It's still cold outside - here are some Dad jokes

What half of a large intestine:



1 semicolon


It's' Elmo's Birthday!



It's nice to know someone, even a puppet gives a damn about you.


February 3, 1932 -
Paramount Pictures released Josef von Sternberg's Shanghai Express, starring Marlene Dietrich, Clive Brook and Anna Mae Wong in Los Angeles on this date.



It was Josef von Sternberg's intention to have the style of the film should reflect the rhythm of a train journey. This explains the film's tight pace and the rather staccato quality of the dialogue. This film is included among the 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die, edited by Steven Schneider.


February 3, 1944 -
Robert Stevenson's classic presentation of Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre, starring Orson Wells, and Joan Fontaine, premiered in NYC on this date. (Look for Elizabeth Taylor in an uncredited role in the film.)



Orson Welles did enough work behind the scenes that the production company offered him a producer credit, which he turned down. Welles' official reason for this is a belief that a person who is not directing the film shouldn't be "just" a producer.


February 3, 1945 -
Walt Disney's The Three Caballeros, premiered in the US, on the date.



The premise of the film is that it is Donald Duck's birthday and his friends give him a tour of Latin America as a gift. The date of the birthday is given as "Friday 13th" with no month specified. The later animated short Donald's Happy Birthday is also set on Donald's birthday and gives the date as "March 13th".


February 3, 1951 -
Another great Sylvester cartoon, Canned Feud, premiered on this date.



This cartoon is particularly violent for the series and for a Sylvester cartoon in particular.


February 3, 1960 -
Federico Fellini's La Dolce Vita, starring Marcello Mastroianni and Anita Ekberg premiered in Rome on this date.



The film and especially the final beach scene were inspired by the infamous 1953 Wilma Montesi murder case. Montesi was an Italian woman from a proper family. Her dead body was found on a beach near Rome. The investigation exposed the drugs and sex orgies of Roman high society at the time. The murder remains unsolved as of today.


February 3, 1964 -
Just prior to the Beatles invasion of the US, Meet the Beatles went 'gold' on this date.



Meet the Beatles! was The Beatles first "official" album in America, released on January 20, 1964 by Capitol Records, the sister company within EMI to their British label, Parlophone.


February 3, 1973 –
Elton John' song Crocodile Rock became his first US Billboard Hot 100 hit on this date.



Elton's lyricist Bernie Taupin told Esquire in 2011 that this song is "a strange dichotomy because I don't mind having created it, but it's not something I would listen to.".


February 3, 1978 –
The comedy film, The One and Only, starring Henry Winkler, Kim Darby, and Gene Saks, and directed by Carl Reiner was released on this date.



Henry Winkler first became aware of the script for this movie when he ran into actor Dustin Hoffman in a doorway of a New York building. Hoffman talked for about three minutes about some screenplays he owned the rights to and about a year later Winkler received a copy of this film's script.


February 3, 1978 -
The TV-movie Dead Man's Curve, the first to deal with the tragic Jan & Dean story, premieres on ABC-TV on this date.



Wolfmand Jack, Dick Clark, and Beach Boys Mike Love and Bruce Johnston, appear in the movie. In the film, Wolfman Jack introduces himself to Jan and Dean in a small town as "Bob Smith", manager and The Jackal at the local radio station. Wolfman Jack's real name is Robert Weston Smith.


Today's moment of Zen


Today in History:
February 3, 1468 -
About 600 years ago a child was born in the city of Mainz, in what is today Germany. His name was Johannes Gutenberg. He worked as a goldsmith and gem cutter until finally converting a wine press into a printing press.



He printed 200 copies of the Bible and gradually went broke. He died on this date.

Lesser known to history is the name of Edgar Weasle-Puck, the Englishman who developed a printing press at around the same time as Gutenberg. Instead of printing Bibles, however, Weasle-Puck ran off 500 copies of Lewde & Graffical Engravingf of Perfonf Not Wearing Any Clothef. He made a small fortune, changed his name, purchased an Earldom, and moved to southern France, where he spent the rest of his days eagerly awaiting the invention of the lower-case "s."


