Just kill yourself

While paddling through the backwaters of the internet, I came upon an article about a new product - a kickboard scooter carry-on -



If you really think you can not go on without this; you're just too tragically hip to live.


April 10, 1925 -
Let us learn to show our friendship for a man when he is alive and not after he is dead.

F. Scott Fitzgerald third book, The Great Gatsby, was published on this date. Among various titles considered were Among Ashheaps and Millionaires, Gold-Hatted Gatsby, The High-Bouncing Lover, On the Road to West Egg and Fitzgerald's favorite Trimalchio's Banquet based on a character from the Roman character Trimalchio from the Satyricon. At the last moment, Fitzgerald agreed with his editor Max Perkins on the title, The Great Gatsby and it was published on this date.




The novel was not popular upon initial printing and sold fewer than 25,000 copies during the remaining fifteen years of Fitzgerald's life. Fitzgerald was very disappointed about this happening.

Much alcohol consumption and dissipation ensued.


April 10, 1937 -
Another very funny Merrie Melodies cartoon, She Was an Acrobat's Daughter, was released on this date.



The list of "Cast Off Characters" for the movie The Petrified Florist, :

The Hero... Lester Coward
The Shero... Bettie Savis
Rich Man... John P. Sockefeller
Poor Man... John Dough
Begger Man... Kismet
Thief... Oph Bagdad
Doctor... Jekyll
Lawyer... Ima Shyster


April 10, 1953 -
Warner Bros.' first 3-D movie, House of Wax, starring Vincent Price, premiered on this date.



The film's director, André De Toth, was blind in one eye and hence could not see the effect.


Today in History:
April 10, 1848 -
250 people die in a bridge collapse in Yarmouth, England. They had gathered on the suspension bridge to watch a clown boat be pulled by a flock of geese.

Nothing good comes from clowns.


April 10, 1866 -
Henry Bergh founded the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) in New York City, on this date.

Interesting enough, Bergh goes on, with a group of other like minded social reformers, to help found the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children in 1874.


April 10, 1912 -
... I cannot imagine any condition which would cause a ship to founder. I cannot conceive of any vital disaster happening to this vessel. Modern shipbuilding has gone beyond that . . . - Edward J. Smith (1907), the future captain of the RMS Titanic.



(The footage above was not footage of the Titanic but of her sister ship the RMS Olympic - very little 'actual' footage of the Titanic exist. )



The RMS Titanic left port in Southampton, England for her first and last voyage on this date.


April 10, 1917 -
133 people were killed in an explosion at the Eddystone ammunition factory in Chester, PA on this date. Satan was immediately implicated, with one official declaring the blast to be "the result of a diabolical plot conceived in the degenerate brain of a demon in human guise." It later turns out to have been caused by poorly-maintained powder loading machinery.

Lucifer writes a strongly worded Op-Ed piece for the Times complaining about his perceived negative image in the media.


April 10, 1919 -
Mexican Revolution leader Emiliano Zapata was ambushed and shot dead by government forces in Morelos, Mexico on this date.



Dubya's grandpappy did not attempt to steal his skull.


April 10, 1964 -
The Polo Grounds were demolished on this date and a public housing project was erected on the site. Demolition of the Polo Grounds began in April of that year with the same wrecking ball that had been used four years earlier on Ebbets Field.



The wrecking crew wore Giants jerseys and tipped their hard hats to the historic stadium as they began the dismantling. It took a crew of 60 workers more than four months to level the structure.


April 10, 1970 -
Answering questions concerning his upcoming debut solo album, Paul McCartney 'accidentally' announced on this date, that the Beatles were breaking up. Many were devastated when the legendary band announced that members were going their separate ways after more than 20 years of working together.



The breakup itself took over three years to become official because of numerous legal snafus.




And so it goes.


Before I let you go  - CGPGrey has come out with another great video - this time explaining Vatican City




And one more thing - I've watching this short a few times over the past 24 hours and I keep liking it more and more - Ursus:

More desperate than amusing

April 9, 1928 -
... Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.







Tom Lehrer, singer-songwriter, satirist, pianist, and mathematician,was born on this date.

Let's all go poison pigeons in the park in his honor.


Today in History:
April 9, 1241 -
In the Battle of Legnica, Silesia, Mongol armies defeated the Poles and Germans and the Mongols slaughtered the entire infantry. Mongols collected nine bags of ears* after the battle with Henry, Duke of Poland, on this date.

*In case you were wondering, apparently you can fit 25,000 ears into nine bags.


April 9, 1492 -
Lorenzo de' Medici died, turning his face to the wall to avoid the verbal abuse from Savonarola, who commands Lorenzo to confess his sins, indecencies and pride and to give the Florentines back their liberty, on this date.

It's very annoying to have your confessor pester you while you lay dying.


April 9, 1865 -
General Robert E. Lee surrendered the Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. Grant, effectively ending the American Civil War. On April 5th, Grant sent a message to Lee that said, "General: The result of the last week must convince you of the hopelessness of further resistance on the part of the Army of Northern Virginia in this struggle. P.S. If you could help an old friend out, send more bourbon. I've finished all of the Union's supply of that fine sippin' whisky of yours yesterday and I have a powerful thirst."



Lee wrote back to say, "Though not entirely of the opinion you express of the hopelessness of further resistance ... I reciprocate your desire to avoid useless effusion of blood, and therefore, before considering your proposition, ask the terms you will offer, on condition of its surrender. Also expect a barrowful of the heavenly nectar with this dispatch. Please tip the delivery boy, you cheap so and so."



And so they met at the Appomattox Court House on April 9th, Palm Sunday, just after noon. Afterward, Lee rode back to his camp, and crowds of Confederate soldiers along the road began to weep as he passed. Little did Grant know that least than a week later, he would have the sad honor of serving as a pallbearer at the funeral of his greatest champion, Abraham Lincoln.


April 9, 1830 -
It's the birthday of Eadweard Muybridge, born in Kingston-on-the-Thames, England. He emigrated to California in the 1850s, where he took up photography and quickly became one of the first internationally known photographers. Between 1867 and 1872 he took more than 2000 photographs, many of them views of the Yosemite Valley.

