Thursday, May 5, 2011

Before we begin the Festivities (celebrating Cinco de Mayo)

Please continue cutting those limes and getting that sea salt ready for the massive margarita you all have to make to celebrate this day, a brief note to the always twitter entertaining Mrs. Palin.
The next time you feel the need to tweet and use the words, "Pussy" and "Footing", please reconsider. I believe that I've ruptured some internal organs from laughing so hard.


For those of you who don't know - it's not Mexican Independence Day (that's September 16th) - it's the celebration of their victory over the French.



If you need another reason to celebrate the day - A US patent was issued for the first bottle with a screw cap and a pour lip to Edward A. Ravenscroft, Glencoe, Illinois (No 2,039,345.) Abbott Laboratories of North Chicago manufactured the bottles.



And remember nobody pisses in the beer, that just a stupid urban legend.


Today in History
May 5, 2349 BC -
Noah's Ark landed on Mount Ararat, according to calculations by James Ussher, Archbishop of the Church of Ireland.



According to the good bishop, Noah heard about the two for one Margaritas at Senor Swanky's.


May 5, 1821 -
Napoleon died on the island of St. Helena on this date. Some suspect from arsenic poisoning.



More likely, he died from stomach cancer as did his father. But then who knows, I wasn't there, were you?


May 5, 1891 -
Music Hall (Carnegie Hall) opened in NYC with Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, noted Russian composer and secret sodomite, as guest conductor.



It was quite a celebration. Andrew Carnegie’s new Music Hall opened with a five-day music festival on this date.


May 5, 1925 -
High school teacher John T. Scopes is arrested for teaching evolution by authorities in Dayton, Tennessee, as part of a publicity stunt to make the town famous.



Since Scopes admitted teaching the theory, he was found guilty, and the law remained on the books in the backward state until 1967.


May 5, 1945 -
Mrs Elsie Mitchell and five neighborhood children are killed while attempting to drag a Japanese balloon out the woods in Lakeview, Oregon. Unbeknownst to Mitchell and the children, the balloon was armed, and it exploded soon after they began tampering with it.



They are the only people killed in action on the US mainland during World War II.


May 5, 1961 -
Alan B. Shepard is the first American in space, with a fifteen minute suborbital flight. He was forced to piss himself in his suit prior to launch, as it lacked an evacuation system.



He and his soiled space suit were launched in the 2,000-lb. capsule Freedom 7 from Cape Canaveral, Florida, by a Mercury-Redstone 3 rocket. The flight traveled 302 miles at a speed relative to the ground of of 4,500 mph.

Aren't you glad you know that now.


May 5, 1994 -
Michael Fay, an American teenager, was charged along with others for vandalism in Singapore. Fay’s original sentence was four months in jail, a large fine and six caning strokes. With the enormous amount of media coverage in the United States and the intervention of U.S. President Clinton, this was reduced to approximately 3 months in jail, and four strokes.



Although, in the U.S., this is considered unusual and harsh punishment for vandalism, U.S. public support for the whacking was overwhelming (running 90% in Fay’s home town of Dayton, Ohio). Mr. Fay was obviously a popular kid back home. Also, many a strapping youth from Chelsea would have gladly dropped trou, exposed their firm and waxed buttocks, grabbing their ankles and manly taken four and twenty lashes with barely a whimper.

Oh, the youth of Dayton, Ohio.



And so it goes.

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