When I have my own talk show

 I want the Byzantones to be the house band,



they could play in the foyer when my guest walk in the door of my apartment.


It's the Feast of San Lorenzo.  St. Lawrence was said to have been martyred on an iron outdoor stove on this date in 258 AD. During his torture, Lawrence cried out "I' m already done on this side and it is time to turn me over."

 He is, of course, the patron saint of comedians and chefs.



Interesting aside: the Perseid Meteor Shower has been known for years as the Tears of Saint Lawrence because they usually occur every year in mid-August, on or near Saint Lawrence's feast day. This year the event peaks the morning of August 12 around 1 a.m.


August 10, 1950 -
Billy Wilder's caustic, black-hearted masterpiece, Sunset Boulevard premiered in New York City, on this date.



The role of Norma Desmond was initially offered to Mae West (who rejected the part because she felt she was too young to play a silent film star), Mary Pickford (rejected it because she was afraid it would destroy her wholesome image), and Pola Negri (who, like Mae West, turned it down) before being accepted by Gloria Swanson.


August 10, 1960 -
The Rat Pack's summer vacation home movie, Ocean's Eleven, premiered on this date.








Most filming was accomplished early in the morning, before sunrise, since most of the actors also had shows in Las Vegas that they performed nightly during the shooting. The actors would wake up in the afternoon, do one or two shows in the evening, then go through make-up and arrive at the shooting locations for principal photography. Each shooting location was fully set up in advance so that minimal time would be wasted once the actors arrived.


August 10, 1962 -
While not the worst film ever made - it is the sickest. The Brain That Wouldn't Die, premiered on this date. (Watch it now.)



The film was shot in 13 days. Original plans were for last reel to be in color, with the doctor's head being cut off. Scenes were filmed with rats menacing the head. 


August 10, 1968 -
The Doors topped the charts with Hello, I Love You on this date. 



It was the first Doors song that was successful in Europe. Jim Morrison wrote the song in 1965 after seeing a beautiful woman walking on the beach.  He thought up the song and wrote it that night.  There is a vague rumor on the internet that the Kinks successfully sued the Doors for copyright infringement over their song All Day and All of the Night.



As far as I can actually tell, while discussions concerning a possible lawsuit occured, nothing came of them.


Today in History:
August 10, 1628 -
The 228-foot Swedish warship Vasa, built by Swedish King Gustavus Adolphus to assist in his war with Poland, capsized and sank in Stockholm harbor on her maiden voyage because the ballast was insufficient to counterweight the 64 guns and ballast. Vasa was the most expensive and richly ornamented warship of its time in Sweden. Twenty-five men and women drowned when the ship sank.



The ship remains submerged until it is raised in 1961 to become a tourist attraction.

If you think I'm going to make a joke about the Polish Navy here, the joke's on you.


August 10, 1921 -
Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio at his summer home on the Canadian island of Campobello, New Brunswick on this date. Mrs. Roosevelt acted as her partially paralyzed husband’s eyes and ears by traveling, observing and reporting her observations to him.



As First Lady, an author and newspaper columnist and, later, a delegate to the United Nations, Eleanor Roosevelt labored tirelessly for the poor and disadvantaged. In the words of historian John Kenneth Galbraith, she showed "more than any other person of her time, that an American could truly be a world citizen."

August 10, 1966 -
Last words of James French, sent to the Electric Chair by the state of Oklahoma: "How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? FRENCH FRIES."

There is nothing quite like a dying man who gives good copy.


August 10, 1969 -
Leno and Rosemary LaBianca are brutally murdered in their Los Feliz, California home by followers of Charles Manson.



They took some of their victims' blood and smeared HELTER SKELTER on the refrigerator door.


August 10, 1977 -
Postal employee and avid dog listener David Berkowitz was arrested in Yonkers, N.Y., accused of being the "Son of Sam" gunman responsible for six random slayings and seven woundings. Berkowitz is serving six consecutive terms of 25 years to life in state prison.

So much for the rantings of the neighbor's dog.


August 10, 1996 -
Heated by the sun, power lines begin to sag in Oregon. Somehow this triggers a series of failures which cascades throughout the Western states. Four million people lose electrical service in Oregon, Washington, California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Montana, and Texas.

It was probably the worst power outage in US history.



And so it goes.

Why, oh why, do they do this all the time

Dear politicians,  please pretend you are a fascist dictator and have all cameras destroyed when you decide to get down with you funky self in a foreign country -

Although Hillary is definitely a party girl.


August 9, 1930 -
A forerunner of the cartoon character Betty Boop made her debut in Max Fleischer's animated short Dizzy Dishes on this date.



In later films she loses the dog ears and becomes the familiar human character we know today.


August 9, 1944 -
Another brilliant war-time effort by Preston Sturges, Hail the Conquering Hero, once again starring Eddie Bracken premiered on this date.






As the marines are leaving the Oakridge station, a billboard behind them is advertising The Miracle of Morgan's Creek, the other war-time film by Preston Sturges.


Today in History:
August 9,  378 (Or what ever the hell the date was on the calendar they were using at the time) -
Valens, the Roman Emperor of the East, led an army of 30,000 men against a horde of Visigoths outside Adrianople, on this date.



The Romans got off to a good start, but soon the Visigoth cavalry returned from its foraging mission. The Roman infantry was no match for the Visigoths on horseback and two-thirds of the Romans, including the Emperor, were slaughtered.

Military strategists were at last compelled to acknowledge that guys on horses were stronger than guys who weren't on horses. This was the most significant development in western warfare since the discovery of the big stick and European warfare was permanently and irreversibly altered in favor of guys on horses.


Construction began on the Tower of Pisa began on this date in 1173.  Unfortunately it was still the Dark Age and without the proper illumination, tower started to lean almost immediately after construction began because of an improperly laid foundation (this was possibly the only thing improperly laid in Italy.)



