor injuries and authorities drove him to school after he was evaluated at a local hospital for a bump on his head. He arrived shortly after lunch, Sgt. Tom Cunningham said.

It happened around 7:40 a.m. Monday on Route 360, about 61 miles east of Richmond.
The boy, whose name wasn't released, missed the bus, took the keys to his family's 2005 Ford Taurus and drove nearly six miles toward school while his mother was asleep, police said.

He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.

The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games.

Be very thankful that Homeland Security didn't begin recruitments at Chucky Cheese.

Today in History -

January 7, 1800 -


Millard Fillmore, 13th President of the United States, was born on this date.



And no he didn't install the first bathtub in the White House, that was a hoax by Henry Louis Mencken.

January 7, 1912 -
Charles Addams, cartoonist known for his particularly black humor and macabre characters, was spawned on this date.



January 7, 1957 -
Katherine Anne Couric, TV news host and colonoscopy spokes model, was born on this date.



January 7, 1967 -
The Newlywed Game premieres on ABC TV



And so it goes.

It's the Epiphany

Feast of the Three Kings (Gaspar, Melchior, and Balthasar), Little Christmas, etc. (OK folks, the holidays are official over - it's the twelveth day of Christmas)





May your day be filled with small moments of infinite joy and wisdom.

Januart6, 1856 -
Sherlock Holmes, noted English apiarist, morphine and cocaine addict and sometimes detective, was born on this date.





"Elementary, my dear Watson", (which was never actually said by Holmes.)

Franklin Pierce, served as the 14th President of the United States. Most historians agree that he was the worst President ever (time will tell) and after the Presidency, Pierce became a hopeless alcoholic (once running over an elderly woman while driving a carriage intoxicated.)



He started his presidency in a state of grief and nervous exhaustion. Two months before he took office, on January 6, 1853, the President-elect's family had boarded a train in Boston and shortly there after been trapped in their derailed car when it rolled down an embankment near Andover, Massachusetts. Pierce and his wife survived, merely shaken up, but saw their 11-year-old son Benjamin crushed to death.

Not a great way to start a new job.


January 6, 1994
Ice skater Nancy Kerrigan is attacked by Tonya Harding's bodyguard, Shane Stant.



"Why? Why?"

January 6, 1955
Rowan Atkinson, British comedian, was born on this date.



Much more than Mr. Bean.


And so it goes

Happy Birthday Marilyn

January 5, 1969 -
Brian Hugh Warner was born on this date



He's such a nice boy.


Here is your Today in History -

Sometimes, it's not so good to King (or his potential assassin either.) Louis the XV wasn't the most incompetent or profligate spending monarch. The spending at the court of Louis XV was not any higher than under previous French kings, and certainly much lower than in some other European courts, such as in Russia, where Peter the Great and Empress Elizabeth spent enormous amounts of money to build palaces in and around Saint Petersburg. Court spending also helped to carry French arts to their zenith under Louis XV, and supported thousands of families of artists and craftsmen. Yet at the time the French public (the great unwashed), influenced as it was by a violent campaign of libels against the king and the Marquise de Pompadour starting in the mid-1740s, could only see royal incompetence and spending sprees.



This was what may have inspired the assassination attempt on the king by Robert Damiens. On January 5, 1757, would-be assassin Damiens entered the Palace of Versailles, as did thousands of people every day to petition the king. As the king was walking in the Marble Courtyard between two lines of guards lighting the way with torches, headed toward his carriage, which was waiting at the edge of the Marble Courtyard, Damiens suddenly emerged from the dark, passed through the guards, and stabbed the king in the side with a penknife. The 3.2 inch blade entered the king's body between the fourth and fifth ribs. The king, who was bleeding, remained calm and called for a confessor as he thought he would die. Thoughts of poison came to his mind. At the sight of the queen, who had come in a hurry, he asked for forgiveness for his misbehaviour (Louis, as was the habit of most kings of his time, slept with anything that moved). However, the king survived. He was probably saved by the thick layers of clothes he wore on that cold day, which cushioned the blade, protecting the internal organs. Allegedly, the blade penetrated only 0.4 inch into the king's body, leading Voltaire to mock what he called a "pinprick".



