Friday, May 5, 2023

Do not embarrass yourself

Please take a brief pause from getting ready for the massive margarita you all have to make to celebrate this day.

For those of you who don't know - it's not Mexican Independence Day (that's September 16th) - it's the celebration of Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza victory over the French General Charles Latrille de Lorencez.





If you need another reason to celebrate the day - A US patent was issued for the first bottle with a screw cap and a pour lip to Edward A. Ravenscroft, of Glencoe, Illinois (No 2,039,345,) on this date. Abbott Laboratories of North Chicago manufactured the bottles.

And remember, the Mexican government never did pay for that wall and there is no truth to the rumor that the Corona bottling company workers pee in the beer!



They only do that in Denmark (and Singapore.)





Hopefully, someday, Corona will get past the stupidity of some of the American population. (And that you never taste the other two beers.)


In all cultures, the midwife’s place is on the threshold of life, where intense human emotions, fear, hope, longing, triumph, and incredible physical power-enable a new human being to emerge. The vocation is unique..



But I know many of you could care less that it's International Midwivery Day; the idea of having a day to recognize and honor midwives came out of the 1987 International Confederation of Midwives conference in the Netherlands.


And last but not least, the First Friday in May appears to be No Pants Day. If you are interested in recognizing the celebration of No Pants Day, then you should express yourself and go sans trousers this May 5th, always observed on the first Friday of May. Regular U.S. mail service and parking enforcement are still in place as this ridiculous day is not a U.S. national holiday.

No Pants Day, is believed to have been started by a group of students at the University of Texas who thought leaving the pants at home on the first Friday in May would be a fun way to end the semester. A winter spin-off was created called No Pants Subway Ride, which unfortunately cancelled this year, once again due to the pandemic.


May 5, 1934 -
Columbia Pictures released their first Three Stooges short, Woman Haters, starring Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Howard, on this date.



Out of the 190+ shorts The Three Stooges made, this is one of the few in which their characters aren't called by the Stooges' real names (or variations of their real names).


May 5, 1952 -
One of the most famous episodes of the I Love Lucy series, Lucy Does a TV Commercial, (also known as Vitameatavegamin,) aired on this date. In 1997, TV Guide ranked it #2 on their list of the 100 Greatest Episodes of All Time.



Ross Elliott, who played the director, said of this episode: "I chewed the inside of my mouth out to keep from laughing out loud. Lucy would do new stuff that wasn't rehearsed, like an extra-funny face. Then, at one point, she became 'drunk' and started making eyes at me, flirting, and I almost broke up again". Desi Arnez said that it was virtually impossible to keep from laughing during the part where Lucy has to prove to Ricky that she's fit to do the commercial. Desi had to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep from laughing out loud, and you can see in the episode how he's struggling not to lose it. During other parts of the commercial, Desi clearly was watching from the audience, and you can hear his very distinct laugh.


May 5, 2000 -
Steely Dan kicked off the fifth year of The Today Show's Summer Concert series with a rare live performance on this date.



The band found it very nerve-racking to appear on a totally live broadcast for fear of any technical glitches out of their control.


May 5, 2002
Sam Raimi's offering from the Marvel universe, Spider-Man, starring Tobey Maguire, Willem Dafoe, Kristen Dunst, and James Franco, went into general release on this date. It became the fastest movie ever to earn more than $100 million at the box office, raking in $114.8 million that weekend.



To acquire his bumped-up physique, Tobey Maguire went through a strict five-month regimen of exercise, weight training and martial arts six times a week, as well as eating a high protein meal four to six times a day.


May 5, 2018 -
Childish Gambino aka Donald Glover releases the music video to his latest single This is America on this date.



Childish Gambino was accused on social media of ripping off New York rapper Jase Harley's 2016 track American Pharaoh for this song. While both tunes do indeed feature dark lyrics about being black in America over a menacing beat, Harley seemed to be relaxed about the alleged musical theft, saying, "I feel extremely humbled to be recognized and labeled as one of, or the original inspiration, for one of the most important pieces of music and visual art of our time."


Another unimportant moment in history


Today in History:
May 5, 2349 BC -
Noah's Ark landed on Mount Ararat on this date, according to calculations by James Ussher, Archbishop of the Church of Ireland.



According to the good bishop, Noah heard about the two for one Margaritas at Senor Swanky's.


May 5, 1821 -
Napoleon died on the island of St. Helena on this date. After confession, Extreme Unction and Viaticum in the presence of Father Ange Vignali, Napoleon's last words were, "France, l'armée, tête d'armée, Joséphine" ("France, army, head of the army, Joséphine"). Some suspect Napoleon died from arsenic poisoning.



More likely, he died from stomach cancer as did his father. But then who knows, I wasn't there, were you?



Beethoven's 3rd Symphony was originally called Bonaparte as tribute to Napoleon, the First Consul. When Napoleon proclaimed himself Emperor in 1804, the disillusioned Beethoven tore up the pages of his score in a rage, stamped on it and changed it to Eroica (meaning heroic). When informed of the death of Napoleon on May 5, 1821, Beethoven said, "I wrote the music for this sad event seventeen years ago", referring to the funereal second movement.



But wait, there's more - Urban legend has it, post-death, Napoléon Bonaparte’s penis was removed from body during his autopsy, smuggled to Cosica by Father Ange Vignali, displayed in a Philadelphia museum (during the early 20th century), and ended up under the bed of John Kingsley Lattimer, a prominent urologist, ballistics expert and collector of historical relics who treated top-ranking Nazis during the Nuremberg war crimes trials and was the first nongovernmental medical specialist allowed to examine the evidence in President John F. Kennedy’s assassination. (You just can't make this stuff up.)