Construction was delayed almost 200 years because the Pisans were almost constantly working on other projects like inventing Marinara sauce and The Renaissance.


August 9, 1492 -
Rodrigo Borgia allowed the Cardinals of Rome to inspect his genitals (a practice subsequently bequeathed to Bishops). Only after he had proved to the Cardinals' satisfaction that he was, indeed, a man, was Mr Borgia permitted to be Pope Alexander VI.



As the historian Orson Welles observed in The Third Man: "In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love -- they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."



Rodrigo Borgia had earned the papacy the old-fashioned way: through nepotism and bribery. Once he had it, he turned it into a family institution. His two legitimate children, Cesare and Lucrezia, were alternately married off to cement alliances, divorced or widowed to initiate hostilities, or dispatched with poison to conduct diplomacy.

When out of town on business, he left Lucrezia in charge of the Papacy. In gratitude, she bore him a son.






(Many scholars repudiate this charge, insisting that the Pope could not possibly have fathered his own daughter's child. They assign paternity to Lucrezia's brother Cesare.)

By 1503 Alexander VI had expanded Rome's powers considerably and was therefore poisoned. Three years later Cesare died while fighting as a mercenary in Spain. Lucrezia died in 1514 from complications of pregnancy. That was more or less the end of the Borgias, and the Papacy has become less and less interesting with the passing of every year since.


August 9, 1945 -
Just three days after Little Boy was dropped on Hiroshima, a second atomic bomb (a 22 kiloton Atomic Bomb) called Fat Man was dropped to Nagasaki, population 270,000.  Though the amount of energy generated by the bomb was significantly larger than that of the Little Boy, the damage to the city was slighter than that inflicted upon Hiroshima due to the geographic structure of the city.



The blast kills 24,000 immediately, but another 46,000 perish from radiation-related illnesses over the next four months.

Interesting side note that has surfaced. The government secretly paid New York Times Science Reporter William Laurence to cover the story from the government side. Laurence referred to the bomb as, A thing of beauty to behold, this 'gadget'. Laurence was the only journalist that the US gov't permitted to witness the bombing of Nagasaki. He is also credited with coming up with the term "Atomic Age".

Soon after the bombing in Japan, new began to leak out concerning a strange sickness, "Disease X" that was killing the Japanese civilians after the bomb dropped. To counter the growing horror over these accounts, the government invited a group of reporters to visit the government's atomic test site in New Mexico.

On September 9th, Laurence dutifully reported from New Mexico that the U.S. government "gave the most effective answer today to Japanese propaganda that radiations were responsible for deaths even after the day of explosion..."

Laurence went on to receive the Pulitzer Prize in 1946 for his reports on the bombing. Many reporters have sent a  formal request to the Pulitzer committee to strip William L. Laurence and the New York Times of their prize.


August 9, 1969 -
Charles Manson and his band of "children" committed the first in a series of grisly murders high in the Hollywood Hills today. The unfortunate victims, including Sharon Tate were probably not the intended target of this crime.



Rumors have it that Charlie was looking for record producer Terry Melchar (Doris Day's son) who turned him down for a record contract. Melchar was away and rented the house to Tate at the time.


August 9, 1974 -
After President Richard M. Nixon resigns from office, his successor, Gerald Ford, assures the American people that their "long national nightmare is over."



Because they did not drive a wooden stake through his heart, Nixon was left to roam the earth for several more decades.


August 9, 1995 -
Jerry Garcia died of a heart attack at Serenity Knolls near Novato, California, on this date.



He had checked himself into the drug rehab center a few days prior, in hopes of kicking his longstanding heroin habit.



And so it goes.

Are you going to be in Midtown Today -

A very unique giveaway is going to happen - Trojan is giving away 10,000 Tri-Phoria and Pulse sex toys from "Pleasure Carts" that will move around the city,

as part of its continuing attempt to erase the stigma associated with vibrators.



I just don't know what to say (I wonder if there will be a spike in sales of lubricant or batteries.)


August 8, 1953 -
The song Vaya con Dios recorded by Les Paul and his wife Mary Ford reached number one on the Billboard magazine Best Seller Chart and stayed there for 9 weeks.




August 8, 1963 -
John Sturges' adventure film, The Great Escape, starring Steve McQueen, premiered on this date.



The film was shot entirely on location in Europe, with a complete camp resembling Stalag Luft III built near Munich, Germany. Exteriors for the escape sequences were shot in the Rhine Country and areas near the North Sea, and Steve McQueen's motorcycle scenes were filmed in Fussen (on the Austrian border) and the Alps. All interiors were filmed at the Bavaria Studio in Munich.


Today in History:
August 8 1925 -
40,000 robed Klansmen march down Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C. -- a bit less than 1% of total Klan membership (and the Klan membership included about 15% of the nation's eligible voting population.)



Very scary, boys and girls, very scary.


August 8, 1929 -
Taking off from Lakehurst N.J., heading east, the German airship Graf Zeppelin began its 21-day, around-the-world flight.



The flight was partly sponsored by American newspaper publisher William Randolph Hearst, who paid for about half the cost of the flight in return for exclusive media rights in the United States and Britain.


August 8, 1945 -
Wanting to help their allies, USSR declares war against Japan in WW II after confirming the situation in Hiroshima. Soviet troops launched a massive surprise attack (August Storm) against Japanese occupation forces in northern China and Korea. Within days, Tokyo's million-man army in the region had collapsed in one of the greatest military defeats in hist

A large nuclear explosion is a great way to clear one's mind.


August 8, 1960 -
Brian Hyland's song Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini reaches number one on the pop charts.



For most of his adult life, a man named Paul Van Valkenburgh claimed that he wrote this under the name Paul Vance, and that he sold the rights to it when he was young. Even his wife, who he was married to for 40 years, believed him. When Valkenburgh died in 2006, his obituary reported that he wrote the song, and relatives of the real Paul Vance received condolences, only to find out that Vance was very much alive and had the royalty checks to prove that he really did write the song. According to Vance, he has no ill feelings toward Valkenburgh, and claims that the song has made him several million dollars.