Damiens, who was mentally unstable, had been a servant of members of the Parliament of Paris where he had heard much criticism of the king. This, combined with the violent pamphlets and general discontent with the king, convinced him that he had to commit regicide in order to save France. In any case, it was the first attempt at regicide in France since the murder of King Henry IV by Ravaillac in 1610. The king, bent on forgiving Damiens, could not avoid a trial for regicide. Tried by the Parlement of Paris, Damiens was executed on the Place de Grève on March 28, 1757, following the horrible procedure applied to regicides: after numerous tortures, Damiens was carried to the Place de Grève in the cold afternoon of that day. There, he was first tortured with red-hot pincers; his hand, holding the knife used in the attempted murder, was burnt using sulphur; molten wax, lead, and boiling oil were poured into his wounds. Horses were then harnessed to his arms and legs for his dismemberment. Damiens's joints would not break; after some hours, representatives of the Parliament ordered the executioner and his aides to cut Damiens's joints. Damiens was then dismembered, to the applause of the crowd. His trunk, apparently still living, was then burnt at the stake. There was an immense crowd to watch this gruesome spectacle, which nobody had witnessed in 147 years. Balconies in buildings above the Place de Grève were rented to women of the aristocracy for the exorbitant price of 100 livres per balcony (approx. $700 in 2007 US dollars).

As I always say, give the people what they want and they will come.




January 5, 1919 -


The Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei is founded by Anton Drexler and others at the Furstenfelder Hof tavern in Munich. Why does so much of early Nazi history seems to center around beer halls? It must have been something in those Bavarian Beer Purity laws.

January 5, 1933 -
Construction of the Golden Gate Bridge begins in San Francisco Bay.



People have to line up for more than four years before suicides can begin (The Golden Gate Bridge is the most prevelant place in the USA to commit suicide.)

January 5, 1995 -
Connie Chung coazes out of Rep. Newt Gingrich's mother Kathleen, her opinion of Hillary Clinton: bitch.



(wait for it - it's 3:00 minutes into the clip)

Once again we have the example of the pot calling the kettle black.


January 5, 1998 -
Congressman Sonny Bono finally meets something that ends his bizarrely successful career - a pine tree at Heavenly Valley Ski Area.



I guess the beat doesn't go on for him.

And so it goes.

Happy Birthday Michael

January 4, 1960 -
John Michael Stipe, the lead mumbler for R.E.M. was born on this date.



Today in History -

January 4, 1903
Topsy was a domesticated elephant with the Forepaugh Circus at Coney Island's Luna Park. Because she had killed three men in three years (including a severely abusive trainer who attempted to feed her a lit cigarette), Topsy was deemed a threat to people by her owners and killed by electrocution on this date (Inventor Thomas Edison facilitates the entire affair.)



In an attempt to discredit Westinghouse and Nikola Tesla by showing how dangerous Alternating Current electricity was, Thomas Edison captured the event on film. He would release it later that year under the title Electrocuting an Elephant (but that is another story.)


Raise your frozen Margaritas and toast dear old Stephen J. Poplawski. Mr. Poplawski was born in Poland on August 14, 1885, which was a fine place to be born if your wanted to be a farmer or fodder for the cannons of the next Austro-Hungarian Geopoliticial machination. He would have none of that and emigrated at age 9 with his parents to Racine, Wis (most children were usually beaten soundly when they suggested emigrating in the 1880's).



In 1918 he founded Stephens Tool Co. and in 1919 was hired by Arnold Electric Co. to develop an automatic malted milk mixer for use in restaurants (Racine being home of Horlick Malted Milk). On January 4,1922 he filed a patent "for the first mixer of my design having an agitating element mounted in a base and adapted to be drivingly connected with the agitator in the cup when the cup was placed in a recess in the top of the base." Well, you don't think they give you a patent for a machine that makes frosty, delicious alcoholic drinks, do you?