February 3, 1637 -
Considered the first major speculative bubble, the sale and collection of tulips in the Netherlands reached extraordinary heights before collapsing spectacularly on this date.



At the height of the tulip mania, one bulb could sell for more than ten times the annual income of a skilled craftsman. And you could not smoke that crap.


February 3, 1882 -

P.T. Barnum purchased the elephant Jumbo on this date. He kept him for three years until the animal's skull was crushed by a train.



After his death, Jumbo's skeleton was donated to the American Museum of Natural History in New York City. The elephant's heart was sold to Cornell University. Jumbo's hide was stuffed by William J. Critchley and Carl Akeley, both of Ward's Natural Science, and the mounted specimen traveled with Barnum's circus for a number of years.



In 1889, Barnum donated the stuffed Jumbo to Tufts University, where it was displayed until destroyed by a fire in 1975, coincidentally a fate that befell many of Barnum's exhibits during his own lifetime. The great elephant's ashes are kept in a 14-ounce Peter Pan Crunchy Peanut Butter jar in the office of the Tufts athletic director.

I could not make this up if I wanted to do so.


February 3, 1913 -
In one of the darkest days in U.S. history, the 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified on this date. This amendment created the income tax.



Please check on your Qanon supporting neighbor; they might do themselves harm on this day. You know what, upon further thought, leave them be.


The United States broke diplomatic relations with Germany on February 3, 1917. The Germans were very upset by this and tried to make America jealous by flirting with Mexico. Britain overheard Germany's sweet talk and told America everything she'd heard. Unfortunately for Germany, however, it didn't make America jealous. It made America angry. A few months later the United States declared war on Germany.



(Less than two years later, World War I ended with Germany's defeat. This made Germany upset again, and they spent the next two decades planning how they'd get even. Eventually this led to World War II, which also ended, once again, with Germany's defeat. Germany remains upset to this day, but, having been deprived of an army, poses no serious threat to anyone but France.)


February 3, 1927 -
Some very famous directors have started in the mail room, which is just getting inside the studio, getting to know people, getting to know the routine.



Kenneth Anger, American underground avant-garde film-maker, author of the notorious book Hollywood Babylon and professional Dan Rather impersonator, was spawned on this date.


February 3, 1943 -
The US transport ship Dorchester, which was carrying troops to Greenland, sank after being hit by a torpedo. Four Army chaplains (Rev. Lt. George L. Fox, a Methodist minister; Rabbi Lt. Alexander D. Goode; Father Lt. John P. Washington, a Roman Catholic priest; and Rev. Lt. Clark V. Poling, a Protestant minister from the Dutch Reformed Church) gave their life jackets to four other men, and went down with the ship.



Of the 902 men aboard the U.S.A.T. Dorchester, only 230 survived. Before boarding the Dorchester back in January, Chaplain Poling had asked his father to pray for him, "Not for my safe return, that wouldn't be fair. Just pray that I shall do my duty...never be a coward...and have the strength, courage and understanding of men. Just pray that I shall be adequate."


February 3, 1956 -
It's Nathan Lane's birthday today.





Pound for pound, one of the funniest guest on a talk show.


February 3, 1959 -
The Day the Music Died:

Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the Big Bopper were on a tour called “Winter Dance Party” tour. The musicians were traveling from venue to venue on tour buses.



A small plane carrying The Big Bopper (J.P. Richardson), Buddy Holly and Richie Valens crashed near Mason City, Iowa, while en route to a show in Fargo, North Dakota. Richardson had developed a case of the flu during the tour (erroneously thought to have been caused by riding on the unheated bus) and asked one of Holly's bandmates, Waylon Jennings, for his seat on the plane; Jennings agreed to give up the seat. Dion DiMucci of Dion and The Belmonts, who was the fourth headliner on the tour, was approached to join the flight as well; however, the price of $36 was too much. Dion had heard his parents argue for years over the $36 rent for their apartment and could not bring himself to pay an entire month's rent for a short plane ride.