August 8, 1963 -
By tampering with railway signals, a 15 man team halts the Glasgow-to-Euston Royal Mail train in Buckinghamshire. The criminals make off with 120 sacks containing £2.6 million in cash. The incident goes down in history as "The Great Train Robbery."




For some bizarre reason, Phil Collins stars in a movie based on one of the men involved in the robbery.


August 8, 1973 -
VP Spiro T Agnew branded as "damned lies" reports he took kickbacks from government contracts in Maryland on this date



He vowed not to resign (Right!)


August 8, 1974 -
Richard M. Nixon resigned the office of the presidency on this date, the first American president in history to do so (actually Millard Fillmore had resigned from office several times but as no one in the country took any notice of him, he had no one to turn his resignation in to, so he remained in office). His policies as president had been rather liberal. He began arms control agreements with the Soviet Union. He eased relations with China. He established the Environmental Protection Agency, expanded Social Security and state welfare programs and tried to create a national health insurance system. He was also a chronic alcoholic, suffered from a raging persecution complex and had overly active sweat glands



He won re-election in 1972 in a landslide, but in that same year a group of men broke into the Democratic Party headquarters at the Watergate Hotel, and in that break-in were the seeds of his downfall.


August 8, 1987 -
Lynne Cox became the first to swim across the icy-cold waters of the Bering Strait from Alaska to the Soviet Union.






Her accomplishment eased Cold War tensions as Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev both praised her success.


August 8, 1988 -
Believe it or not, NYC hits a record high of 88 on 8/8/88.





And so it goes.


Before I let you go - As you probably know Marvin Hamlisch died yesterday and I've seen this clip posted on a couple of sites.  It's a nice way to remember him:

Ahhh, Mad Men

I saw this commercial the other day and realized the equation: awkward psycho-sexual moment = product gold.



Next up: boy's first homoerotic nocturnal emission = superb strength of laundry detergent.


Happy Sea Serpent Day (especially to all you sea sick ones.)

The Smithsonian Institution recognizes today as Sea Serpent Day. I, for one, will break out the hats and hooters to celebrate.



Let us remember that in 1752, Erik Pontoppidan, the Bishop of Bergen, wrote a published report of seeing the Kraken, a horned creature so large that when it surfaced, most of its body remained underwater.







(We should always celebrate Cecil the seasick sea serpent)

Get out there and go to the beach and celebrate Sea Serpent Day!


August 7, 1971 -
The Bee Gees early hit How Can You Mend a Broken Heart? topped the charts on this date. It became their first US #1 hit.



Despite the affected tale of heartache, this song was very easy to write, as Robin Gibb claims they wrote it in about an hour and without struggle or hardship. This was written on the same afternoon as another Bee Gee hit, Lonely Days in Barry Gibb's basement apartment in London.



August 7, 1948 -
... Five dollars for the best duck? You mean I came all the way from Dubuque for a measly five bucks? Five thousand dollars for the best rooster? Why, they can't do this to me! It's uncostitutional! It's... it's... Brother, could I use five thousand smackereenees. Hey, there must be a way. There must be.



Chuck Jones guided Daffy Duck's personality change from a "screwball" character, to a greedy, self-centered one in You Were Never Duckier which premiered on this date.


August 7, 1953 -
The best musical of the Golden Age of Hollywood Musicals (unless you consider Singing in the Rain the best), The Band Wagon, premiered on this date.





The characters reflect real life. Fred Astaire was indeed considering retirement as his career was at a standstill, just like his character in the movie. The characters played by Nanette Fabray and Oscar Levant are based on the film's screenwriters, Betty Comden and Adolph Green. Jack Buchanan's character is based on José Ferrer, who at the time was producing four Broadway shows and starring in a fifth.


August 7, 1963 -
American International released the first "beach-blanket" film, Beach Party, on this date.





The film was intended as a low-budget imitation of Elvis Presley's musical movies, with added teen appeal, but the series took on a life of its own. There were 11 (or 12) films in the series, although characters names sometimes changed and not all were beach-based.


Today in History:
August 7, 1782 -
... the road to glory in a patriot army and a free country is is thus open to all.

General George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart, a decoration to recognize merit in enlisted men and non commissioned officers.

Washington authorized the award of the Purple Heart for soldiers wounded in combat.


August 7, 1876 -
The German spy Mata Hari, a Dutchwoman named Margaretha Geertruida Zelle, was born on this day. She was executed by the French on October 14, 1917. (I seem to bring her up a lot.)



There was not much actual evidence of espionage, but she had been seen naked with German officers and the French found this distasteful enough to kill her.


August 7, 1882 -
Ellison Hatfield was stabbed 26 times and shot in the back by Tolbert McCoy and two of his brothers. Two days later, the Hatfield clan captures the three McCoys and executes them by firing squad.



Thus begins generations of bloodshed between the families, ultimately causing about 100 casualties.


Louis Leakey was also born on this day, in 1903. Mr Leakey was a prominent British archeologist who discovered that either mankind was much older than had previously been supposed or that mankind had not actually been mankind but some other kind instead.

The archeological world was convulsed for decades by arguments over what to name this strange new species and the struggle drove Mr Leakey to become a spy for the British government and cheat on his wife (though seldom simultaneously).


August 7, 1953 -
If only Nixon had given Eisenhower that rum toddy today and tucked him in for his afternoon nap, the 2004 election might have been different.

President Eisenhower signs legislation retroactively granting Ohio official statehood for the previous 150 years. In 1803, apparently everyone just assumed that Ohio was a state, even though Congress had never passed legislation to that effect. The nation remained blissfully unaware of this fact until nosy historians began snooping around in preparation for Ohio's sesquicentennial.


