Erin Go Bragh

The Feast Day of St. Patrick is celebrated on March 17.



St. Patrick is considered the father of Celtic Christianity. He founded more than three hundred churches, drove the snakes out of Ireland, invented green beer, and coined the popular slogan, "Kiss me, I'm Irish."



The Citizenry of Chicago is encouraged to drink cheap green beer early and often before St. Patrick's Day so the Chicago River can be dyed with their vomit.


March 17, 1756 -
St. Patrick's Day is celebrated in New York City for the first time (at the Crown and Thistle Tavern). The celebration evolves into a parade and the St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York City is the largest celebration of the holiday in the world (drawn more revelers than any parade for the holiday in the whole of Ireland.)


March 17, 965 -
Pope Leo VIII dies of a stroke during sexual congress with a prostitute.



Perhaps a fine way for a man to die, but not a very appropriate choice for the Bishop of Rome.


March 17, 1919 -
Nathaniel Adams Coles, the premiere singer and jazz pianist was born on this date.



In 1948, Nat King Cole purchased a house in the all-white Hancock Park neighborhood of Los Angeles. The property owners association told Cole they did not want any undesirables moving in. Cole retorted

"Neither do I. And if I see anybody undesirable coming in here, I'll be the first to complain."


March 17, 1939 -
After German troops crossed the Czech border, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain threw all his years of careful diplomacy out the window and accused Adolf Hitler of breaking his word.



He instantly regretted having let these angry words slip, however, and subsequently resigned.


March 17, 1942 -
John Wayne Gacy, part time clown, serial killer, and sodomizer of dozens of boys, is born in Chicago. His father was convinced Gacy was a "sissy", but friends and family didn't really suspect anything untoward was afoot until his 1968 arrest for coercing a teenage boy employee into committing multiple homosexual acts.



It's always a clue.


March 17, 1948 -
The Hells Angels Motorcycle Club is founded in San Bernardino, California by veterans of World War II who were former members of the Pissed Off Bastards.



Hell's Angels has 100 chapters globally, with more than 1600 members.


March 17, 1966 -
A U.S. midget submarine, the Alvin, located a missing hydrogen bomb which had fallen from an American bomber into the Mediterranean off Spain. Oops. Most famously, the Alvin was involved in the exploration of the wreckage of RMS Titanic in 1986. Launched from her support ship RV Atlantis II, she carried Dr. Robert Ballard and two companions to the wreckage of the great liner. RMS Titanic sank while attempting to transit the North Atlantic Ocean, after striking a large iceberg in 1912.



Alvin, accompanied by a small remotely operated vehicle (ROV) named Jason Jr., was able to conduct detailed photographic surveys and inspections of the Titanic's wreckage. Many of the photographs of the expedition have been published in the magazine of the National Geographic Society which was a major sponsor of the expedition.

March 17, 1999 -
Six members of the International Olympic Committee are expelled for corruption, all from poor third world countries. They received bribes from Salt Lake City totalling hundreds of thousands of dollars, a practice that had been going on for years. It should also be noted that the IOC Vice President at the time was named "Dick Pound".

March 17, 1960 -
My good friend John was born. Not to be confused with his cousin, John, who was also born but not on this date.

March 17, 1970 -
My brother was born at Jewish Memorial Hospital in Upper Manhattan. As was noted at the time, he must be a lucky kid as he was a Puerto Rican baby born in a Jewish Hospital on an Irish holiday.

And so it goes.

Happy Birthday Jerry

March 16, 1926
Joseph Levitch, comedian, actor, producer, writer, director, singer, Légion d'honneur recipient and the dollar sign in Dean Martin eyes, was born on this date.





Hey lady.

Today in History -
March 16 -
St. Urho's Day, Patron saint of Finnish vineyard workers. Attributed to him is the miracle of banishing grasshoppers from Finland which he accomplished with a few choice Finnish phrases, thereby saving the season's grape crop.



But in reality a bunch of very drunk people made this up in 1956.


March 16 1190 -
More than 150 and perhaps as many as 500 Jews, secured in Clifford's Tower at York, die from suicide and massacre after they are sieged by townspeople under Richard Malebys. Malebys was a nobleman who owed money to the Jews; after their siege all records relating to moneylending were destroyed. It is the largest massacre of Jews in the history of the United Kingdom.


March 16 1792 -
At a masquerade ball, a disgruntled Captain Jacob Johan Ankarstroem shoots Swedish King Gustav III near the heart with a bullet composed of lead and carpet tacks. It took him almost two weeks to die and for his effort the bad Captain is drawn and quartered.



Shakespeare never wrote about Gustavus, probably because Gustavus was born well after Shakespeare's death, but Giuseppe Verdi (in English, "Joe Green") wrote an opera about the affair called Un Ballo in Maschera ("A Bull in Mascara"). As punishment, the Captain is decapitated, drawn, and quartered.

Ouch!!!


March 16 1949 -
Erik Estrada's birthday.



Reason enough to live another day.


March 16 1978 -
Italian Red Brigades kidnap former Italian Premier Aldo Moro for release of imprisoned comrades.