The plane crashed during a blizzard, smashing into a cornfield at over 220 mph, flipping over on itself and tossing the passengers into the air. The victims were jettisoned from the plane, landing yards from the wreckage, and lay there for ten hours as snowdrifts formed around them. Because of the weather, no one reached the crash site until later in the morning.



The Surf Theatre's Winter Dance Party in Clear lake, Iowa,was held this past weekend. Hopefully, If you were in the area, you caught it.


February 3, 1971 -
New York Police Officer Frank Serpico was shot during a drug bust in Brooklyn on this date and survived to later testify against police corruption.



Many believe the incident proves that NYPD officers tried to kill him.


February 3, 1995 –
Astronaut Eileen Collins became the first woman to pilot the Space Shuttle as mission STS-63 is launched from Kennedy Space Center in Florida. STS-63 was the second mission of the US/Russian Shuttle-Mir Program, which carried out the first rendezvous of the American Space Shuttle with Russia's space station Mir.



In July 1999, Collins became the first (and currently only) female Shuttle commander with the launch of STS-93. On her last mission in 2005, she would command the historic STS-114 "Return to Flight" mission, the first after the Columbia tragedy.



And so it goes

Happy Marmot Day!

Groundhog Day, February 2nd, is a popular tradition in the United States. It is also a legend that traverses centuries, its origins clouded in the mists of time with ethnic cultures and animals awakening on specific dates. Myths such as this tie our present to the distant past when nature did, indeed, influence our lives.

It is the day that the Groundhog comes out of his hole after a long winter sleep to look for his shadow.



If the day is cloudy and, hence, shadowless, he takes it as a sign of spring and stays above ground. (Phil, aware of this weekend's deep chill, saw his shadow and is calling for six more weeks of winter. Oh joy!)


February 2, 1950 -
Produced by Mark Goodson and Bill Todman, the TV game show What's My Line, premiered on CBS TV on this date.



Although there are those who suspect John Daly was sending the panel signals, Moderator Daly insisted that there is only one signal he ever gave to the panel: When he pulled his right ear lobe it warned them, usually Hal Block, that the questions were getting dangerously close to double entendre. And any question of cheating is ludicrous given the paltry monetary prize ($50). The embarrassment of public exposure for cheating would hardly seem worthwhile.


February 2, 1971 -
The animated special based on the Harry Nilsson album, The Point!, originally voiced by Dustin Hoffman, Paul Frees, June Foray, and Mike Lookinland premiered as an ABC Movie of the Week, on this date.



Although that version was only licensed for the initial airing, a few different narrations followed, including Alan Thicke and Ringo Starr. The one posted above is a restored version with Duffin Hoffman's narrative treatment.


February 2, 1973 -
The regular run of the musical series, Burt Sugarman's The Midnight Special premiered on NBC-TV on this date.



Also among the acts that appears on that first show were The Byrds, Ike and Tina Turner Revue, Rare Earth and George Carlin.


February 2, 1976 -
The Honeymooners Second Honeymoon, starring Jackie Gleason, Art Carney, Audrey Meadows, and Jane Keans, aired on CBS TV, on this date.



This is the first time Audrey Meadows played the role of Alice Kramden since The Honeymooners: The Adoption. Jackie Gleason and Art Carney had continued to reprise their roles on The Jackie Gleason Show.


February 2, 1985 -
Foreigner's single I Want To Know What Love Is begins a two-week run at #1 on the charts, on this date.



The New Jersey Mass Choir was brought in to sing the backing vocals, becoming the first gospel choir to appear on a #1 pop hit. Mick Jones knew he wanted a choir on the song and found the New Jersey Mass Choir through a bit of serendipity: they had the same lawyer.


February 2, 2001 -
Touchstone Pictures released the comedy film O Brother, Where Art Thou?, directed by Joel Coen and Ethan Coen and starring George Clooney, John Turturro, and Tim Blake Nelson, into general release in the US on this date. The film loosely follows the story of Homer’s Odyssey.



George Clooney agreed to do this film without having read the script. The Coen Brothers visited him in Phoenix while he was making Three Kings, wanting to work with him after seeing his performance in Out of Sight. Moments after they put their script on Clooney's hotel room table, the actor said "Great, I'm in." He stated that he liked even the Coens' least successful films.