August 7, 1957 -
It was 1954 and the world's most beloved comedy duo were getting ready for a comeback.  Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy were enjoying a resurgence of popularity in the U.S. thanks to constant showings of their old movies on television. The duo were on the verge of starring in a series of TV comedy specials when Stan Laurel suffered a stroke in April of 1955.  While recuperating, Oliver Hardy suffered a massive heart attack. Doctors ordered Hardy bed rest and a diet regime. Hardy lost an amazing 150 lbs and Laurel completely recovered from his stroke.



Unfortunately, on September 12, 1956, Oliver Hardy suffered a debilating stroke. while he survived, he was left completely disabled. His wife cared for him constantly (at home) while Laurel visited often. Oliver Hardy succumbed to his stroke on this date. Upon hearing the news of his death, Stan Laurel said, "What’s there to say? It’s shocking of course. Ollie was like a brother."


August 7, 1959 -
Explorer 6 transmits first TV photo of Earth from space on this date.



The satellite, popularly known as the 'paddlewheel satellite,' featured a photocell scanner that transmitted a crude picture of the earth's surface and cloud cover from a distance of 17,000 miles .


August 7, 1960 -
Film and television actor David Duchovny (sex addict and another member of the Milton Berle club) was born in New York City on this date. Two of his most popular TV roles include Special Agent Fox Mulder from The X-Files and troubled writer Hank Moody on Showtime's Californication.



Remember, the truth is out there. But then again, What is truth, what is beauty and remember hemlock is poison. (Duchovny has a new movie coming out this weekend - looks good)


August 7, 1974 -
Philippe Petit, the French high wire artist, walked between the Twin Towers in New York City on this date.



Yes kids - The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.



And so it goes.

Is the glass half full or empty?

It's the half way point of summer today.



Have you had a good one so far?


Kudos for the folks at NASA; Curiosity has landed safely on the Martian surface.



So right now, WE are the aliens in the universe.


August 6, 1911 -
I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

Lucille Ball, film and television executive, actress and comedian, was born on this date.



For many years during their marriage, Lucy and Desi Arnaz hid the fact that she was six years older than he by splitting the difference in their ages. She (born in 1911) said she was born in 1914 and he (born in 1917) also said he was born in 1914.


August 6, 1982 -
Alan Parker's rock-musical interpretation of the classical album, Pink Floyd The Wall, premiered in NYC on this date. (Kids, turn out the lights, send the adults out to eat and spark 'em up; it's the whole movie.)



In his autobiography "Is That It?", Bob Geldof tells the story of how he was first told about the project by his agent while riding in a taxi, and how he didn't want to do it because he didn't like the music of Pink Floyd. Roger Waters knows this story, not because he read it in Geldof's book, but because the taxi driver was actually Roger Waters' brother.


Today in History:
August 6 is noted historically as the official end of the Holy Roman Empire, which collapsed on that date in 1806 as Emperor Francis II abdicated.

As always, please note, the Holy Roman Empire was not holy, roman or an empire (per se).

Discuss amongst yourselves.


August 6, 1890 –
At Auburn Prison in New York murderer William Kemmler becomes the first person to be executed by electric chair.

The first shock of electricity did not kill Kemmler, and a second shock was required. The second jolt lasted until the smell of burning flesh filled the room, about four minutes. As soon as his charred body stopped smoldering, Kemmler was pronounced dead.

It was not a pretty sight.


August 6, 1926 -
Gertrude Ederle becomes first woman to swim English Channel. Before setting out from Cap Griz-Nez, France, at 7:09 a.m., Ederle coated her body with layers of lard and petroleum jelly to insulate her from the cold waters.



Only five men had been able to swim the English Channel before Ederle. The best time had been 16 hours, 33 minutes by an Italian-born Argentine, Enrique Tiraboschi. Ederle walked up the beach at Dover, England after 14 hours and 39 minutes. The first person to greet her was a British immigration officer who requested a passport from "the bleary-eyed, waterlogged teenager."

That man's name has been lost in the miasma of history but truly he is the spiritual grandfather of the TSA.


August 6, 1926 -
One of John Barrymore's classic silent movies, Don Juan, co-starring a young Mary Astor, opened in NYC on this date.



Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in New York with the premier of this film. (The film was the first feature-length film with synchronized Vitaphone sound effects and musical soundtrack, though it has no spoken dialogue.)  The tickets went for the astronomical price of $10 a head.


August 6, 1938 -
An early pairing of this comedy duo, Porky and Daffy, was released on this date.



... In this corner, at 203 and one-third pounds, the most magnificent marvelous multiple monstrous mad mauling mass of meaty muscles ever to master, modify, mat, make mince-meat, and mangle many menacing monsters from Manitoba to Minneapolis!


August 6, 1945 -
The first atomic bomb used in combat was dropped on Hiroshima by the Enola Gay, piloted by Col. Paul Tibbets, on this date.



President Truman ordered the use of the first nuclear bomb, which the military referred to as "Little Boy." Harry had been vice president for only 82 days when President Roosevelt died on April 12, 1945 and didn't even know of the existence of the 9,600 pound bomb until he was told about it upon his assumption of the presidency.



In minutes the massive blast and the firestorm it produced destroyed the majority of the city and killed 66,000 people instantly and a total of as many as 166,000 died over a period of months from the nuclear fallout (a third of Hiroshima's population.)



August 6, 1991 -
On December 25, 1990, Tim Berners-Lee (not Al Gore,) successfully connected an http client with an Internet server, thus inventing the World Wide Web.

 

Less than a year later, on this day, the World Wide Web became publicly available.  (Yes, this is the reason, this guy was in the opening ceremonies for the Olympics.)


A quick PSA from your friends at ACME - avoid mosquitoes, they're not good!



And so it goes.


Before I let you go, I found this clip of outtakes of the TV show, You Bet Your Life (deemed too racy to air, by TV censors, at the time) on the Boingboing website



I've said it before - Groucho was one of God's greatest achievements.