January 4, 1941 - The animated short Elmer's Pet Rabbit is released: it marks the second appearance of Bugs Bunny and the first to have his name on a title card. It was directed by the legendary Chuck Jones.




January 4, 1943 -Josef Stalin, evil bastard and abused child, appears as Time's 1942 "Man of the Year".



Circulation for the magazine would have increased dramatically, if Stalin hadn't 'purged' millions of Russian citizens.

January 4, 1984 -
"Night Court" starring Harry Anderson premieres on NBC TV



And so it goes.

Better late than never,

I guess.

Today in History -

January 3, 1870 -
The construction of the Brooklyn Bridge begins.



And if you hurry up, you still can cross it for free.

January 3, 1951 -The ominous, four-note introduction to the brass and tympani theme music, then the staccato voice over intones, "Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent," for the first time on television.



January 3, 1953 - Frances Bolton and her son, Oliver from Ohio, become the first mother and son to serve simultaneously in the U.S. Congress.



I wonder if she kept telling him to sit up straight and stop talking to his neighbor while they were at work?


January 3, 1962 -Pope John XXIII excommunicated Fidel Castro.



I'm sure Fidel is very concerned about his immortal soul languishing in hell.

January 3, 1967 -Jack Ruby dead of natural causes at Parkland Hospital, where Lee Harvey Oswald had died and President Kennedy had been pronounced dead after his assassination.



He could possibly be one of the only people involved in this sordid affair that did.


January 3, 1969 -
In New Jersey, 30,000 copies of John and Yoko's album "Two Virgins" are confiscated because the cover is deemed obscene. There is nothing more shocking than two naked multimillionaires on the cover of your Rock and Roll Album.



Kids, go ask your parents what albums were.


January 3, 1987 -
Four non-cancerous polyps are removed from President Ronald Reagan's colon.



Two of them are still living comfortably in Boca Raton.


And so it goes.

I'll try be be quiet

Some of you are still getting over your New Years Eve hangover.

Today in History -

January 2, 1872 -
Brigham Young is arrested on charges of bigamy for having 25 wives.



It's the first night he was able to sleep with both eyes closed in years.

January 2, 1935 -
Bruno Richard Hauptmann went on trial in Flemington, N.J., on charges of kidnapping and murdering the infant son of aviator Charles A. and Anne Lindbergh.



(He would later be found guilty and executed for that crime that he may not have committed.)


January 2, 1942 -
33 members of a German spy ring headed by Frederick or Fritz Joubert Duquesne were sentenced to serve a total of over 300 years in prison. The Duquesne Spy Ring, as they were known, is the largest espionage case in United States history that ended in convictions.



The 1945 film "The House on 92nd Street" was also a thinly disguised version of the Duquesne Spy Ring saga of 1941, but differs from historical fact. It won screenwriter Charles G. Booth an Academy Award for the best original motion picture story.


January 2, 1939 -
On January 2, 1939, Time Magazine published its annual Man of the Year issue. For the year 1938, Time had chosen Adolf Hitler as the man who "for better or worse" (as Time founder Henry Luce expressed it) had most influenced events of the preceding year. The cover picture featured Hitler playing "his hymn of hate in a desecrated cathedral while victims dangle on a St. Catherine's wheel and the Nazi hierarchy looks on." This picture was drawn by Baron Rudolph Charles von Ripper, a German Catholic who had fled Hitler's Germany.



I'd loved to have seen the ballots on this one.


January 2, 1974 - President Richard Nixon signs a bill lowering the maximum U.S. speed limit to 55 MPH in order to conserve gasoline during an OPEC embargo.



Leadfoots everywhere cry out in pain.


And so it goes

Happy New Year ( I bet you never really thought about this)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e8/CircumcisionofChrist.JPG

The Feast of the Circumcision of Our Lord is a Christian celebration of the circumcision of Jesus, eight days (according to the Semitic and southern European calculation of intervals of days) after his birth, the occasion too on which the child was formally given his name, Jesus, a name derived from Hebrew meaning "salvation" or "saviour".


