Read the ramblings of Dr. Caligari. Hopefully you will find that Time does wound all heels.
You no longer need to be sad that nowadays there is so little useless information.
One of my kids MP3 players crapped out and I spent over 4 hours trying to reload her music. This song stuck in my mind -
We need a new Chris Isaak CD
Half the Beatles are better than none
Enjoy it kids, that probably all we're going to get in this life.
Today in History: On the Fourth of July in 1850, President Zachary Taylor snacked on cherries and milk while attending a ceremony at the Washington Monument. It was a hot day, and the heat made him sick.
He got sicker and sicker and died on July 9.
He remains the only U.S. president to have died from indigestion (with the posible exception of Warren G Harding, who may or may not have been poisoned by his wife - which could be considered death by extreme indigestion - but that's another story.)
His last words were, "I regret nothing, but I am sorry to leave my friends."
I find it hard to believe he didn't regret eating the cherries-and-milk that caused his fatal indigestion, but I'm not going to quibble with a man's dying words.
July 9, 1956 - America's favorite actor, Thomas Jeffrey Hanks was born on this date.
July 9, 1964 - Courtney Michelle Love rock musician and actress, was born on this date.
Once again, let's hope she makes it to her next one.
July 9, 1982 - Michael Fagan, dressed in jeans and a dirty t-shirt, and bleeding from a fresh cut on his hand, walks into the private bedroom of Queen Elizabeth II while she is asleep and her personal guard out walking her dogs. Fagan had scaled the wall surrounding Buckingham Palace and gained entry without triggering any alarms. The two carry on a 12-minute conversation, while the intruder holds a jagged broken ashtray, before somebody finally apprehends him.
Who knew that Queen could carry on a 12 minute conversation with one of her subjects?
I'll be starting the weekend-long celebration of my officially becoming old. Hopefully nothing important happens except I overeat Cannoli cake.
... Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor! ...
July 8, 1932 - W.C. Fields very funny political satire, Million Dollar Legs, opened on this date.
The release of this film in July of 1932 was timed to coincide with the Los Angeles Olympics, which began three weeks later.
July 8, 1964 - Probably Jerry Lewis' best directorial effort, The Patsy, premiered on this date.
The is that last film project for Peter Lorre.
July 8, 1958 - The center of the Hollywood Universe was born today in 1958.
Remember even you are only a few degrees away from Kevin Bacon.
Today in History: July 8, 1115 - Peter the Hermit died on this date. Peter is notable for his invention of The Crusades and never bathing. He whipped up support for the first Crusade as an attempt to dislodge the Seljuk Turks from Jerusalem: over three hundred thousand Christians perished in less than a year, during which they destroyed hundreds of villages throughout Europe and Asia Minor and killed tens of thousands of European Jews and fellow Christians on their way to a holy land they never reached.
As a result of this astonishing success, the Crusades were serialized and ran for several centuries.
July 8, 1800 - The first smallpox vaccine was administered on this date in the US. Dr. Benjamin Waterhouse (no relation to Price) of Massachusetts introduced Edward Jenner's method of vaccination of cowpox serum to his five-year-old son Daniel and a household servant.
Neither ever contracted smallpox and the vaccination was determined to have been an udder success.
July 8, 1856 - The crank-operated machine gun was patented on this date by C.E. Barnes of Lowell, Massachusetts, and the revolving gun turret was invented exactly six years later by Theodore Timby. Both inventions enabled mankind to kill itself off with unprecedented ease and efficiency, thereby launching the modern era.
July 8th was a Sunday in 1881, so when a hot young man entered Edward Berner's drugstore in Two Rivers, Wisconsin, and ordered an ice-cream soda, his request was denied. Ice-cream sodas could not be served on the Sabbath owing to the ancient Mosaic injunction against them.
The hot young man pleaded his case so eloquently, however, that Berner felt sympathetic and came up with a compromise: he plopped a scoop of ice-cream into a dish and poured the chocolate-flavored syrup directly over it.
This religious dodge quickly became popular and came to be known as the Ice Cream Sundae. (The spelling was later changed to conceal the heretical origins of the dish.) Since that glorious day, hundreds of millions of Americans have consigned themselves to Hell.