February 2, 2013 –
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis' song (featuring Wanz), Thrift Shop went to No. # 1 on the Billboard Charts on this date.



Macklemore told MTV News the song is a way of life: "Rappers talk about, oh I buy this and I buy that, and I spend this much money and I make it rain, and this type of champagne and painting the club, and this is the kind of record that's the exact opposite," he explained. "It's the polar opposite of it. It's kind of standing for like let's save some money, let's keep some money away, let's spend as little as possible and look as fresh as possible at the same time."


Word of the Day


Today in History:
Congestion Advisory:
In 1626, it is said that, Dutchman Peter Minuit bought the island of Manhattan for $24. People often joke about that, but twenty-four bucks wasn't such an unreasonable price. It was a lot of money back then, and it's not like Mr. Minuit just turned around and built Times Square. Manhattan was a big rock in the middle of cold rushing waters and the weather was awful, even for a Dutchman. It wasn't even a city until February 2, 1653, when it became New Amsterdam. It had a population of 800 at the time.



Eventually it was renamed New York, which, according to the 2010 census, has a population of more than 8.3 million. This represents an increase of more than one million percent. At this rate, by the year 2319 New York will have a population of over 80 billion.

Anticipate more traffic.


February 2, 1793 -
Czech composer Franz Kotzwara, who penned The Battle of Prague, visited a prostitute in Vine Street, Westminster named Susannah Hill. After dinner with her in her lodgings, Kotzwara paid her two shillings and requested that she cut off his testicles. Hill refused to do so. Kotzwara then proceeded to tie a rope around the doorknob and then his neck and proceeded to have vigorous sexual intercourse with Hill. After it was over, Kotzwara was dead.

His is most likely the first recorded death from erotic asphyxiation.

Bunkies, don't do this at home, unless you have adult supervision.


February 2, 1826 -
Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are.

Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (b.1755), French lawyer and epicure, died on this date.

His famous work, Physiologie du goût (The Physiology of Taste), was published in December 1825, two months before his death.


James Joyce was born on February 2, 1882. Mr. Joyce was one of many drunken Irish geniuses who got the hell out of Ireland as soon as he could afford a passport.



Mr. Joyce wrote Ulysses, a famous book perhaps most notable for the fact that few people ever actually read it, was published on this date in 1922.

Gertrude Stein was born a day later, eight years earlier, than Mr. Joyce, in 1874.



She wrote books that were much easier to read than Mr. Joyce's yet made even less sense.


February 2, 1901 -
Following a custom she maintained throughout her widowhood, Queen Victoria spent Christmas at Osborne House on the Isle of Wight. She died there from a cerebral hemorrhage on January 22, 1901, at the age of 81. At her deathbed she was attended by her son, the future King, and her oldest grandson, German Emperor William II. As she had wished, her own sons lifted her into the coffin. She was dressed in a white dress and her wedding veil. Her funeral was held on this date and after two days of lying-in-state, she was interred beside Prince Albert in the Frogmore Mausoleum at Windsor Great Park. Since Victoria disliked black funerals, London was instead festooned in purple and white.



When she was laid to rest at Frogmore Mausoleum, it began to snow. Victoria had reigned for a total of 63 years, seven months and two days - at the time, the longest of any British monarch.


February 2, 1913 -
The new Beaux-Arts style Grand Central Terminal in New York City opened on this date.

The cost to construct Grand Central Terminal was a staggering $43 million. The price was offset by the sale of "air rights" over the enclosed facility.



Many majestic buildings were constructed including the Waldorf Astoria Hotel. For many years, the elevators in these buildings would be powered by third rail current provided by the New York Central.



The railroad needed to invest in electrifying its rails, and carve deep into Manhattan's bedrock (workers would ultimately excavate 2.8 million cubic yards of earth and rock).



And I'm sorry, if you were hoping that my brother might have just driven your train into the station, you're out of lucky - he retired a few months ago. Lucky fellow.