It was Eadweard Muybridge who designed a new camera that could take a picture in one-thousandth of a second. To test his improvement, he set up twenty-four cameras along a race track with trip wires to pull the shutters. With those cameras, he managed to take a series of pictures of a horse galloping, proving for the first time that all four of a horse's hooves will sometimes be off the ground at the same time, and winning his sponsor soon-to-be Governor of California Leland Stanford, a businessman and race-horse owner, a $25,000.00 bet. Muybridge's friendship with Stanford proved quite helpful.



In 1874, still living in the San Francisco Bay Area, Muybridge discovered that his wife had a lover, a Major Harry Larkyns. On October 17, 1874, he sought out Larkyns; said, "Good evening, Major, my name is Muybridge and here is the answer to the letter you sent my wife"; and shot and killed him. One is left to wonder what the good Major wrote to warrant such a response.

Muybridge thought his wife's son had been fathered by Larkyns (although, as an adult, the young man had a remarkable resemblance to Muybridge). He was put on trial for the killing, but acquitted of the killing on the grounds that it was "justifiable homicide." The inquiry interrupted the horse photography experiment, but not Stanford's support of Muybridge; Stanford paid for his criminal defense.


April 9, 1939 -
In 1939, the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR) refused permission for Marian Anderson, an African-American contralto singer, to perform in front of an integrated audience in Constitution Hall.



With the aid of President Franklin D. Roosevelt and First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, Anderson performed a critically acclaimed open-air concert on this date, on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. to a crowd of more than 75,000 people and a radio audience in the millions.


April 9, 1959 -
The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) introduces America's first astronauts for Project Mercury to the press: Scott Carpenter, L. Gordon Cooper Jr., John H. Glenn Jr., Virgil 'Gus' Grissom, Walter Schirra Jr., Alan Shepard Jr. and Donald Slayton. The seven men, all military test pilots, were carefully selected from a group of 32 candidates to take part in Project Mercury, America's first manned space program .



The only surviving members of the Mercury Seven, John Glenn and Scott Carpenter, are still going strong as of April 2013.


April 9, 1963 -
The first foreigner to receive honorary United States citizenship on this date, was Winston Churchill (whose mother had been American).



Only Sir Winston and the Marquis de LaFayette share this distinction. But it was the first time that Congress had actually resolved that honorary citizenship he bestowed, by the President of the United States, on a foreign national.


April 9, 1965 -
TIME magazine featured a cover with the entire Peanuts gang on this date.

After the Peanuts made the cover of TIME magazine, an advertising agent for the Coca-Cola company who had seen the Charles Schulz documentary produced by Lee Mendelson. The agent asked if Mendelson had thought about creating a Peanuts Christmas special. Mendelson fibbed that he had; the following day, he and Schulz came up with the story. A Charlie Brown Christmas is the longest-running cartoon special in history, airing every year since its debut in 1965.



And so it goes.

There's something vaguely unsettling about this

I'm not sure the world needed a watermelon scented soap



And I'm not sure you need to sell it with a naked man in a gym brandishing a knife and a genetically engineered watermelon basketball.  But maybe that's just me.


Happy Birthday Siddhartha Gautama (if you're in Japan - maybe.)



Otherwise, just calculate the first full moon day of the sixth month of the Buddhist lunar calendar, which would be the fourth month of the Chinese calendar, except in years in which there's an extra full moon, and then Buddha's birthday falls in the seventh month. Well, except where it starts a week earlier. And in Tibet it's usually a month later.

Hey - this is Zen


April 8, 1979 -
The 204th and final episode of All in the Family, Too Good Edith, aired on this date.



The series would come back in the fall in the less successful offering, Archie's Place.


April 8, 1990 -
It wasn't a very good day for Laura Palmer - The cult series Twin Peaks, the series about cherry pie and Damn fine cup o' coffee!, premiered on ABC-TV on this date.



The series was originally to be titled Northwest Passage. The character of Josie Packard (played by Joan Chen) was originally named Giovanna "Jo" Pasqualini Packard, and was intended to be played by Isabella Rossellini, who was dating David Lynch at the time.


Today in History:
It's a bad day for rulers -
April 8, 217 -
Caracalla (Marcus Aurelius Antoniius) Roman emperor (188 – 217) was murdered by one of his guards with a single sword stroke while defecating .



Not a pleasant way to go.


April 8, 1143 -
John II Comnenus Emperor of Byzantium (1118-43), died when he was accidentally infected by a poisoned arrow while out hunting.

I hate when that happens


April 8, 1364 -
John II the Good, King of France (1350-64), died at 44 after a night of heavy drinking in London.

You may ask why the King of France was drinking in London - that's another story.


April 8, 1498 -
Charles VIII the affable, King of France (1483-98), died in a freak tennis accident -

striking himself on the head while passing through a doorway, leaving the tennis court. A few hours later, he fell into a sudden coma and died.

Tennis - it's an extreme sport.


April 8, 1820 -
The famous marble sculpture, The Venus de Milo, was discovered on the island of Milos by Yorgos Kentrotas and a French naval officer, Jules Dumont d'Urville on this date.



The Marquis de Rivière presented it to Louis XVIII, who donated it to the Louvre the following year. The complete arms were never found.


April 8, 1832 -
Some 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry, lead by Brigadier General Henry Atkinson left Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians in what would become known as the Black Hawk War, on this date.

This is one of history's funny coincidences, in which Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis led troops on the same side - Lincoln as a captain of militia, Davis as a lieutenant of Regulars.

Impress the habitués of your local tavern.


April 8, 1950 -
Vaslav Fomich Nijinsky, one of the most gifted male dancers in history - celebrated for his virtuosity and for the depth and intensity of his characterizations, died on this date, in a psychiatric hospital.



No film exists of Nijinsky dancing. Sergei Diaghilev never allowed his ballet company, the Ballets Russes, to be filmed. He felt that the quality of film at the time could never capture the artistry of his dancers and that the reputation of the company would suffer if people saw it only in short jerky films.


April 8, 1973 -
...Drink to me, drink to my health, you know I can’t drink any more....