July 8, 1932 - Tod Browning's groundbreaking horror movie Freaks, featuring genuine carnival sideshow performers, premieres at the Rialto theater in New York. The film opens to critical outrage, and is later banned by the British government for 30 years.
Gooba, Gaba, Gooba Gaba, One of us, One of us ...
July 8, 1969 - The U.S. Patent Office issued a patent for the game Twister. (Yes smartpants, the game came out in 1966 but the patent wasn't issued until this date.)
Remember kids, if you are going to play nude Twister - always use protection.
July 8, 1976 - Former President Richard M. Nixon is disbarred by the New York Bar Association. Nixon attempted to resign voluntarily, as he had from the California and U.S. Supreme Court bars, but New York refused to accept his resignation unless he acknowledged that he had obstructed justice during the Watergate coverup.
July 7, 2005 - Four bomb explosions struck London's transport system during the morning rush. Three Underground trains were hit within half an hour, and a double-decker bus joined the toll thirty minutes later.
Over fifty people were killed and more than 700 injured.
Today is - Father-Daughter take a walk together day.
Bonza Bottler Day. An excuse to celebrate. This happens every month when the day and the date are the same number. (May 5, June 6, July 7, etc.).
The holiday was invented by Elaine Fremont in 1985 (who died in a car accident in 1995.) Her friends and family have been keeping her holiday alive by posting announcements of the holiday every year (I didn't know Ms. Fremont but I like the idea.)
Chocolate Day.
Remember kids, chocolate is a vegetable - eat up.
National Strawberry Sundae Day -
I know the holiday will now always be ruined for you by the thought of Lindsay Lohan going to jail.
I'm now officially old - I've received my AARP application.
Today in History - July 7, 1456 - A retrial verdict acquits Joan of Arc of heresy 25 years after her death.
The pile of ashes that was Joan was unsurprisingly silent upon hearing the news.
July 7, 1865 - Mary Surratt, Lewis Powell, David Herold, and George Atzerodt, convicted co-conspirators of the Lincoln assassination were hanged in the Old Arsenal Penitentiary on this date.
Unfortunately, the conspirators dropped about five or six feet, which proved insufficient to break their necks. They were allowed to hang for 25 minutes to ensue the job, if not done well, was at least completed. Mary Surratt became the first woman executed by the United States.
July 7, 1928 – Wonder no more where the expression came from - Sliced bread is sold for the first time by the Chillicothe Baking Company of Chillicothe, Missouri.
It is described as “the greatest forward step in the baking industry since bread was wrapped".
Remember it's Richard Starkey birthday today. And all he has to show for it is a photograph.
And he still won't sign it for you.
On July 7, 1947, something crashed and was recovered near Roswell, New Mexico. This 'recovery' has become the subject of intense speculation, rumor and questioning. There are widely divergent views on what actually happened and passionate debate about what evidence can be believed. The United States military maintains that what was recovered was a top-secret research balloon that had crashed.
Many UFO proponents believe the wreckage was of a crashed alien craft and that the military covered up the craft's recovery. The incident has turned into a widely-recognized and referred to pop culture phenomenon, and for some, Roswell is synonymous with UFOs. It likely ranks as the most famous alleged UFO incident.
Remember, the Truth is out there.
Elvis Presley made his radio debut when Memphis, Tenn., station WHBQ played his first recording for Sun Records, That's All Right on this date, July 7, 1954.
July 6, 1935 - The 14th Dalai Lama, spiritual leader of Tibet's Lamaistic Buddhists, was born as Lhamo Thondup in Hong Ya, a mountain hamlet on the Tibetan Plateau. He was formally recognized as the reincarnated Dalai Lama at age 2 and was renamed Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso (Holy Lord, Gentle Glory, Compassionate, Defender of the Faith, Ocean of Wisdom).
He became a Nobel Peace Prize winner (1989) for his efforts to end China's domination of Tibet. And once again, I've probably been blocked all throughout China.
Queen Elizabeth II will visit New York on Tuesday for the third time in her 58-year reign, addressing the United Nations General Assembly for the first time in half a century and making her first trip to Ground Zero, where she plans to lay a wreath.