January 1, 1898 -
New York City annexes land from surrounding counties, creating the City of Greater New York. The four initial boroughs, Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, and The Bronx, are joined on January 25 by Staten Island to create the modern city of five boroughs.




Tonight is the Seventh and last night of Kwanzaa. Tonight celebrates Imani (Faith) - To believe with all of one's heart in one's people, one's parents, one's teachers, one's leaders and the righteousness and victory of one's struggle.


Hopefully you didn't enjoy your New Year's Eve celebration too much. While Today in History is retooling for this move, here's some stuff, you may not know -


... if you didn't get your Farmer's Almanac this year or suffer from lycanthropy, here is your guide to the Full Moons of
2009


January 11 - The Full Wolf Moon. Amid the zero cold and deep snows of midwinter, the wolf packs howled hungrily outside Indian villages. In London, impeccably dressed werewolves are often seen on the prowl in search of a dish of beef chow mein. It was also known as the Old Moon or the "Moon After Yule." In some tribes this was the Full Snow Moon; most applied that name to the next Moon.




February 09 - The Full Snow Moon. Usually the heaviest snows fall in this month. Hunting becomes very difficult, and hence internet traffic increases threefold. There will be a partial lunar eclipse.




March 11 - The Full Worm Moon. In this month the ground softens and the earthworm casts reappear, inviting the return of the robins. Just what you want to think about in the morning - worm crap. The Full Sap Moon, marking the time of tapping maple trees, is another variation.




April 09- The Full Pink Moon. The grass pink or wild ground phlox is one of the earliest widespread flowers of the spring. Other names were the Full Pink Floyd Moon because remember - there is no dark side of the moon - it's all dark.



The first Full Moon of spring is usually designated as the Paschal Full Moon or the Paschal Term. Traditionally, Easter is observed on the Sunday after the Paschal Full Moon (which occured on April 12 - how cool is that). If the Paschal Moon occurs on a Sunday, Easter is the following Sunday.


May 09 - The Full Flower Moon. Flowers are abundant everywhere. Usually at your local Korean deli around the corner.




June 07 - The Full Strawberry Moon. Best seen in Central Park, across from the Dakota.




July 07 - The Full Buck Moon, when the new antlers of buck deer push out from their foreheads in coatings of velvety fur. Again another disgusting image - bone pushing through flesh - for your early morning.




August 06 - The Full Sturgeon Moon, when this large fish of the Great Lakes and other major bodies of water like Lake Champlain is most readily caught. Sometimes, a sort of lunar madness occurs during this cycle, when people might chase the full moon with a little chopped egg and sour cream. Please direct these poor souls to Zabar's.




September 04 - The Full Harvest Moon. Always the full Moon occurring nearest to the Autumnal Equinox. This is the time of year, aging Canadian Rock stars will sing full out with their once achingly beautiful harmonies.




October 04 - The Full Hunter's Moon. With the leaves falling and the deer fattened, it is time to hunt. Since the fields have been reaped, hunters can ride over the stubble, and can more easily see the fox, also other animals that have come out to glean and can be caught for a thanksgiving banquet after the harvest.




Nov. 02, - The Full Beaver Moon (ok stop snickering). Time to set beaver traps before the swamps freeze to ensure a supply of warm winter furs. Another interpretation suggests that the name Beaver Full Moon comes from the fact that the beavers are now active in their preparation for winter. (really stop laughing).




Dec. 02 - The Full Cold Moon. In this month the winter cold fastens its grip, and the nights are at their longest and darkest. Also sometimes called the "Moon before Yule" (Yule is Christmas, and this time the Moon is only just before it). Rudolph sometimes gets the night off because of the bright light.




There is a Blue Moon on December 31 in 2009. The second full Moon occurring within a calendar month is usually bestowed this title. If you listen closely, you may hear somebody whisper "please adore me," and when you looked the moon may have turned to gold.



Either that, or you need to seek medical attention immediately.

And so it goes.