Pablo Ruiz Picasso, one of the most recognized figures in twentieth-century art, he is best known for co-founding the Cubist movement, the wide variety of styles embodied in his work and sleeping with almost anything that moved, died on this date.


April 8, 1974 -
The largest crowd in Braves history (53,775) watched Hank Aaron break Babe Ruth's home run record on  this date with a hit in the 4th inning off Los Angeles pitcher Al Downing. The ball landed in the Braves bullpen where reliever Tom House caught it.



While cannons were firing in celebration and Aaron rounded the bases, two college students appeared and ran alongside of him before security stepped in.


April 8, 1994 -
Kurt Colbain's body is found three days after committing suicide with a shotgun.



That was probably not a pretty sight (I won't even mention the smell - definitely not teen spirit.)



And so it goes.

I'll give him this - the kid's got nerve

Here's a novel way to ask a girl to the prom:



I don't think they sell those booty pants at Robert Hall's.


Today is World Health Day. World Health Day celebrates the founding of WHO (World Health Organization) in 1948 on this date. This years topic of World Health Day 2013 is high blood pressure (hypertension.)



While preventable, high blood pressure remains a leading risk factor for heart disease and stroke and a major cause of morbidity and mortality.  I know this may be shocking but I, myself suffer from hypertension.  And it puts a nasty crimp in my drinking


April 7, 1805 -
Beethoven conducted the premiere of his Eroica Symphony No. 3 in E flat major on this date. Beethoven uses the symphony to convey popular notions about heroism and revolution, which were prevalent throughout Europe at the time.



He was full of enthusiasm and respect for the French Revolution's ideals, and especially (at first) Napoleon Bonaparte. Beethoven, like a teenage groupie, scrawled Napoleon's name all over the dedication page of the symphony.



But then Napoleon went on a world tour and started conquering random European countries. When he became a truly evil bastard, finally declared himself Emperor of the French in 1804, Beethoven flew into a rage. He ripped through the paper as he scratched out Napoleon's name with a knife.


April 7, 1915 -
Eleanora Fagan, considered by many to be the greatest jazz vocalist of all time, was born on this day. Though her career was relatively short and often erratic, she left behind a body of work as great as any vocalist before or since.







Eleanora's (or as she was professionally known, Billie Holiday) vocal style — strongly inspired by instrumentalists — pioneered a new way of manipulating wording and tempo, and also popularized a more personal and intimate approach to singing.


April 7, 1927 -
An audience in New York saw an image of Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover in the first successful long-distance demonstration of television. Hoover’s image and voice were transmitted across telephone lines. Edna Mae Horner, an operator at the Chesapeake and Potomac Telephone Company, assisted the transmission and became the first woman on television

Unfortunately, this was not a demonstration of a time machine and Hoover didn't get a message about the upcoming Great Depression.


In March of 1933, President Roosevelt signed the Cullen–Harrison Act allowing the sale of beer once again with the proviso, the beer remain no more than 3.2% alcohol by weight.



On April 7th of that year, the act became law, and beer production began – thus marking the imminent end of Prohibition. April 7th does NOT signify the end of National Prohibition. National Prohibition ended on December 5, 1933. New Beer's Eve (which was celebrated last night) occurs the day before National Alcohol-Free Weekend begins.

Celebrate either as you see fit.


April 7, 1939 -
That little old Italian wine maker, Francis Ford Coppola, (who is also a magazine publisher and hotelier) was born on this date.



Like Martin Scorsese, Coppola was a sickly youth, a case of polio which allowed him time to indulge in puppet theater and home movies.


April 7, 1954 -
President Dwight D. Eisenhower coined one of the most famous Cold War phrases when he suggests the fall of French Indochina to the communists could create a "domino" effect in Southeast Asia on this date.



The so-called "domino theory" dominated U.S. thinking about Vietnam for the next decade.

Who know that the President was so afraid of the Pizza boy?


April 7, 1970 -
John Schlesinger's Midnight Cowboy won the Oscar for Best Picture on this date. It remains the only X-rated film to win an Academy Award.



The film was rated "X" (no one under 17 admitted) upon its original release in 1969, but the unrestricted use of that rating by pornographic filmmakers caused the rating to quickly become associated with hardcore sex films. Because of the stigma that developed around the "X" rating in the ratings system's early years, many theaters refused to run "X" films and many newspapers would not run ads for them. The film was given a new "R" (children under 17 must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian) rating in 1971, without having anything changed or removed.


April 7, 1989 -
Soviet nuclear submarine K-278 Komsomolets sank in the Norwegian sea, with two nuclear reactors and two nuclear torpedoes aboard on this date. 41 crew members died,



and the submarine remains one mile below the surface of the ocean, with its nuclear weapons intact.

When was the last time you had Norwegian smoked salmon?


April 7, 1990 -
A display of Robert Mapplethorpe photographs opened at Cincinnati's Contemporary Arts Center, the same day the center and its director, Dennis Barrie were indicted on obscenity charges on this date.



Both were later acquitted.


April 7, 1998 -
Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou was arrested by an undercover police officer after pleasuring himself in front him in a public toilet.



If George only realized how many of his fans would have happily dons uniforms and stood before him in any restroom of his choice.



And so it goes.

Reason enough to get up this morning

April 6, 1930 -
Hostess Twinkies were invented by bakery executive James Dewar on this date.



Hang tight, the new owner of Hostess Brands Inc's snack cakes hopes to have Twinkies back on U.S. store shelves by this summer.


April 6, 1936 -
Flash Gordon: The Planet of Peril, a film serial which tells the story of three people from Earth who travel to the planet Mongo to fight the evil Emperor Ming the Merciless, premiered on this date.



Despite its large budget of $360,000, this serial utilized many sets from other Universal films, such as the laboratory and crypt set from Bride of Frankenstein, the castle interiors from Dracula's Daughter, the idol from The Mummy and the opera house interiors from The Phantom of the Opera. In addition, the outer walls of Ming's castle were actually the cathedral walls from The Hunchback of Notre Dame.