What you don't know is - she wanted to go head to head with Takeru 'Tsunami' Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest before his arrest on the 4th. The 84 year old monarch, an avid competitive eater, (competing under the nom de guerreBessie 'Black Bottom' Mountbatten) once ate over 100 crumpets in 17 minutes.
Louis Armstrong, a foundational influence on jazz and Swiss Kriss (herbal laxative) enthusiast,
died on this date, in 1971
July 6, 1979 - The B-52s, a New Wave band based in Athens, Georgia, released Planet Claire on this date.
Just a thought: if her Plymouth Satellite really was faster than the speed of light how did they see it?
July 6, 1994 - Robert Zemeckis' technically amazing film, Forrest Gump, premiered on this date.
Tom Hanks wasn't paid for the film. Instead he took percentage points which ultimately netted him in the region of $40 million. Despite earning over $350 million at the box office, Paramount claimed that they were still $62 million out of profit due to the costs of promotion, distribution and interest.
This is how math works in Hollywood boys and girls.
Today in History: July 6, 1535 - Thomas More, the patron saint of politicians, was beheaded in England for treason, for refusing to renounce the Catholic church in favor of King Henry VIII's Church of England.
More’s sentence to death by hanging was commuted to beheading (what a lucky duck.) He was canonized by the Catholic Church in 1935.
July 6, 1415 - Jan Hus is burned at the stake for various heresies by the Council of Constance.
Among other things, Hus had incited the citizens of Prague to protest against Antipope John XXIII and his policy of granting indulgences.
Those Antipopes are so moody.
July 6, 1921 - Several members of the Chicago White Sox went on trial for throwing the 1919 World Series, on this date. The White Sox players despised their owner Charles Comiskey. He was notoriously stingy. He would offer bonuses for performance and then take them back at the last minute. Gamblers knew that the players were frustrated and angry and offered several of them money to throw the World Series. The night before the series began, a Sox pitcher found $10,000 under the pillow in his hotel bedroom. The next day his first pitch landed between the batter's shoulder blades. The Sox lost the series to the Cincinnati Reds 5 to 3.
Many journalists knew right away that the series had been fixed. One of the accused players, one of the most tragic figures, was Shoeless Joe Jackson, who admitted to taking money, but during the series he didn't make a single error. He also hit the only home run of the series. All of the White Sox players were acquitted for lack of evidence, but the commissioner of baseball banned them from the game for the rest of their lives. None of the gamblers was ever punished.
July 6, 1928 - The first true sound picture, Lights of New York, (Jolson's 1927The Jazz Singer was basically part-silent film part-sound film) previewed in New York on this date.
This filim was originally approved for production as a 2-reeler. Albert Warner approved expanding it to a 57-minute feature despite an untested director. It's $75,000 cost returned $2 million to the studio.
July 6 1944 -
Fire breaks out at a matinee performance of the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Baily Circus burning, in Hartford, Connecticut, 168 people to death, and injuring an additional 250. The main tent had been waterproofed with wax thinned by gasoline. Said one of the Flying Wallendas, "I can never look down at a crowd again without smelling the flames and the burning flesh."
I believe with thoughts like this, even I would give up showbiz.
Among notable survivors, beside the Flying Wallendas, were Eunice Groark, first female lieutenant governor of Connecticut and Charles Nelson Reilly.
July 6, 1945 - The Joint Chiefs of Staff approve Operation OVERCAST, intended to "exploit ... chosen rare minds whose continuing intellectual productivity we wish to use." The directive authorizes the immigration of up to 350 German and Austrian specialists, primarily experts in rocketry.
Operation OVERCAST is later renamed Project PAPERCLIP. This is how we got the 'Good Germans' to work on our space program.
July 6, 1964 - Beatles' film Hard Day's Night premieres in London, on this date.
July 5, 1958 - Bill Watterson, cartoonist and the author of the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes cartoon series, was born on this date.
... Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
It's the 12 year anniversary of the Rev. J. R. "Bob" Dobbs pronouncement that the world would be destroyed by invading alien armies known as the X-ists on July 5, 1998.
As I have posted this days earlier (June 30th) and aliens from Planet X (or Koreans) might be using a different calendar system - if the world has indeed ended (or Hawaii lays in ruins), boy do I have egg on my face.