February 2, 1964 -
The GI Joe doll made its debut on the market as a popular American toy on this date.



It would be several years before GI Joe would be released with his Kung Fu grip. Even though GI Joe is 12" of fighting machine - Joe is genital-less - so rendering his grip near useless.


February 2, 1971 -
Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda on this date, taking the government from President Milton Obote. One of his favorite pastimes seems to have been eating the brains of live prisoners. Also while in office, he reportedly ate one of his own sons.

And no, I don't know which one.


February 2, 1979 -
John Simon Ritchie, better known as Sid Vicious, bassist for the Sex Pistols, died in his sleep of a heroin overdose on this date.



He was waiting to stand trial for the stabbing death of his girlfriend, Nancy Spungen.



And so it goes

There is everything to hope for and nothing to regret

February is the shortest month, so if you’re having a miserable month, try to schedule it for February.

According to the Gregorian calendar, February is the second month of the year, and also the shortest month. February has 28 days until Julius Caesar gave it 29, and 30 days every four years. According to tradition, Augustus, the Roman emperor, took one day off to add one day to August, the month named after him.



Damn those freakin' Romans.



We now have February with 28 days, and 29 on leap years. Sweden had a February 30 in 1712. They tried it but didn't didn't work out. February begins on the same day of the week as March and November in a common year, and on the same day of the week as August in a leap year.

Sorry but there's no rhyme to remember that.



In the northern half of the world, February is a very cold month. There are usually sunny days that show Spring is not too far off. The Southern Hemisphere usually enjoy midsummer weather during February.

February Month Observances

* African American History Month (Black History Month)
Remember the joke that Black History Month occurs during the shortest month on the year
* AMD/Low Vision Awareness Month
Making it very difficult to read this posting
* American History Month
Which is sponsored by National Society of Daughters of the American Revolution (who probably did not vote to share the month with Black History Month.)
* Bird Feeding Month (Wild Bird Feeding Month)
(most cats prefer the taste of wild bird over domesticated bird)
* Cat Health Month (US National)
(which is caused by cats celebrating 'Bird Feeding Month' a little too much.)
* Candy and Chocolate Lovers Month
(Secretly sponsored by Hallmark and the American Dental Association.)
* Children's Dental Health Month and Dental Month
(What did I tell you.)
* National Pet Dental Health Month
(a slightly scary thought that All the dentist are in collusion)
* Condom Month, Creative Romance Month and An Affair to Remember Month
(Also secretly sponsored by Hallmark and the American Dental Association.)

Remember bunkies - There will be a quiz.


February 1, 1929 -
The Broadway Melody directed by Harry Beaumont and starring Bessie Love premiered on this date. It was the first film with sound to win an Oscar (in 1930).



In addition to its many historical firsts, The Broadway Melody is a full-throttle pre-Code film, its backstage milieu featuring scantily clad chorines, an overtly gay costume designer and an unmistakably lesbian wardrobe mistress.


February 1, 1953 -
Private Secretary (Susie, in syndication), starring Ann Sothern, premiered on CBS-TV on this day.

Sorry, this is not the first episode

The show ran during the regular TV seasons on CBS, and last show was September 10, 1957. It ran on NBC-TV in the summers of 1953 and 1954.



The original title sequence has not been viewed since Private Secretary's original run.


February 1, 1964 -
The Beatles' I Want to Hold Your Hand and I Saw Her Standing There were released in the United States in late 1963, marking the beginning of Beatlemania on an international level.



I Want to Hold Your Hand sold better in the first 10 days of release in the US than any other British single, and remains the best-selling Beatles single in the United States, moving over 12 million copies. The song became their first US number #01 hit on the date.

(Some of you may have noticed that January 18 is also noted as the date that the song went to the No. 1 position. There is some conflicting info on this.)


February 1, 1972 -
Neil Young releases his fourth solo album, Harvest, on this date. It goes on to become the best selling album of 1972



Despite being the title track of the Harvest album, the song has enjoyed far less fanfare than songs on the set like Heart of Gold, Alabama, and The Needle And The Damage Done. In that way, it's similar to the Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere, another Young title track that was overlooked in favor of other songs.