April 6, 1946 -
Another in the series of Daffy/ Porky cartoons, Daffy Doodles, premiered on this date.



This cartoon is the first full-length cartoon that animator Robert McKimson directed.


April 6, 1953 -
Universal Pictures releases the science fiction comedy film Abbott and Costello Go To Mars,  starring Bud Abbott and Lou Costello on this date.



 A very young Harry Shearer appears as one of the boys seen near the beginning of the film.  Miss Sweden of 1950, Anita Ekberg, makes an early career appearance as one of the guards on the planet Venus.


Today in History:
April 6, 1327 -
Francesco Petrarch, former priest and foot fetisher, met Laura de Sade (the wife of Count Hugues de Sade, an ancestor of the Marquis de Sade) in a church at Avignon on this date, and was inspired for the rest of his life. He wrote his finest poems about her beauty and loveliness.



This event has been taken to mark the beginning of the Renaissance.

Now you know.


April 6, 1570 -
Raffaello Sanzio (Raphael) was an Italian master painter and architect of the Florentine school in High Renaissance, celebrated for the perfection and grace of his paintings. To celebrate his upcoming 37th birthday, Raphael got together with his girlfriend, Margherita and made hot monkey love. As is often the case, too much of a good thing can kill you.



So, on Good Friday, April 6, 1570, attempted to get out of bed after a night of excessive sex, Raphael fell into a fever. And not telling his doctors that this was its cause, given it was Good Friday, was given the wrong cure, which killed him.


April 6, 1868 -
To celebrate the 38th anniversary of the founding of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by Joseph Smith Jr. and the 8th anniversary of the the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints by Joseph Smith III (Joe Jr.'s son), Mormon prophet Brigham Young marries 23-year-old Ann Eliza Webb on this date.

This is Young's 27th wife, 18 of which are still married to him.

All I can say is - it's hard enough to keep one woman moderately happy - imagine the amount of energy it takes to keep 18 women amused.


April 6, 1896 -
The 1896 Summer Olympics, officially known as the Games of the I Olympiad, were held in Athens, Greece starting on this date. These games were the first modern Olympic Games and the first Games since Roman emperor Theodosius I banned the Ancient Olympic Games in 393.



They were held between Monday, April 6 and Wednesday, April 15, 1896. Europeans were so enthusiastic about the revival of the Olympics, they didn't notice until four years later that the Summer Games were held in early spring.


On this day in 1917, the United States formally declared war against Germany and entered World War I. At the time, the war had been going on in Europe for three years, but there was no real immediate threat to the United States.



Up until then, Woodrow Wilson had been opposed to the war. His campaign for president in 1916 included the slogan, "He kept us out of the war," though Wilson never used that phrase himself.


April 6, 1925 -
First in-flight film was shown on an airplane (Imperial Airline) on a flight from London to Paris on this date.



The film was, The Lost World, the first science-fiction film (with early examples of stop-motion special effects) about prehistoric dinosaurs in a remote South American jungle. Given the plane’s wood frame and fabric hull, the actual film stock, which was extremely flammable, poses a significant danger on the flight.


April 6, 1971 -
The Rolling Stones helf a party in Cannes to unveil the launching of Rolling Stone Records on this date. The record label was created to promote the hits of The Rolling Stones. The famous Stones trademark, the lips logo, became widely used.

Brown Sugar was the first hit by the Rolling Stones on the new label, followed by Wild Horses and Tumbling Dice.


April 6, 1994 -
The Rwandan Genocide began, on this date, with the assassination of Rwandan President Juvénal Habyarimana.



It lasted a little more than 100 days, but claimed over 800,000 lives.


April 6, 1998 -
Wendy O. Williams, former porn star and singer for The Plasmatics, killed herself with a gun near her Connecticut home on this date.



Please crank this up to 11 in her honor.

Kids, if you try this at home - don't blame me if sh*t happens.



And so it goes

The balcony is permanently closed

Roger Ebert, died yesterday, after announcing just a few days previously that his cancer had come back and was taking a 'leave of presence'.



Two big thumbs up for a life well spent at the movies.


April 5, 1965 -
Lava Lamp Day is celebrated on this date. The first motion lamp was designed in 1963 by an engineer, Edward Craven Walker, who sold it under the name Astro Lamp. In 1965, two American entrepreneurs, Adolph Wertheimer and William M. Rubinstein, saw the lamp displayed at a German trade show and were in awe at its beauty. They bought the rights to manufacture the lamp in North America. The Astro Lamp was brought to the USA, renamed the LAVA® brand motion lamp and production took off in Chicago.



Some of the original participants have not stopped celebrating.


April 5, 1987 -
The first prime time television series to air on Fox, Married... with Children, premiered on this date



The series and the fledgling Fox network were little known until the season three episode "Her Cups Runneth Over" which Michegan housewife and "family values" activist Terry Rakolta found so offensive that she began a letter-writing campaign to the show's sponsors to try to get them to withdraw their sponsorship and for Fox to drop the show. A few sponsors did cancel their commercials, but her efforts had exactly the opposite effect she wanted: the story spread like wildfire and resulted in a huge jump in the ratings for the show. It made Married with Children a major hit and put Fox Network on the map.


Today in History:
April 5, 2, 348 BC -
According to some religious calculations, Noah's Ark grounded on Mt. Ararat in Turkey. The Bible only gives a general reference as to the landing place of the Ark.



So let's all thank our progenitor grandpappy for steering that ship the right way.


April 5, 1242-
Alexander Nevsky of Novgorod defeated the Teutonic Knights at the "Battle on the Icey More of Pskov (Battle of Lake Peipus)" in Estonia on this date.



In 1938, Sergei Eisenstein made one of his most acclaimed films, Alexander Nevsky, based on Nevsky's victory over the Teutonic Knights.


It was on this day in 1614 that Pocahontas married John Rolfe (and not John Smith) in the English colony of Jamestown, Virginia.