July 5, 1794 - Sylvester Graham was born in Suffield, Connecticut, on this date. He was ordained in 1826 as a Presbyterian minister. He was an early advocate of dietary reform in United States most notable for his emphasis on vegetarianism, and the temperance movement, as well as sexual and dietary habits.
Graham believed that a firm, crusty bread made of coarsely ground whole-wheat flour was more nutritious and healthy. He correctly argued that chemical additives in bread that make it whiter in color, and more commercially appealing also made it unwholesome.
Graham was also inspired by the temperance movement and preached that a vegetarian diet was a cure for alcoholism, and, more importantly, sexual urges. The main thrust of his teachings was to curb lust. While alcohol had useful medicinal qualities, it should never be abused by social drinking. For Graham, an unhealthy diet stimulated excessive sexual desire which irritated the body and caused disease. While Graham developed a significant following known as Grahamites, known for stuffing Graham crackers in their mouths when the urge came over them (as opposed to Sodomites known for stuffing ... oh never mind.) He was also ridiculed by the media and the public for his unwavering zealotry.
According to newspaper records, many women fainted at his lectures when he aired opinions both on sexual relations and the wearing of corsets. Whether their fainting was due to the subject matter or the tight corsets they wore is still debated.
July 5, 1801 - Admiral David Glasgow Farragut, born on this date, was the first senior officer of the U.S. Navy during the American Civil War. He was the first rear admiral, vice admiral, and full admiral of the Navy. He is remembered in popular culture for his possibly apocryphal order at the Battle of Mobile Bay, usually paraphrased: "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!".
If you have the time go out and see him, he's in Woodlawn Cemetery, Bronx, New York. (I guess that's only convenient if you're near the Bronx.)
If you're not in the Bronx,
you can check out his Memorial statue in Madison Square Park in Manhattan.
July 5, 1865 - Booth led boldly with his big bass drum—(Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?)The Saints smiled gravely and they said: “He’s come.”(Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?)Walking lepers followed, rank on rank,Lurching bravoes from the ditches dank,Drabs from the alleyways and drug fiends pale—Minds still passion-ridden, soul-powers frail:—Vermin-eaten saints with mouldy breath,Unwashed legions with the ways of Death—(Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?)
The Salvation Army began with the efforts of two founders, William Booth and Catherine Booth, to bring salvation to the poor, the hungry, the homeless, and the destitute. On this date, William Booth established The Christian Mission in London, England, which would later be called as The Salvation Army in 1878. The name was changed to The Salvation Army (apparently by the request of an initial member; the Christian Mission's mission-statement originally called the organization a 'volunteer army', and the speaker felt that he wasn't strictly a 'volunteer') and a quasi-military outlook was adopted.
When William Booth became known as the General, Catherine was known as the “Mother of The Salvation Army.” William preached to the poor, and Catherine spoke to the wealthy, gaining financial support for their demanding work. She also ministered, which was a revolutionary act at the time. From the beginning it was already clearly stated in the Foundation Deed of the Christian Mission, that women had the same rights to preach as men. Together the Booths worked tirelessly to help others and brought a spiritual and practical message of rejuvenation. As William said, “The three ‘S's’ best expressed the way in which the Army administered to the 'down and outs': first, soup; second, soap; and finally, salvation.
Introduced on July 5, 1937, the name "Spam" was chosen in the 1930s when the product, whose original name was far less memorable (Hormel Spiced Ham), began to lose market share. The name was chosen from multiple entries in a naming contest. A Hormel official once stated that the original meaning of the name Spam was "Shoulder of Pork and hAM". According to writer Marguerite Patten in Spam – The Cookbook, the name was suggested by Kenneth Daigneau, an actor and the brother of a Hormel vice president. At one time, the official explanation may have been that the name was a syllabic abbreviation of "SPiced hAM", but on their official website, Hormel denies this and states that "SPAM is just that. SPAM." The fact that the originator was given a $100 prize for coming up with the name, however, still appears on the site's SPAM FAQs.
Other varieties of Spam include Spam Less Sodium, Spam Garlic, Spam and Cheese, Spam with Bacon (Hormel bacon), Spam Spread, Spam Lite (containing pork and chicken), Spam Golden Honey Grail, Spam Hot and Spicy (with Tabasco sauce), Spam Hickory Smoked, and Spam Oven Roasted Turkey - the latter is a halal food, meaning that it is allowed under Islamic law, and is especially popular in Muslim markets.