Checking the calendar:
There are 141 days until Christmas
There are 137 days until Mayan end times

You go girl

Serena Williams won the Olympic Gold in tennis singles yesterday and enjoyed herself.



Apparently, no one f*cks with Serena


August 5, 1922 -
The silent-film classic, Blood and Sand, starring Rudolph Valentino and Lila Lee, was released on this date.



According to author James Kirkwood, Jr., whose mother Lila Lee played Carmen in Blood and Sand, Rudolph Valentino liked to eat traditional Italian foods, heavily spiced with garlic. Therefore Lee asked that her love scenes with Valentino be shot in the morning so she wouldn't have to deal with his garlic breath after lunch.


August 5, 1953 -
Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr got busy in the surf and someone may have gotten a horse head telegram delivered to their bedroom - From Here to Eternity premiered in NYC on this date.



The scene in which Maggio meets Prew and Lorene in the bar after he walks off guard duty, was actually Frank Sinatra's screen test for the part of Maggio. To impress director Fred Zinnemann, he did an ad-lib using olives as dice and pretending to shoot craps. The entire sequence was kept as is and used in the picture.


On August 4, 1955, Carmen Miranda suffered a heart attack during a segment of the live TV show The Jimmy Durante Show, although she did not realize it. After completing a dance number, she fell to her knees, and Durante instinctively told the band to "stop da music!".



He helped Miranda up to her feet as she laughed "I'm all out of breath!". "Dat's OK, honey, I'll take yer lines", Durante replied. Miranda laughed again and quickly pulled herself together, finishing the show. At the end of the broadcast, she smiled and waved, then exited the stage. She died later that night, on August 5, 1955, after suffering a second heart attack at her home in Beverly Hills.

As with all great performers - the show had to go on.


August 5, 1953 -
Alfred Hitchcock's surprisingly light comedic touch is on full display in, To Catch A Thief, starring Cary Grant and Grace Kelly, opened in NYC on this date.



Cary Grant had announced his retirement from acting in February 1953 (so he could devote himself fully to the orgies he got carried away in), stating that since the rise of Method actors like Marlon Brando, most people were no longer interested in seeing him. He was also angry at the way Charles Chaplin had been treated by the HUAAC. He was lured out of his retirement to make this film, and thereafter continued acting for a further 11 years.


August 5, 1966 -
This was a big day in Beatles history:
The Beatles released their Revolver album in UK on this date.



and they also released Yellow Submarine and Eleanor Rigby as a double A single in UK.





A lot of kids weekly allowance must have flown out the door on this date.


Today in History:
August 5, 1861 -
Tea baggers, please note: The US government established the first income tax on US citizens on this date (Abraham Lincoln was president at the time.)  The Revenue Act of 1861 established a tax of 3 percent on incomes of more than $800 US Dollars.

The tax, which was used for financial aid during the Civil War, was rescinded in 1872.


August 5, 1884 –
The cornerstone for the Statue of Liberty was laid on Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor.

Children and horses were kept indoors on that day for fear of offending their delicate nature.


August 5, 1926 -
Harry Houdini stayed in a coffin, submerged in the swimming pool of New York's Hotel Shelton for one hour and a half, on this date.

Note: He currently has exceeded his own record substantially.


August 5, 1957 –
American Bandstand, a local Philadelphia show dedicated to the teenage "baby-boomers" by playing the songs and showing popular dances of the time, hosted by Dick Clark,debuted nationally on the ABC television network on this date.



Please be careful, I actually believe Mr. Clark is setting himself up to be the lead zombie in the the upcoming apocalypse (he doesn't realize that he's dead.)



August 5, 1962 -
50 years ago today, a very unhappy Marilyn Monroe (Norma J. Mortenson) died of natural causes, aggravated by sleeping pills, in her Brentwood home.



Unless she was murdered.



Before I let you go - here's a video of two middle aged men in a sports car



I guess there could be a worse way of wasting 11 minutes.


And so it goes.

This may surprise you.

The Wall Street Journal has a sense of humor



I believe this could really catch on.


(I forgot to post this the other day) The first Saturday in August is National Mustard Day (in my home it is National Moutarde Day, we leave the 's' off for savings,) So please have some mustard today.



Don't put all those people out of work.


St. Sithney is the patron saint of mad dogs.

Make of this what you wish.



A Breton folk story, states that God asked Sithney to be the patron saint of girls seeking husbands, but Sithney said he would rather be the patron saint of mad dogs and get some rest.


Barack Obama is 51 old today. Dear Mr. President, even if it was in haste, I'm glad your parents had unprotected sex around nine months prior to your birth date (where ever you were born.).



Hopefully, you'll get a good half hour pick-up game with the Secret Service this weekend, Mr. President - you deserve it.


August 4, 1930 -
Michael Cullen was a grocer's grocer. He started working for The Great Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company (A & P) at 18 and worked there for 17 years. He then went to work for Kroger Stores for 11 years but he had a dream.

Cullen leased a vacant garage at the corner of 171st Street and Jamaica Avenue in Queens, just a few blocks from a busy shopping district. On August 4, 1930, King Kullen Grocery Company opened the doors to the world's first supermarket.



I wonder if they're celebrating Founder's Day at the store?


August 4, 1901 -
Louis Armstrong (medicinal marijuana and laxative enthusist) always stated that his birthday was on the Fourth of July, a date that has been noted in many biographies.







During the 1980's, Louis Armstrong's baptismal certificate was discovered in the Sacred Heart of Jesus Church in New Orleans, showing his actual birth date was August 4th, 1901.


Today in History:
August 4, 1693 -
Oh, great day in the morning (this day should be a great religious and national holiday), Blind Benedictine Dom Perignon invents champagne on this date.



He has been quoted as saying, "Come quickly, brothers, I'm drinking stars!" upon tasting his accidental brew.