The story of Pocahontas has become an American legend; it's been retold countless times, in history books, novels, poems, TV shows, and movies. Many versions distort the facts by focusing on Pocahontas' relationship with John Smith and ignoring her marriage to John Rolfe. The story goes that Smith was captured by the Powhatans and was about to be clubbed to death when a young Pocahontas ran out and took him in her arms, saving his life (Daffy Duck and Porky Pig even get into this act) — but most historians think that Smith made up most of the story.

John Davis, in his 1806 historical novel, The First Settlers of Virginia, added a dramatic romance between Smith and Pocahontas, and that romance has been included in most of the Pocahontas stories since then, including Disney's animated movie that came out in 1995 and Terrence Malick's A New World in 2005.



But it was John Rolfe who married Pocahontas, after she had been abducted by the colonists. They had hoped they could use her as a bargaining chip with her father, the chief of the Powhatan tribe, to negotiate a peace treaty. The kidnapping didn't work out, but after John Rolfe fell in love with the girl, he got the chief's blessing, and the marriage led to a long period of peace between Jamestown and the Powhatan Indians.



Now prepare yourself for a shock, some genealogists have claimed that the Bush family (including US presidents George H. W. Bush and George W. Bush) are descended from Pocahontas. This obviously is an impossibility because Duyba lacks any native sense whatsoever.


April 5, 1794 -
Georges Jacques Danton, a leading figure in the early stages of the French Revolution and the first President of the Committee of Public Safety was hoisted on his own petard on this date.



Robespierre, once an ally, sends Danton to the guillotine for antirevolutionary activity. Danton's last words were addressed to his executioner. "Don't forget to show my head to the people. It's well worth seeing."


April 5, 1887 -
Anne Sullivan had been attempting to get Keller to make the connection between objects and words for about a month before she had her breakthrough associating the word "water" with water running across her hand.



Keller progressed rapidly after that, and is said to have exhausted Sullivan by running around asking the names of everything she could reach.


April 5, 1900 -
Jean-Baptiste Victor Sipido, a 15 year old Belgian anarchist attempt to shoot Edward, Prince of Wales in his private train compartment, as the train leaves the Brussel-Noord railway station on this date.

Amazingly, although Sipido fires two shoots through the window (and Edward was not a thin man,) he missed everyone inside and was quickly wrestled to the ground. Shockingly, Sipido was acquitted at his trial due to his age.


April 5, 1902 -
Maurice Ravel's Pavane pour une infante defunte, (Pavane for a dead Princess) premiered in Paris, France on this date.



You may now feel morally superior to the person in the next cubicle for knowing this.


April 5, 1923 -
George Edward Stanhope Molyneux Herbert (Lord Carnarvon), died in Egypt from an infected mosquito bite. He financed the excavation of the Egyptian New Kingdom Pharaoh Tutankhamen’s tomb in Egypt's Valley of the Kings.



But remember, then was no mummy's curse.


April 5, 1964 -
Douglas MacArthur was wrong when he said, "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away."



The controversial five-star general died in his penthouse suite at the Waldorf-Astoria on this date.


April 5, 1976 -
Today, 37 years ago, as it must to all men, death came to the frail, syphilitic, obsessive-compulsive bisexual playboy Howard Robard Hughes.



I guess if I had that much money, I'd 'sleep' with anything I could.


April 5, 1994 -
Lead singer and songwriter of Nirvana, Kurt Cobain, committed suicide with a shotgun blast to the head, prompting an unprecedented 24 hour MTV Cobain-athon.



Smells like brain splattered against the wall.


April 5, 1997 -
... Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa! ...



Allen Ginsberg, Beat poet giant died on this date.


April 5, 2008 -
They were finally able to pry that rifle from his cold rigor mortis stricken hands



Actor and former NRA president Charlton Heston died at 84 on this date.



And so it goes

I'm left wondering

The series of Charmin Bears 'crapping' commercials always puzzle me



What brand of toilet paper was the bear using previously that using Charmin has left him so rhapsodic?  And did that bear wash his paws before leaving the bathroom?


To celebrate the 30 year anniversary of the release of Huey Lewis and the News' album Sports, the folks at the Funny or Die website got Huey Lewis and Weird Al together to recreate a scene from the film American Psycho, where Christian Bale's character explained why Huey Lewis and the News was a great band.



Revenge is a dish best served cold.


April 4, 1931  -
United Artists released the first version of the Hecht and MacArthur newspaper comedy, The Front Page, on this date.



The last line of the play had to be partly obliterated by the sound of a typewriter being accidentally struck because the censors (even of that day) wouldn't allow the phrase "son-of-a-bitch" to be used in a film.


April 4, 1964 -
The Beatles set an all-time record on the Top 100 chart of Billboard magazine this day,  holding an unprecedented twelve positions on Billboard Hot 100 singles chart on this date.



The Beatles accounted for 60 percent of the entire singles record business during the first three months of 1964. Those singles by The Beatles this day were:
"Can't Buy Me Love"
"Twist and Shout"
"She Loves You"
"I Want to Hold Your Hand"
"Please Please Me"
"I Saw Her Standing There"
"You Can't Do That"
"All My Loving"
"Roll Over Beethoven"
"From Me To You"
"Do You Want To Know A Secret"
"Thank You Girl"

Not too shabby


Today in History:
April 4, 1561 -
Over Nuremberg, Germany, a battle in the sky transpires between black and blood-red balls, disks, and crosses on this date.



It is never made clear who prevailed in this UFO incident.


April 4, 1721 –
Sir Robert Walpole enters office as the first Prime Minister of the United Kingdom under King George I on this date.



Robert Walpole came into office on the tail end of the South Sea Bubble collapse and was credited with leading the country out of financial disaster, cementing the importance of the Prime Minister position in British government.


April 4, 1841 -
William Henry Harrison was an American military leader, politician, and the ninth President of the United States. He took the oath of office on March 4, 1841, an extremely cold and windy day. People told him, "Think what your mother would say - Take a coat, it's cold." Nevertheless, he faced the weather without his overcoat and delivered the longest inaugural address in American history. At 8,445 words, it took nearly two hours to read. He then rode through the streets in the inaugural parade, and later caught a cold, which then developed into pneumonia and pleurisy. People still told him, " Think what your mother would say - Have a liedown. Have some nice chicken soup."