If only for one day a year, it's important to remember that the British weren't always the friendly sort of people who gave us the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and Monty Python. They're also responsible for warm beer, vinegar-flavored potato chips, and irritating Anglophiliacs on our own shores pronouncing schedule as shed-yule and issue as iss-yew. On July 4 of every year, therefore, we celebrate our forefathers having told them to screw.
We not only celebrate the purging of the British blight from our land: we celebrate the manner in which it was done, which was at once brilliant, daring, and easily adapted to the screen. The events that led to our independence are all the more worthy of remembrance, even inaccurately, at this crucial juncture in our history, and I therefore offer the following summary of American independence for the edification of both of my readers.
(Yeah, I know it has nothing to do with the Fourth of July.)
In 1774, representatives from each of the thirteen colonies convened in Philadelphia to complain. This was The First Continental Congress. Upon registering their various complaints, they returned home.
One of the colonists' primary complaints was that British cabbies working in the colonies refused to unionize. This was called "Taxis without Representation," and became the issue that ultimately pushed the simmering discontent of the colonies into outright hostility. Sensing the volatility of the situation, British troops advanced toward Concord in April of 1775, forcing Paul Revere to ride his horse.
The first shot that rang out at the battle of Concord was so loud that its sound reverberated all the way around the world. As a result, the British heard it behind them instead of in front of them. This caused the fog of war. Neither the British nor the Colonists were prepared for fog, so the War was postponed.
In May, representatives once again convened in Philadelphia to complain about the taxis, the fog, and other grievances. This was the Second Continental Congress. Unlike the previous Congress, however, this one tried to work out a deal with Britain's King George. This was difficult, as King George was insane and regularly confused the colonies for colostomies, causing considerable embarrassment to everyone involved but accruing great profit to Britain's flourishing proctology trade.
In June the Colonists developed a Continental Army and a Continental Currency, operating on the assumption that an insane king would be easier to deal with if they had a lot of money and guns. This assumption proved partly correct, as the Brits appeared to ease hostilities for nearly a year. It also proved partly wrong when, in May 1776, the Americans discovered that the King had been hiring German mercenaries to come kill them.
In June of 1776 the Colonists finally decided that instead of working something out with the British it would be easier and more satisfactory to shoot them.
On June 7, Richard Henry Lee of Virginia read a resolution to the Continental Congress. The essence of his resolution was that King George and Great Britain could kiss his hairy American ass. The Congress appreciated Lee's sentiments, and subsequently formed a committee to write a note to King George in which it would be made plain why it had become necessary to start shooting the British.
The committee was chaired by Thomas Jefferson. Its four other members were John Adams and Benjamin Franklin (each of whom was counted twice for the sake of Stature).
The Declaration of Independence wasn't a very long document, but little Tommy Jefferson was trying so hard to impress all the older guys that he overwrote it, using an archaic style of English that is best understood in translation. Here is a translation of the Declaration in its entirety:
"It's a good idea to let people know why you're having a revolution. We think it's pretty obvious that any government that screws its people over is cruising for a bruising. We're not saying anyone with a hair up their butt ought to have their own revolution, but we've put up with an awful lot of crap from King George. He won't let us do anything on our own, and whenever we try, he sends people to kill us. We've asked him over and over to back off. We've told him over and over that we'd only put up with so much. But did he listen? No. So to hell with him and to hell with Britain and all their phony goddam accents. We'll kick their ass or die trying."
These were what political scientists refer to as "fightin' words."
On July 4, 1776, the Declaration was presented to the Congress. Nine of the thirteen colonies voted to adopt it. Pennsylvania and South Carolina voted against it (we know where you live). Delaware couldn't make up its mind, and New York abstained. Copies of the Declaration were distributed the next day (photocopiers were much slower back then). On July 8 it was read aloud in Philadelphia's Independence Square.
The document wasn't fully signed until August, but as soon as it was, Americans began shooting the British in earnest. By February of 1783 they had shot enough of them that Spain, Sweden, Denmark and Russia officially acknowledged the United States of America as an independent nation.