February 1, 1976 -
Irwin Shaw's Rich Man, Poor Man mini-series premiered on ABC-TV, on this date.



The mini series is based on the novel by Shaw; it was originally published as a short story in Playboy Magazine.

Hey, so some people actually used to read Playboy.


February 1, 1982 -
44 years ago today, Late Night With David Letterman debuted on NBC-TV on this date, where it stayed for 11 years.



Besides Bill Murray, one of Dave's first guests was Don Herbert aka Mr. Wizard.


Another album from the discount bin of The ACME record shop


(sorry, for the slight delay today)
Today in History :
February 1, 1861 -
Texas seceded from the Union, becoming independent once again. Since Texas believed the articles of statehood passed by the U.S. Congress gave Texas this right, it is perhaps the only state whose secession was legal.



Several years ago, Texas Republicans barely avoided having to vote on whether Texas should secede from the United States (by two votes.) Gov. Abbott seems to be inching closer and closer to trying this gambit again.

Once again, ask yourself: are the Dallas Cowboys really ready to stop being America’s Team?


February 1, 1893 -
Thomas A. Edison opened the world's first motion picture studio, his Black Maria, (on account of its resemblance to a police patrol wagon,) in West Orange, New Jersey. The studio had a roof that could be opened to admit sunlight for illumination, and the building itself was mounted on a revolving pivot so that the structure could be constantly repositioned to keep it aligned with the sun.



Edison built a glass-enclosed rooftop movie studio in New York City and the Black Maria was closed in January 1901. Edison demolished the building in 1903. The U. S. National Park Service maintains a reproduction of the Black Maria, built in 1954 at what is now the Edison National Historic Site in West Orange.


February 1, 1896 -



The opera La Boheme, written by Giacomo Puccini, premiered in Turin, Italy on this date.



Who knew all Cher had to do to win an Oscar 94 years later, was tweeze her eyebrows and cry while she watched this opera.


February 1, 1951 -
TV station KTLA broadcast of an atomic explosion was the first to be seen publicly on television on this date.



The event was captured by an NBC camera on Mount Wilson, 300 miles away from the test blast at Frenchman Flats, Nevada.


February 1, 1964 -
Governor Matthew Welsh of Indiana declares Louie, Louie by the Kingmen "pornographic".



And while the FCC couldn't figure out the lyrics, the governor's move backfires by making the song one of the most covered titles in existence.


February 1, 1968 -
In Saigon, South Vietnam's national police chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan summarily executed an accused Viet Cong spy with a bullet to the head on this date.

Unfortunately for the general, he happened to shoot him right in front of NBC cameraman Vo Suu and Associated Press photographer Eddie Adams.



Oops


February 1, 1970 -
US Government report reveals that 31% of college students have tried pot.



Now that legalized pot has been so successful in several states, there is a possibility that more states will jump on the excess tax band wagon.


February 1, 2003 -
Because the heat-resistant tiles covering the left wing’s leading edge had been damaged or were missing, wind and heat entered the wing and the Space Shuttle Columbia blew up on re-entry, with its debris hitting homes and businesses in Nacogdoches, Texas on this date.



In August 2003, an investigation board issued a report that revealed that it in fact would have been possible either for the Columbia crew to repair the damage to the wing or for the crew to be rescued from the shuttle. The Columbia could have stayed in orbit until February 15 and the already planned launch of the shuttle Atlantis could have been moved up as early as February 10, leaving a short window for repairing the wing or getting the crew off of the Columbia.


February 1, 2004 -
During the MTV-provided halftime show of the Superbowl, former boy band member Justin Timberlake conducts an obviously pre-scripted move to expose Janet Jackson's right bosom on this date, which oddly sports a ninjitsu-style throwing star as a pasty.



The nation is shocked, simply shocked, that a pristine, noncommercial event such as the Superbowl could be ruined by a Jackson.



All appears to be forgiven; Janet Jackson has completely absolved Justin Timberlake of any lingering guilt over the incident in her recent documentary



And so it goes.