So Yes, much like Einstein's long traveling brain - they stole Napoleon's penis.


May 5, 1891 -
The Music Hall (Carnegie Hall) opened in NYC on this date with Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, noted Russian composer and secret sodomite, as guest conductor.



It was quite a celebration. Andrew Carnegie’s new Music Hall opened with a five-day music festival on this date.


May 5, 1921 -
French designer Coco Chanel introduced her iconic Chanel Number 5 perfume to some of her friends on this date. Initially, it was given to preferred clients for free at her boutique. The fitting rooms in her boutique were also scented with No. 5.



Coco Chanel commissions renowned perfumer Ernest Beaux to create the most expensive perfume in the world, Jasmine was the most expensive perfume oil and Chanel No. 5 relies heavily on Jasmine.


May 5, 1925 -
High school teacher John T. Scopes was arrested on this date for teaching evolution by authorities in Dayton, Tennessee, as part of a publicity stunt to make the town famous.



Since Scopes admitted teaching the theory, he was found guilty, and the law remained on the books in the backward state until 1967.


May 5, 1930 -
Amy Johnson, the British Amelia Earhart, took off in a De Havilland Moth airplane, modified with larger engine and extra fuel tanks that gave it a 13-hour flight time, from Croydon Airport, in London, on this date, in her attempt to become the first woman to fly solo from Britain to Australia.



The harsh conditions along the way caused many fitful starts and stops. Nevertheless, she made it to Darwin, Northern Territory, in Australia on May 24, and achieved instant celebrityhood.


May 5, 1943 -
When I'm travelling, I always take my little notebook and scribble things down as I watch them; I'm very much geared to everything that's happening. Whereas, the diary I keep is just about a record of a day I've spent. When I'm filming, I'm looking quite intensely at everything I see and trying to get my own eye on what we're going through..



Michael Palin, actor, screenwriter and (thankfully for humanity) a very silly person was born on this date. (Please have a kind thought for Michael on the very recent loss of his wife of 57 years, Helen, just the other day.)


May 5, 1945 -
Mrs Elsie Mitchell and five neighborhood children were killed while attempting to drag a Japanese balloon out the woods in Lakeview, Oregon on this date. Unbeknownst to Mitchell and the children, the balloon was armed, and it exploded soon after they began tampering with it.



They were the only people killed in action on the US mainland during World War II.


May 5th, 1955 -
On this bright and sunny spring day, the United States decided to blow an American city into oblivion in order to test a new cooking method. At 5:10 am on this date, a nuclear bomb assigned to Operation Cue (a.k.a. ‘Apple-2’ or Operation Teapot) was detonated at Area 1 of the Nevada Test Site. A collection of structures, buildings (one containing a freezer full of Birds Eye frozen cod fillets, along with frozen chicken pot pie, frozen french fried potatoes, and other chilled foods) even mannequins were designed to measure the effects of an atomic weapon used against urban centers.



According to officials, “Frozen food samples from the stations at 1270 and 2750ft were found to be definitely radioactive, particularly the cod fillets.” Shockingly, the food samples were eaten; no surprise, they didn't take good. Developers of microwaves felt this was not a practical method for quick and efficient cooking.

No word on the survival rate of the taste testers.


May 5, 1961 -
Alan B. Shepard was the first American in space, with a fifteen minute suborbital flight. He was forced to piss himself in his suit prior to launch, as it lacked an evacuation system.



He and his soiled space suit were launched in the 2,000-lb. capsule Freedom 7 from Cape Canaveral, Florida, by a Mercury-Redstone 3 rocket. The flight traveled 302 miles at a speed relative to the ground of of 4,500 mph.

This will be on the test.


May 5, 1981 -
Bobby Sands died after refusing food for 66 days in protest of his treatment as a criminal rather than a political prisoner by British authorities, on this date. His death immediately touched off widespread rioting in Belfast, as young Irish-Catholic militants clashed with police and British Army patrols and started fires. After Sands’ death, the hunger strike continued, and nine more men perished before it was called off on October 3, 1981, under pressure from Catholic Church leaders and the prisoners’ families.



In the aftermath of the strike, the administration of British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher agreed to give in to several of the protesters’ demands, including the right to wear civilian clothing and the right to receive mail and visits. Prisoners were also allowed to move more freely and no longer were subject to harsh penalties for refusing prison work. Official recognition of their political status, however, was not granted.


May 5, 1994 -
Michael Fay, an American teenager, was charged along with others for vandalism in Singapore. Fay’s original sentence was four months in jail, a large fine and six caning strokes. With the enormous amount of media coverage in the United States and the intervention of U.S. President Bill Clinton, this was reduced to approximately three months in jail, and four strokes.



Although, in the U.S., this is considered unusual and harsh punishment for vandalism, U.S. public support for the whacking was overwhelming (running 90% in Fay’s home town of Dayton, Ohio). Mr. Fay was obviously a popular kid back home.

There were many a buff hairless youth from the West Village would have gladly volunteered to take his place, assuming the position, spreading their firm, waxed buttock, exposing their freshly bleached anus, and manly taken four and twenty lashes with barely a whimper and eagerly have asked for more.



And so it goes.

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