In honor of our Independence, we celebrate the anniversary of its declaration by blowing things up, roasting dead animals over hot coals or gaseous flames, and drinking cold, sudsy beverages that inhibit our ability to think. Such festivities may not honor the philosophical nuances of our revolution, but they do keep the rest of the world at a comfortable distance.
Happy Fourth of July, and God Bless America.
Remember if you're going to drink, drink til you drop, DON'T DRIVE AND DRINK. I have so few readers that I can't afford to lose any of them.
Once again, ACME would also like to bring you on this 4th of July a rare Bruce Springsteen clip of "Fourth of July", sponsored by ACMESplit Buns -Slide your ACMESnappy Weinie - The Almost 100% all beef frank (but hey don't ask what the other stuff in it is) in our Split Buns and feel the difference:
I believe I can say that both men have have plastic surgery without fear of goons kicking down my door and dragging me away.
But that is about all I'm going to say.
The Dog Days of summer begin today
Siriusly.
That was an inside joke for astronomers. The following is provided for the benefit of non-astronomers.
Sirius is the name of the brightest star in the night-time sky (the brightest star in the day-time sky is called "the sun"), and it's known as the dog star because it's located in the constellation Canis Major—or, in English, Major Dog. The hottest days of the year in the northern hemisphere happen to coincide with the period during which Sirius rises with our own sun, and primitive bastards therefore concluded that Sirius was contributing to the heat.
Like most primitive bastards, they were wrong, but like most modern bastards, we continue to cherish their timeless wisdom anyway. Plus, having "Dog Days" of summer is a great boon to advertising copywriters, whose creativity is surely the driving force behind western civilization.
Changing the topic - July 3, 1951 - An almost forgotten Hitchcock classic, Strangers on a Train, was released on this date.
Raymond Chandler is credited as the main author of the script, but it was almost completely written by Czenzi Ormonde who was credited as second author. Chandler seems to have gone out of his way to behave disagreeably to Alfred Hitchcock. When Hitchcock arrived at Chandler's home for a story meeting, Chandler hollered from his window, "Look at the fat bastard trying to get out of his car!"
July 3, 1996 - One of the great summer popcorn movies, Independence Day, was released on this date.
... If I had known I was gonna meet the president I would've worn a tie. Look at me, I look like a schliemiel.
Happy Birthday Quebec, you don't look a day over 350.
On this date in 1608, French explorer Samuel de Champlain invented Quebec. Since then, the French Canadians have been even more obnoxious than the French themselves.
On July 3, 1969, Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones drowned in his own swimming pool on this date.
Although he was the first Rolling Stone to do so, Mr Jones is just one of millions of people to have drowned in their own swimming pools. As a public service I have therefore chosen to help American readers prepare for the long holiday weekend with some advice on how not to drown in one's pool:
1. The easiest way not to drown in your own pool is not to have one. Readers without pools may enhance their safety further by consulting the previous articles, "How Not to Break Your Neck in Your Own Backyard" and "How Not to Set Your House on Fire."
2. If you insist upon owning a pool, don't swim in it, walk by it, or nap in its vicinity.
3. Pools don't drown people: water does. A drained pool is a safe pool. In troubling times like these, it's also worth noting that empty pools may be put to good use as bunkers or bomb shelters.
4. Avoid the use of electronic equipment while swimming. Today's multi-tasking professionals may feel inclined to save time by checking their email or drafting a Powerpoint presentation while taking a few laps, but this can prove ruinous for one's telecommunications equipment and, in the case of desktop computers or mainframes, not much better for one's own health.
5. Wait at least 45 minutes before swimming after the ingestion of mind-altering substances.
6. Don't be a rock star. Scientific research has proven that rock stars are seven times more likely than the general population to drown in swimming pools, bathtubs, or pools of their own vomit.
7. Do not attempt to convert the water in your pool to Jell-O. Jell-O is just as deadly as chlorinated water when ingested by the lungs, but far more likely to attract insects and vermin. It is one thing to drown in your own pool: it is quite another to drown in your own pool and then be devoured by maggots.
8. Avoid poisonous snakes.
July 3, 1971 - Jim Morrison is found dead of an apparent heart attack in his Paris apartment bathtub.
That's what he wants us to think, anyway.
July 3, 1939 - Lou Gehrig day; Gehrig makes "luckiest man" speech.