August 4, 1792 -



Percy Bysshe Shelley, one of England's greatest Romantic poets was born on this date. He died in a tragic boating accident (along with two others) before the age of 30, but he gave us many masterpieces, including Ozymandias, Music, When Soft Voices Die and Ode To The West Wind.

The fish eaten bodies were washed ashore at Viareggio, where, in the presence of his friend Lord Byron, he was burned on the beach - his heart was given to his wife, Mary Shelley, who carried it with her in a silken shroud everywhere she went for the rest of her life.

All I can say is that I'm glad it was just his heart.



August 4, 1892 -
Someone took an axe and killed Lizzie Borden's millionaire parents; Andrew receives 10 whacks and Abby 14.  Based on strong circumstantial evidence, Sunday school teacher Lizzie is later tried for the murders.



She was acquitted of the murders by an all-male jury.


August 4, 1954 -
Douglas Sirk's first Technicolor gift for film goers, Magnificent Obsession, was released on this date.







Forget the silly plot, this film was Rock Hudson's breakthrough film (the first of eight studio pictures he would make with Sirk) and Sirk began to realize his masterful visual language skills


August 4, 1964 -
Vietcong torpedo boats launch an unprovoked attack against the U.S.S. Maddox, while the destroyer is patrolling the Gulf of Tonkin. The only problem is - it may all have been a hoax.



Regardless, the Congress responds by passing the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution, authorizing President Johnson "to take all necessary measures to repel any armed attack against the forces of the United States and to prevent further aggression."



And so it goes.

Once again, Youth wants to know

According to the Herald Sun, former US swimmer Carly Geehr said nearly 100 percent of elite competitive swimmers urinate in an inappropriate location during their meets. Regularly. Some deny it, some proudly embrace it, but everyone does.



So besides smoking dope, Michael Phelps pees in the pool.  Michael is always welcome to hang with us during the summer.


August 3, 1926 -
I have a simple life. I mean, you just give me a drum roll, they announce my name, and I come out and sing. In my job I have a contract that says I'm a singer. So I sing.

Anthony Dominick Benedetto (86 this year), last of the great saloon singers was born on this date.







Tony Bennett still is on the road, performing over 175 gigs a year.


August 3, 1929 -
Four famous vaudevillian performers took a chance on the new medium of 'talking pictures' with the general release, of the film, The Cocoanuts, starring the Four Marx Brothers -- Chico, Groucho, Harpo and Zeppo, on this date,.



According to legend, the Marxes were so appalled by this film version of their hit Broadway show that they offered to buy the negative from Paramount so that they could burn it. Luckily, Paramount didn't take the brothers offer and the film grosses $2 million dollars during it's initial release.


August 3, 1941 -
Martha Kostyra, business magnate, television host, author, magazine publisher and ex-con was born on this date.



Remember folks, please don't piss off Martha - she's a woman of a certain age, who can create a magnificent floral arrangements, hold her hard liquor and kill you with a home made prison shank.


August 3, 1963 -
Allan Sherman released Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp), in the US on this date.



Sherman was a writer on The Steve Allen Show and created the game show I've Got a Secret. He went on to record comedy albums. The song won a 1964 Grammy Award for comedy.


And somehow in the same universe, The Beach Boys’ Surfer Girl was released on this date as well.



Ah, sweet mysteries of life. (The B-side of the single was Little Deuce Coupe.)


Today in History:
August 3, 1492 -
Christopher Columbus famously set out to cross the ocean blue in a fleet of three ships: the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula.



File this under: more lies my teacher told me.


August 3, 1943 -
Gen Patton bitch slapped shell-shocked private Charles Kuhl, in the hospital accusing him of cowardice, on this date.



The incident nearly ended Patton's career; he was ordered by Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower to apologize for this and a second, similar episode. It seemed to help Francis Ford Coppola's career.


On August 3, 1958, the U.S. nuclear submarine Nautilus accomplishes the first undersea voyage to the geographic North Pole.



The world's first nuclear submarine, the Nautilus dived at Point Barrow, Alaska, and traveled nearly 1,000 miles under the Arctic ice cap to reach the top of the world.


August 3, 1963 -
Almost a year after the world barely averted World War III during the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Hotline between the Pentagon and the Kremlin goes live.

The system consists of two teletype machines, with a full-time communications link routed through London, Copenhagen, Stockholm, and Helsinki.


August 3, 1966 -
Comedian and social critic Lenny Bruce died of a morphine overdose in his Hollywood Hills home on this date, two years after his original obituary was published in The Realist.



At the time of his death, Bruce was being maliciously harassed by police and districts attorney in various states for his groundbreaking standup performances, causing great difficulty in finding venues at which to perform. After his death, he became a cult hero, many other comics, like George Carlin and Richard Pryor, considering him a martyr to the cause of free speech.


August 3, 1996 -
August 3, 1996 -
The Macarena by Los Del Rio appeared as #1 on the pop charts on this date. (For god sakes, please don't listen.  Save yourself from the ensuing madness.)




This song stayed in the US Top 100 for 60 weeks, the one-time record for the longest run on the singles chart.



And so it goes.

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

Eugene Luther Vidal, last of the great writer of his generation and political commentator died at age 86,

of complications from pneumonia yesterday


Colonel Sanders is back from the dead with a new message. Who knew ... KFC loves the gays



KFC ... They have those Bowls (It works for me)


It's National Ice Cream Sandwich Day today, a day to enjoy an ice cream sandwich

The perfect dessert to have after your KFC


August 2, 1965 -
Michael Caine's first outing as the anti Bond spy, Harry Palmer in The Ipcress File, premiered in the US on this date.



Christopher Plummer was originally considered for the lead role, but dropped out to star in The Sound of Music. The role was then offered to Richard Harris who also refused it. Harris later rued his decision, commenting to Sean Connery that he "turned down The Ipcress File but did Caprice with Doris Day."