He sought to rest in the White House, but could not find a quiet room, as he was deluged with people seeking his favor in the hope that he would appoint them to the numerous offices the president then had at his disposal. In addition, his position and new arrival in Washington obligated Harrison to keep an extremely busy social schedule, making any rest time scarce.



His doctors tried everything to cure him, applying opium enemas, castor oil, Virginia snakeweed, and even actual snakes (don't ask what they did with the snakes.) But the treatments only made Harrison worse and he went into delirium. He died a month later, at 12:30 a.m., on April 4, 1841, of right lower lobe pneumonia, jaundice, and overwhelming septicemia, becoming the first American president to die in office. His last words were "Sir, I wish you to understand the true principles of the government. I wish them carried out. I ask nothing more." Harrison served the shortest term of any American president: only 30 days, 11 hours and 30 minutes.



A curious fact, Harrison's name backward is No Sirrah. When Harrison took office in 1841 at the age of 68, he was the oldest man to become President; a record that stood for 140 years, until Ronald Reagan became President in 1981 at the age of 69.

Remember, as I stated yesterday, your mother is always right.


April 4, 1933 -
USS Akron (ZRS-4) the accident-prone helium-filled rigid airship of the United States Navy was lost in a weather-related accident off the New Jersey coast, killing 73 of the 76 crew and passengers on board on this date.



The Akron's loss spelled the beginning of the end for the rigid airship in the US Navy, especially since one of its leading proponents, Rear Admiral Moffett, was killed with 72 other men.


April 4, 1958 -
Lana Turner's 14 year old daughter Cheryl Crane, apparently stabs her mother's abusive mobster boyfriend Johnny Stompanato (it has always been alleged that Lana was the actual killer and that Cheryl, who faced minimal judicial punishment under the circumstances, took the rap for her). A coroner's jury finds she committed justifiable homicide.



Allegedly, while filming the movie, Another Time, Another Place, Lana Turner was rumored to have been having an affair with her costar, actor Sean Connery. Stompanato stormed onto the set, and during a verbal altercation with Connery, Stompanato waved a gun in Connery's face. Connery reacted by taking the gun away from him, physically beating Stompanato and sending him off the film set. After Stompanato's death, there were rumors that organized crime mobsters believed Connery had helped bring on the eventual demise of Stompanato, and Connery is alleged to have laid low for a time. There is no evidence that Connery and Turner were having an affair; this sort of behavior was apparently normal for Stompanato.


April 4, 1968 -
Civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated by a rifleman (possibly James Earl Ray) while standing on the second-story balcony of the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee. He had come to Tennessee to support a strike by the city's sanitation workers.



The night before he died, he gave a speech at the Memphis Temple Church in which he said, "I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land."


April 4, 1973 -
The World Trade Center in New York was officially dedicated on this date.



In order to create the 16-acre World Trade Center site, five streets were closed off and 164 buildings were demolished. Construction required the excavation of more than 1.2 million cubic yards of earth, which was used to create 23.5 acres of land along the Hudson River, now part of Battery Park City in lower Manhattan. During peak construction periods, 3,500 people worked at the site. A total of 10,000 people worked on the towers; 60 died during its construction.



Recently, the press was given a tour of the new observation deck on the 100th floor of One World Trade Center.

Who knows where the time goes?


April the 4th, 1984 -
To the past, or to the future. To an age when thought is free. From the Age of Big Brother, from the Age of the Thought Police, from a dead man... greetings.

Winston Smith begins his secret diary on this date.



And so it goes

Once again, I've driven too far on the internet

Those 4 inches sealed the deal -



and what she can do with those extra 4 inches


April 3, 1942 -
Mr. Las Vegas, Carson Wayne Newton, was born on this date.



Do you think he's wearing Bill Shatner's old girdle?


April 3, 1958 -
One of the Baldwin brothers, I think the not-so-husky but very hairy one, Alexander Rae Baldwin III was born on this date.



Alec has three younger brothers, all actors and two younger sisters, who are not brothers or actors. It's been rumored that there was another Baldwin brother, Gummo, who was eaten by his siblings in some childhood shopping accident at a Long Island A & P, but that have never been proven.


Today in History:
April 3, 33 -
A small town rabbi and itinerant prophet of a little known Jewish sect was put to death in Jerusalem in a particularly unpleasant way on this date.



2000 years later, little children eat jelly beans and chocolate bunnies to commemorate this event.

Go figure.


Things were not looking good for the Outlaw Jesse James. With his gang depleted by arrests, deaths, and defections, Jesse thought he had only two men left whom he could trust: brothers Bob and Charley Ford. Frank James had decided to retire and attempt to settle down. Joe Walsh had not yet been born. Little did he know that Bob Ford had been conducting secret negotiations with Thomas T. Crittenden, the Missouri governor, to bring in Jesse James.



On April 3, 1882, as James prepared for another robbery, and as all good bank robbers did, he decided to go some little housekeeping. It was a rare moment: He had his guns off, having removed them earlier when the unusual heat forced him to remove his coat; as he moved in and out of the house, he feared the pistols would attract attention from the several passers-by. Seizing the opportunity, the Fords drew their revolvers. Bob was the fastest, firing a shot into the back of Jesse's head, cooling him off and killing him instantly.



The assassination proved a national sensation. The Fords made no attempt to hide their role; as crowds pressed into the little house in St. Joseph to see the dead bandit, they surrendered to the authorities, pleaded guilty, were sentenced to hang, and were promptly pardoned by the governor. Indeed, the governor's quick pardon suggested that he was well aware that the brothers intended to kill, rather than capture, Jesse James. (The Ford brothers, like many who knew James, never believed it was practical to try to capture such a dangerous man.) The implication that the chief executive of Missouri conspired to kill a private citizen startled the public and helped create a new legend in James.