Once again I've got to say - if only he had known he had a disease named after him.
July 2, 1959 - Ed Wood released his greatest opus, Plan 9 from Outer Space, opened on this date.
Contrary to popular belief, the detective that points his gun at himself several times was actually testing director Edward D. Wood Jr. to see if he would notice. Needless to say, Ed Wood didn't notice.
July 2, 1971 - Gordon Parks' classic crime-drama Shaft, starring Richard Roundtree, premiered on this date.
Isaac Hayes originally auditioned to play the title role. Producers cast Richard Roundtree, but were so impressed with Hayes that they asked him to write the now legendary score to the film.
Today in History - One day in the second half of the ninth century, a poor young woman on her way to the market dropped her basket of eggs, breaking all of them.
The young woman knelt on the ground beside the fallen basket and began to weep.
The local bishop had been out for his morning stroll and happened to see the entire episode. He attempted to console the woman, but she was having none of it. Without the eggs, she had nothing to sell at market. Nothing to sell meant no money to sustain her family. Being unable to sustain her family meant, well, what it usually means: degradation, illness, and eventually death. Soothing words from a bishop weren't much help.
The bishop then prayed for her pain to be eased. When he was done praying, the woman looked into her basked and saw that all of the eggs had been made whole.
"Wot's all that about, then?" she asked.
"Tis a sign of God's grace and compassion," the bishop said. "I am but his -"
"God fixed me eggs, what?"
"All things are possible with God," the bishop began, but the poor young woman interrupted again.
"All-powerful God? All-knowing God? I work meself to death eight days to the week, and when he finally comes through with a miracle - it's fixin' me eggs? What about a floor for me hut? What about clothes for me young-uns? What about -"
It is probably not necessary to record the full text of the woman's stirring solecism.
That great religious leader was St. Swithun, who died on this date, in 862, . He was the Bishop of Winchester and royal counselor to kings Egbert and Aethelwulf.
History tells us very little about St Swithun, besides the fact that he died when he did, which is why I bring him up: someone ought to invent a life for the guy. Maybe he was raised by wolves. Maybe he was kidnapped by pirates. Maybe he found a genie in a bottle and was granted him three wishes. Or maybe he fell in love with the beautiful red-headed daughter of a rival landowner and they had a tempestuous love affair before tragedy struck her down and Swithun turned to religion for consolation. Who knows? Nobody.
So make up a St Swithun you can live with.
(Remember, if it rains on July 15th, St. Swithun's day, your bread will turn moldy.)
129 years ago today, Charles J. Guiteau stood up in the lobby of the B&O Railroad Depot in Washington, DC, and yelled, "I am a stalwart and Arthur is President now!" The event might have passed without notice had Guiteau not been shooting President James Garfield at the time.
A wounded President Garfield lingered for 11 weeks, during which time surgeons attempted to find the bullet which had lodged in his back. The state-of-the-art technology for removing foreign objects from the body was at that time the hand. Dozens of physicians, nurses, and curious hangers-on probed Garfield's wound with their fingers in search of the bullet that had struck him. The inevitable infection of his wound killed him.
Charles Guiteau was hanged on June 30, 1882.
July 2, 1900 - Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin airship LZ-1, takes the first zeppelin flight over Lake Constance near Friedrichshafen, Germany.
Unfortunately zeppelin travel never really took off; he did not offer beverage cart service at the time.
Well, that and the whole Hindenburg thing.
July 2, 1937 - Attempting to become the first female pilot to circumnavigate the globe in an airplane, Amelia Earhart disappears over the Pacific with her drunken navigator, Fred Noonan.
She still holds the record for a spouse going out for a carton of milk and not returning.
49 years ago today Ernest Hemingway blew his brains out at his home in Ketchum, Idaho. Hemingway was a writer. He was also a man. He knew things about being a man. He also knew things about trying to be a man.
He wrote about them, those things. He wrote love stories and stories about fishermen and soldiers. He liked to write. And in the end he blew his brains out. Maybe that means something. Maybe it doesn't. Either way, don't bother asking for whom the bell tolled.
It wasn't for you.
On this date in 1964, President Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act, prohibiting racial discrimination.