August 2, 1967-
The crime drama In the Heat of the Night, starring Sidney Poitier and Rod Steiger, opened in New York on this date.



Set in a hot Mississippi summer but filmed during autumn in Illinois, many of the actors had to keep ice chips in their mouths (and spit them out before takes) to prevent their breath from appearing on camera during the night scenes.


Today in History:
August 2, 1100 -
Act of God - You may often wonder when this phrase came into being. You've all seen it long enough and you may unfortunately experienced it when you went to collect on you home insurance policy. As with most things, the English can pinpoint the first popular usage of the phrase.

William II (William Rufus), the second surviving son of William I the Conqueror, was King of England from 1087 until 1100, with powers also over Normandy, and influence in Scotland. He was not well liked for his unusual practice of buggering unwilling men every morning of his reign.



William started out as King of England on September 26, 1087 and liked to start his day with a vigorous bout of forced sodomy. While he enjoyed sodomy with many of his 'special friends', he really enjoyed a good round of sodomy with some new, mostly unwilling courtier every morning.

And why not - It's good to be the king.

It was drawing upon the 1000th new morning wake up call and William wanted to go on his usual after sodomizing the new guy hunt. So off the royal entourage went and before you knew it, they all raced home, including William's brother, Henry (soon to be Henry I) and William II lay (or lie, I'm never really quite sure) dead with an arrow shot through his lung, on this date.



Henry, after hurriedly crowning himself the First, called for an inquest into how his brother happened to find himself with an arrow through the lung. Not that Henry was that interested in the answer (literally, no one would pick up William's corpse. A peasant had to bring it round to the back of the Winchester Cathedral on a dung cart - I kid you not.) A Royal commission was held and decided that it was a just end - an 'Act of God' played out on a wicked king.

So there you go - blame the fact you can't get a payment from your insurance company on an English monarch with a penchant for vigorous sodomy.


August 2, 1876 -
Drinking at a saloon in Deadwood, Dakota Territory, Jack McCall notices Wild Bill Hickok playing poker at a corner table. Then he calmly walks over to the table and blows a wide hole in the back of Hickok's head with a .45 revolver. The professional gambler and onetime lawman was holding a pair of Aces and a pair of eights, now known as the "Dead Man's Hand."



So kids, please remember to split those aces and eights when you are dealt them.


August 2, 1923 -
President Warren G. Harding died suddenly at the Palace Hotel in San Francisco on this date. His wife Florence forbids an autopsy, and the President's body is embalmed shortly after death. It is speculated by many that the cause of death, initially reported as "a stroke of apoplexy," was in fact poison administered by the First Lady. Mrs. Harding was rather annoyed that her husband was taking dictation from his secretary in the broom closet.

You have to love this asshole - he actually lost the White House china in a poker game. And despite the fact that Prohibition made it illegal, Harding served his friends alcohol.



Harding had the largest feet of any U.S. President. He wore size 14 shoes. I'll just leave you all with that.

Make of it what you will.


August 2, 1943 -
A Navy patrol torpedo boat, PT-109, commanded by Lt. John F. Kennedy, sank after being sheared in two by the Amagiri, a Japanese destroyer, off the Solomon Islands. Lt. John F. Kennedy, towing an injured sailor, swam to a small island in the Solomon Islands. Two members of the crew were killed in the collision.



An injured Kennedy and the ship's other survivors clung to the wreckage and swam to a nearby island, where Aaron Kumana and Biuku Gasa found them. The pair rowed 35 miles through enemy-held waters to summon a rescue boat.


August 2, 1990 -
After Kuwait refuses to waive Iraq's war debts, 100,000 Iraqi soldiers stream across the border and seize control of Kuwait City. Their troops outnumbered 5-to-1, the Kuwaitis mount no resistance whatsoever. In so doing, Saddam Hussein precipitates the first Gulf War.



So this is the reason we are in this mess.



And so it goes.

Sextillus - The Sixth Month

It's August again, which means it's Children's Eye Health and Safety Month. It's also National Peach Month; Admit You're Happy Month; National Psoriasis Awareness Month; International Left-handed Month; National Goat Cheese Month and Get Ready for Kindergarten Month.

How did a single month become so important? Like almost everything else that's difficult to understand, the history of August begins in Ancient Rome.

The Roman calendar was a hot mess. Not just because there were VII days in a week and XXVIII days in a month, but also because the calendar was being managed by a high priest. In 46 BC, for example, autumn began in January. This irritated Julius Caesar, who demanded that the calendar be reformed to make sense - and that the priests assigned to manage it stop getting high.

Caesar's new calendar went into effect on January 1, 45 BC. The fifth month of the year, Quintilis, which had actually been the seventh month of the year, was renamed July - short for Julius - in honor of his work on the calendar. (Calendar professionals still refer to July as the "Caesarian section.")

Years later, after Caesar's grand-nephew defeated Mark Anthony and Cleopatra and became emperor of Rome, the Senate decided to name a month after him. They chose the month of Sextillus, the sixth month (and therefore eighth), and renamed it Gaius Octavianus. Fortunately the Emperor renamed himself Augustus before any calendars had been printed.

The Emperor was not entirely pleased. His month had only 30 days, whereas his grand-uncle's had 31. The Senate immediately added another day to August, removing it from February in the hope of losing one day of winter to gain one of summer.





August 1, 1952 -
Jo Stafford, pop star singer during the 1940s and 1950s, entered the Billboard charts with the song You Belong To Me on this date.



In the '30s, she performed with her sisters as The Stafford Sisters and later sang with Tommy Dorsey. She was one of the first artists to record parody versions of hit songs, and was known for her work with the USO where she entertained the troops. She died on July 16, 2008 at age 90.


August 1, 1971 -
George Harrison presented his two Concerts For Bangladesh at Madison Square Garden in New York City, on this date.