The Fords received a portion of the reward (some of it also went to law enforcement officials active in the plan) and fled Missouri, which now fully embraced the outlaw who had long divided public opinion in the state. Zerelda, Jesse’s mother, appeared at the coroner’s inquest, deeply anguished, and loudly denounced Dick Liddil, a former gang member who was cooperating with state authorities. Charley Ford committed suicide in May 1884. Bob Ford was killed by a shotgun blast to the throat in his tent saloon in Creede, Colorado, on June 8, 1892. His killer, Edward Capehart O'Kelley, was sentenced to life in prison. Because of health problems, his sentence was commuted, and O'Kelley was released on October 3, 1902.



Insufferable Bastards are not to be confused with Evil Bastards. Insufferable Bastards correct your pronunciation, order mesclun salad, and belittle your appreciation of hamburgers; Evil Bastards kill millions of people and launch world wars.



Ironically, this week marks the anniversary of one of this century’s Evilest Bastards coming to power: Joe Stalin became Secretary General of the Communist Party on April 3, 1922.


April 3, 1924 -
The brilliant actor and total loon Marlon Brando was born on this date.



It's almost hard to remember that Brando was one of the more beautiful and talented actor (and owner of one of the most voracious sexual appetites) of his generation.



Interesting fact: according to Brando, the great love of his life was Wally Cox.



Brando is quoted as saying: "If Wally had been a woman, I would have married him and we would have lived happily ever after." After TV's Mr. Peepers and the voice of Underdog died, Brando kept his ashes in his bedroom for 30 years and conversed with them nightly. Eventually, the ashes (Wally's) were eventually scattered with his (Marlon's) own.



April 3, 1924 -
She exuded sex but made you smile about it. - James Garner



Doris Mary Ann Kappelhoff, singer and actress, was born on this date (and still going strong.)

I bet you never thought about Marlon Brando and Doris Day in the same universe.


On April 3, 1930, Ras Tafari was proclaimed Emperor Haile Selassie of Ethiopia (his coronation occurred on November 3, 1930.)



This ultimately resulted in Bob Marley.




April 3, 1936 -
The state of New Jersey extends one final courtesy to Bruno Hauptmann and offer him the hot seat for the kidnap and murder of the Lindbergh baby.



(as previously discussed, a crime he probably did not commit.)


April 3, 1966 -
Soviet Union's Luna 10 became the first spacecraft to orbit Moon on this date.



No amount of Preparation H helped President Johnson's hemorrhoidal flare up on this date.



And so it goes

Believe nothing on the internet

A Special Message From the President



I only thought Dubya had trouble with doors.


Today is Happy National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day. Legend has it that American soldiers in World War II mixed their ratios of peanut butter and jelly to make a new treat. When they returned sales of peanut butter and jelly soared. Everyone was soon making PBJ sandwiches.



Enjoy your lunch kids.


April 2, 1942 -
One of the (in)famous 'censored' Looney Tunes, Any Bonds Today?, was released on this date.



This movie stands as a testament to the rapid rise in popularity of Bugs Bunny. Only a year and a half earlier, Bugs had been introduced to the public in A Wild Hare and already the Treasury Department had commissioned a special Bugs film to sell war bonds.


April 2, 1948 -
I Taw a Putty Tat, another classic Sylvester and Tweety cartoon, premiered on this date.



Look for the first appearance of Hector the Bulldog.


April 2, 1968 -
Stanley Kubrick's influential science-fiction film 2001: A Space Odyssey, premiered in Washington D.C. on this date.



There is no dialogue in the first 25 minutes of the movie, nor in the last 23 minutes (excluding end credits). With these two lengthy sections and other shorter ones, there are around 88 dialogue-free minutes in the movie.



Pink Floyd was at one point approached to perform music for the film. However they turned it down due to other commitments. Yet they retain a connection with the film: much like The Wizard of Oz and Dark Side of the Moon, it is said that Pink Floyd's song Echoes from the album Meddle can be perfectly synchronized with the Jupiter & Beyond the Infinite section of the film.

You figure out how much dope you have to smoke in order to make that work out.


Today in History -
Back in the eighth century, countries had not yet been formally invented. That part of western Europe known today as France was simply called Frankland. This helped distinguish it from neighboring areas, such as Georgeland to the north and Hansland to the east. The Franks had allowed themselves to be ruled for several generations by the Merovingians. The Franks hoped that the Merovingians would someday make them a country, preferably France.

Unfortunately the Merovingians had names like Merowig, Dagobert and Childeric, and were therefore unlikely to produce a serious nation, such as France, but more likely Luxembourg or Liechtenstein.

Working directly beneath the kings of the Merovingian line, however, was a family that had been increasing its power and influence in the Frankish court for several generations. These were the descendants of Arnulf, and they were much more serious than the flaky Merovingians.

The Arnulfians were all named either Pepin or Charles, and they all served as Mayors of the Palace. It wasn’t much of a title, but it let them siphon power from the Merovingians until the kings had no power left at all.

The last Merovingian king was Childeric III. When he realized he was finally powerless, that the office of the palace mayor had usurped all the power of the monarchy, he became upset and refused to trim his whiskers.

He was shaved, and sent off to live in a monastery.

The first Arnulfian king was Pepin the Short, son of Charles "the Hammer" Martel, son of Pepin the Easily Confused. Pepin the Short had two sons, Charles and Carloman. The boys were too young to have acquired official nicknames, but were almost certainly referred to affectionately as Chuckie and Carlo, possibly in that order.

King Pepin got the Pope’s approval to be king, and immediately afterward began exterminating Saracens. This was a favorite recreation of European royalty at the time. History is ambiguous about these so-called Saracens, who afflicted southern and eastern Europe during this period. They may have been an aggressive species of deer, fierce carnivorous birds, or even swarms of disease-carrying rodents. Some historians call them "Mussel-men"--presumably half-mussel, half-man: such a monster is too terrible to imagine, especially if you like seafood. We know only that it was necessary to kill them, and that Pepin did this admirably.

Finally he died.

Chuckie and Carlo divided the Frankland between them until Carlo died, at which point Chuckie became king of everything.

It seemed inappropriate to call him Chuckie from that point forward, and so he came to be known as Big Chuck. As he got older, he became Charles the Great, and eventually, of course, he turned out to be Charlemagne.



He conquered a lot of territory, killed a lot of Saracens, and is often credited with the invention of France, or at least something that closely resembled it.