Barack Obama is proof that America has remained a paragon of racial harmony to this very day.
According to the Gregorian calendar, July is the seventh month. On the Roman calendar, it was the fifth month and it was called 'Quintilis', meaning 'fifth'. Julius Caesar gave the month 31 days in 46 B.C. Being a dictator he could. Luckily for us he didn't authorize the constant changing of underpants or most of the glory that was Rome may never have been built, due the high laundry bills. The Roman Senate named it 'Julius', in honor of Caesar because - well, he was a dictator.
July is usually the hottest month of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. July is one of the winter months in the Southern Hemisphere. The climate is mild in most of the Southern Hemisphere, with the exception of the COLD Antarctica, and the cold, rainy part of South America.
During July, when there isn't much rain, the grass often loses it's greenness. Some flowers are abundant in July, because they strive on the heat. Also, insects are abundant as well - life is striving in July (in the Northern Hemisphere anyway)!
Independence Day is observed in the United States on July 4. On that day in 1776, the Continental Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence. In France, a similar holiday, Bastille Day, occurs on July 14. Several other countries celebrate national independence in July. Independence Day is celebrated in Venezuela on July 5; in Argentina, July 9; in Belgium, July 21; and in Peru, July 28. In my home, July 12th is a national holiday.
The Ruby is the gem for July.
The water lily is the flower for the month of July.
Here are some of the causes recognized in July
American Beer Month.
Anti-Boredom Month ( I believe I have been nominated several times as the spokesperson but an Eastern syndicate always lobbies heavily for Carrot Top. What can I do?)
Boredom is an important sign of depression.
July is National Baked Beans Month.
You all know - Beans, beans, the magically fruit...
Hemochromatosis Screening Awareness Month.
For goodness sake get yourself screened
Hitchhiking Month
Remember, if you're on a dark and lonely road during a thunderstorm, pick up that hitchhiker.
July is National Hot Dog Month - National Hot Dog Day is July 23.
Remember don't look too closely into the bit end of your hot dog
Ice Cream Month (National)
Remember to SCREAM about it
Lead Poison Control Week
So lick that wall kids
Peach Month (There seems to be some confusion on whether National Peach Month is in July or August.
So Dammit, dare to eat the peach!!!)
Read An Almanac Month
Which is evident that I do all the time.
National Therapeutic Recreation Week. So Happy Ends for everyone
Here is your Today in History:
July 1 - Canada celebrates Canada Day (Canadian for "Fourth of July") today. Canada is the second-largest nation in the world. It is not part of the United States.
In the 142 years of their nationhood, Canadians have given the world paint rollers, snowmobiles, electric organs, green ink, toboggans, snow blowers, plexiglass, and the push-up bra.
Canada has about the same population as California, but fewer Scientologists.
A 7-Eleven in Winnipeg sells more slurpees per capita than any other store in the world.
Today is the 30th anniversary of the Canadian national anthem, 'Like America, But Colder.'
Canada's leading export to the United States is Canadians. Dan Aykroyd, who happens to have been born exactly 58 years ago today, is one.
Pamela Anderson is another, and was also born today, although she's younger (most of her is 40ish, but some parts are significantly younger).
Other Canadian exports: Bryan Adams, Paul Anka, Alexander Graham Bell, Raymond Burr, John Candy, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion, Michael J. Fox, John Kenneth Galbraith, Peter Jennings, kd lang, Marshall McLuhan, Joni Mitchell, Alice Munro, Oscar Peterson, William Shatner, Alex Trebek, Shania Twain, Neil Young and of course, Lorne Greene.
Quimby was the first American to receive a pilot's license (1911) and was the first woman to solo across the English Channel (1912).
Kids, put on the damn seat belt.
For your viewing entertainment today - 100 Greatest Movie Insults
After that, the put downs you can come up with just don't seem bad enough.
If you are traveling today, have a safe and sane Fourth of July. (As usual, I've already left for my mini vacation - so if I missed some breaking news event, like photos of Elena Kagan posing for Playboy's "Deans of the Ivy League" shows up - you'll have to excuse me.)
He remains the only U.S. president to have died from indigestion (with the posible exception of Warren G Harding, who may or may not have been poisoned by his wife - which could be considered death by extreme indigestion - but that's another story.)