Among the featured artists were Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, Ringo Starr and Leon Russell. The concert raised $243,418.51 for Bangladesh relief, which was administered by UNICEF. Sales of the album and DVD continue to benefit the George Harrison Fund for UNICEF.


August 1, 1973 -
Universal premiered George Lucas ode to early 1960s, American Graffiti, starring Richard Dreyfuss, Ron Howard, Paul Le Mat, Harrison Ford, Charles Martin Smith, Cindy Williams, Candy Clark and Mackenzie Phillips, on this date.



Two cameras were used simultaneously in scenes involving conversations between actors in different cars. This resulted in significant production time savings. The entire film was shot in 29 days, mostly at night.


Today in History:
August 1, 30 BC -
Marc Antony, (not the not so handsome ex-husband of J-Lo but) lover of the Egyptian queen Cleopatra VII and claimant to the Roman throne, was the most interesting man of his age (think the Dos X man and the Old Spice guy - Isaiah Mustafa and not Fabio.) Marc Antony came from a very well to do family but ran with the very fast crowd of Rome. By the time he was 20, Antony had to flee Rome (for Greece) to escape his creditors (he had run up $5 million in debt) and the scandal involving a long-term homosexual relationship with the son of the Consul of Rome.

Marc Antony joined the army and joined the staff of his distant relative Julius Caesar. His fortunes, literally changed and Antony expected to be named the heir to Rome after the assassination of Julius Caesar, but had not counted on Caesar naming his adopted son and grand-nephew Octavian as his successor.



Shaken by his loss at Actium, abandoned by his allies and faced with certain defeat at the hands of his rival Octavian, Mark Antony committed suicide by falling upon his own sword on this date. Cleopatra followed him in death shortly afterward when she allowed herself to be bitten by a venomous asp. An interesting fact you can drop at the next cocktail party you attend, through his youngest daughters, Mark Antony became the ancestor of most of the Emperors of the Julio-Claudian dynasty, Octavian's (Augustus') family.



August 1, 1589 -
King Henri III of France was assassinated by a crazy Jacobin monk, Jacques Clement, who plunged a knife into the lower part of his body, on this date.

Among his crimes are opposing the Catholic League, and his love of...vigorous sodomy (or so it is rumored.)


August 1, 1769 -
Spain sent an exploratory expedition from San Diego to Monterey to survey the area and identify places worth sending more people to become Catholic. The expedition was led by Gaspar de Portola, nephew of the celebrated Spanish comedian Uncle Porky, and included a number of religious missionaries assigned to imposing afternoon naps upon the heathens.

Camping on some fertile ground beside a river on August 2, Father Juan Crespi suggested they name the river El Rio de Padre Juan Crespi. As the laughter subsided, he suggested El Rio de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula, "The River of Our Lady the Queen of the Angels of Uncle Porky." It was agreed, and the merry band continued on their way.



Twelve years later Mexico's Spanish Governor, Felipe de Neve, began dispatching settlers to establish pueblos in the name of the Spanish King. These settlers were called "Los Pobladores" on account of their penchant for Poblas. One such group, led by Captain Rivera y Moncada, settled in the area by the previously mentioned river. They named their new community "Our Pueblo by the River of Our Lady of the Angels of Uncle Porky."

The settlement grew, and came to be known as "The City by the Pueblo by the River of Our Lady of the Angels of Uncle Porky."

In 1822, Mexico took California from Spain. In 1846, following two years of hostilities, the United States took it from Mexico. Many Americans were injured attempting to pronounce the name of El Ciudad del Pueblo del Rio de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula, which they therefore renamed Los Angeles in 1850.

California was admitted to the Union later that year.



Los Angeles retained that name until the middle of the last century, when even that became too difficult for most American tongues, at which point it finally became L.A.


In Wiltshire, England, on August 1, 1774 Joseph Priestley focused sunlight through a lens in order to heat a sample of mercuric oxide (red calx). The resulting gas supported the burning of a candle with a vigorous flame, was essentially insoluble in water, and accommodated a mouse under glass for some time. And that's how oxygen was born.



Priestley called his new gas "dephlogisticated air.” His discovery came at a very good time, people were getting very tired from holding their breathe all these years.


August 1, 1793 -
The kilogram first appeared in France. Developed by priests and scientists, the kilogram flourished as soon as it was released into the wild and can now be found thriving throughout the world.

The kilogram can be found in parts of the United States, but has encountered too many indigineous predators to establish dominance.


August 1, 1931 -
F.W. Murnau's last film (he died in a car accident a few days after starting work on the music for the film), Tabu, was released on this date.



Originally conceived as a co-venture with documentarian Robert J. Flaherty. As work on the project progressed, it became increasingly clear to Flaherty that F.W. Murnau did not adapt well to co-directing and that he was being squeezed off the film. A factor helping Murnau in this was that he was one of the chief financiers.


August 1, 1936 -
Adolf Hitler presides over the opening ceremony of the Olympics. The Chancellor of Germany announces: "I proclaim the games of Berlin, celebrating the eleventh Olympiad of the modern era, to be open."



The whole thing makes for a great film by Leni Riefenstahl and the torch relay was introduced by Joseph Geobbel’s Propaganda Ministry.




August 1, 1944 -
I keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would like to be, and what I could be, if...there weren't any other people living in the world

Anne Frank penned her last entry into her diary on this date.

Three days later, Anne and her family were arrested and sent to Nazi concentration camps. Anne died at Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in 1945 at age 15.


August 1, 1971 -
The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour debuts on CBS television as a summer replacement show.



And I'm not going to say this caused Chaz Bono's gender confusion.


August 1, 1981 -
MTV launched 31 years ago today, starting with the video, Video Killed the Radio Star by The Buggles followed by Pat Benatar's You Better Run. Western civilization has been on a rapid decline ever since.



Who the hell care what MTV plays anymore - I took my money out of that 401(k) death trap.




And so it goes.