He was born on April 2. I forgot to mention that.


April 2, 1513 -
Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon landed on the coast of Florida on this day looking for the fabled "Fountain of Youth," (Fountains of Wayne hadn't formed as a group yet, so tickets would not have been on sale.)



The Captain exclaimed that he had discovered a new land and claimed it for Spain.  This annoyed the native population almost immediately and Leon and his explorers made a hasty retreat to Cuba, though the territory remained officially the property of Spain until the 1800s.



April 2, 1917 -
President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration of war against Germany to Congress on this date.

Congress granted the request four days later, and the US entered World War I. Luckily, Mr. Wilson hadn't had his debilitating stroke yet - Mrs. Wilson was still working on throwing her voice.



And so it goes .

How Time Flies When You're The Janitor.

It the non-denominational the Feast of St. Stupid's day

here is the history of St. Stupid, directly from the font of all knowledge - Wikipedia:

... According to legend, St. Stupid was the son of a codpiece. It is also told that he had not one mother, but thousands. Wherever a country lass was deceived by a traveling player, wherever a child of questionable parentage was born, St. Stupid was there. He was a clever child who played the fool from an early age. He did not speak until he was in puberty, although he was able from the time he was two. He delighted in confounding and confusing his fellow beings. He did rock imitations. He slept with the chickens and crowed with the roosters. He traveled over most of the known world and much of the unknown world, creating mischief wherever he went. At times he attracted others and together they put on dumb shows where they confounded and swindled their audiences....

An annual parade celebrating the venerable saint is held in San Francisco.


April is International Twit Award Month.



Please think about this as tensions rise on the Korean peninsula.


It's April

It's that cruel month - mixing memory with tax payments. April was the second month in an early Roman calendar, but became the fourth when the ancient Romans started using January as the first month. The Romans called the month Aprilis. It may come from a word meaning 'to open', or it may come from Aphrodite, the Greek name for the goddess of love or it may come from the word meaning 'month that used to be second but now is fourth'.




Small animals that hibernate are usually coming out of their burrows in April. The birds fly back northward or they settle down to have their families. Small people usually fly northwards from Miami to spend the holidays with their mishpocha. The bees and butterflies begin to gather nectar from the first flowers of the season.



In some parts of the world, it's planting time. In other parts, it's the harvest season. And yet in other places, it's the sanity that follows March Madness. Professional baseball begins in April. Then the amateur athletes begin to go outside in the warm weather. Spring cleaning starts and people start mowing their yards again.



Unlike most of the other nonfoolish holidays, the history of April Fool's Day, sometimes called All Fool's Day, is not totally clear. There really wasn't a "first April Fool's Day" that can be pinpointed on the calendar. Some believe it sort of evolved simultaneously in several cultures at the same time, from celebrations involving the first day of spring.



The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the new year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved to January 1.



However, communications being what they were in the days when news traveled by foot, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the new year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as "fools" by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on "fools errands" or were made the butt of other practical jokes.

This harassment evolved, over time, into a tradition of prank-playing on the first day of April. The tradition eventually spread to England and Scotland in the eighteenth century. It was later introduced to the American colonies of both the English and French. April Fool's Day thus developed into an international fun fest, so to speak, with different nationalities specializing in their own brand of humor at the expense of their friends and families.

In Scotland, for example, April Fool's Day is actually celebrated for two days. The second day is devoted to pranks involving the posterior region of the body. It is called Taily Day. The origin of the "kick me" sign can be traced to this observance.

Mexico's counterpart of April Fool's Day is actually observed on December 28. Originally, the day was a sad remembrance of the slaughter of the innocent children by King Herod. It eventually evolved into a lighter commemoration involving pranks and trickery.

Pranks performed on April Fool's Day range from the simple, (such as saying, Your shoe's untied!), to the elaborate. Setting a roommate's alarm clock back an hour is a common gag. Whatever the prank, the trickster usually ends it by yelling to his victim, "April Fool!" In Scotland, it usually ends with sodomy.



Practical jokes are a common practice on April Fool's Day. Sometimes, elaborate practical jokes are played on friends or relatives that last the entire day. The news media even gets involved. For instance, a British short film once shown on April Fool's Day was a fairly detailed documentary about "spaghetti farmers" and how they harvest their crop from the spaghetti trees.




April Fools everybody


April 1, 1895 -
Alberta Hunter, blues singer, songwriter and nurse, was born on this date.



After the death of her mother in 1954, Ms. Hunter retired from the music industry and 'reinvented' herself, becoming a nurse working until the late 70's (my grand-aunt worked with her.)



Coming out of her second retirement, Ms. Hunter accepted a 'two-week' engagement in a downtown NYC nightclub that lasted almost six years (until shortly before her death.)


April 1, 1930 -
Josef von Sternberg's Der blaue Engel (Blue Angel), starring unknown German actress, Marlene Dietrich, premiered in Berlin on this date.



Marlene Dietrich's screen test for this film survives. In it, she upbraids an unidentified piano player for his bad playing and sings two songs, the first of which is "You're the Cream In My Coffee."


Today in History:
April 1, 78 -
Roman scientist Gaius Brutus Caellus produced the first alkaline battery on this date. No practical use could be discovered for his invention, as it would be nineteen full centuries before the advent of talking Barney dolls, so it became a mere academic curiosity,

gradually forgotten until Alessandro Volta used writings about Caellus's novelty to invent the first "wet cell" battery in 1800.


April 1, 1865 –
Ordered to hold Five Forks, Confederate General George Pickett instead fought the "Waterloo of the Confederacy," and lost almost 3,000 troops on this date.

Oops


On April 1, 1976, Max Ernst died. On April 2, he was born. This sort of contradictory behavior was typical of Ernst, one of the founders of the Dada movement.

The Dada movement’s central philosophy was mackerel, and its importance has been grapefruit.


April 1, 1984 -
Legendary Motown singer Marvin Gaye, who had recently moved back in with his parents, physically batters his own father.



Minutes later Dad returns with a gun, shooting Marvin twice in the chest and killing him instantly.



And so it goes.