Moro was murdered and his body was later found on 9 May 1978.


And so it goes.

Attention Citizens: Be on the look out for this woman

An arrest warrant has been issued for the follow person:



A word to the wise - lock up your liquor, she's a mean drunk.

Here is your Today in History -
It's a bad day for Italian men in short dresses who are going to the Senate today. So please, all you paisans, wear something sensible, perhaps a midcalf skirt or a pants suit.




March 15, 44 BC -
Julius Caesar, already warned to be wary on this the Ides of March by the astrologer Spurinna, assassinated with pointy knives by a group of Senators, including Brutus and Cassius, at the Pompey theater. They were angry at him because he had crossed the Rubicon. Later Marc Antony borrowed everyone's ears and told them that Brutus was an honorable man, which upset them so much they had a Civil War.



Sixteen centuries later, more or less, William Shakespeare immortalized the story, and eventually Marlon Brando got to play Marc Antony, so everyone was happy in the end.



Caesar is also celebrated because he wrote a famous book called The Garlic Wars, which begins with the famous line, "All garlic is divided into three cloves." It also includes the line "veni, vidi, vinci," the exact meaning of which is still a matter of debate but, if my own Latin studies are worth anything, probably involves Druids and hollandaise sauce.


March 15, 1812 -
Luddites attack Frank Vickerman's wool processing factory at Taylor Hill in West Yorkshire, resulting in general destruction and attempted arson.



The rampaging Luddites were incensed because his machines replaced workers, but Vickerman was primarily targeted because of involvement in an Anti-Luddite committee.

So now you know


Today's episode of Oh, that Wacky Russian Revolution:
At two o'clock in the morning on March 15, 1917 the Tsar sent word to Petrograd that he was awfully sorry about the war and starvation and everything, but that he had some really good ideas about what they could do now, was looking forward to working with them, believed that healthy debate was a symptom of good government, and so on.



The new government told him to blow it out his ass.

And so at three o'clock in the afternoon, Nicholas abdicated in favor of his son (who had measles).



The new government told him and his son to blow it out their asses.

At 11:15 pm, Nicholas signed a proclamation that both he and his son (who had measles) would abdicate in favor of his brother, the Grand Duke Mikhail.



The next day, the new government told Nicholas, his son (who had measles), and the Grand Duke Mikhail to blow it out their asses.

March 15,1972 -
The greatest film ever about corporate management and pasta sauce making, The Godfather, premieres.



It's not personal, it's strictly business


And so it goes.

Happy Pi Day

Pi Day is celebrated by math enthusiasts ( read - nerds) around the world on March 14th. Albert Einstein's parents conveniently arranged for him to be born on Pi Day in 1879.

Today in History:
March 14, 1794 -
Eli Whitney is granted a patent for the cotton gin.



While drinkable, gin flavored with juniper berries is still a better choice for a very dry martini.


Karl Marx died in London on March 14, 1883. His premature death prevented him from seeing the global impact of his progeny: Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and Zeppo. Karl Marx was born in Trier, Prussia May 5,1818. He went to school at a time of severe repression. Pianos had to have skirts on for fear young men would become aroused by the sight of their bare legs. The Prussian government kept the teachers under police surveillance to make sure they wouldn't teach anything too radical like 2 + 2= 4 and so the students, including Marx, became extremely radical.



As a result of his beliefs, Marx was not able to get a job as a chicken inspector after he got his doctorate in philosophy. And without a job, he spent his time analyzing history and stealing tips left for waiters at the coffeehouses he frequented and came to the conclusion that all historical events were caused by economic forces.

He got involved in Communism - the belief that all private property should be abolished, men and women should not bathe or shave and pickled herring should be used as a cologne. Marx moved around Europe, writing for newspapers and pornographic pamphlet, studying, wanting to write a book about his economic ideas. But Marx was an obsessive researcher, and never knew when to stop reading and start writing. He only became productive after he met Friedrich Engels, a socialist who was also wealthy—the heir to a textile business and primitive whoopee cushion novelty item.



Their main theory was that the economic system was a perpetual conflict between those who controlled the capital and those who provided the labor, that the conflict would never be resolved peacefully, that in a free market, workers would continue periodically to lose their jobs, their standard of living would fall, and this would inevitably lead to violent revolution. He believed that giant corporations would dominate the world's industries, that globalism in trade would make markets even more unstable. He also believed that you could hard boil an egg by holding it under one's armpit for a week thus saving money by not paying the gas bill.

Marx and Engels published their Communist Manifesto and Mr. Peepers and the Amorous French Maid in 1848, and revolution did break out afterward in France, Italy, and Austria. Marx's newspaper was shut down. He had to flee the country. He moved to London, worked for years on his last book, Das Kapital. His family in poverty, Marx said, "I don't suppose anyone has ever written about 'money' when so short of the stuff." A spy from Prussia was keeping tabs on him and wrote, "Washing, grooming and changing his clothes are things he does rarely. He does not shave at all. But he does have an unnatural obsession watching Amenian women clip their toenails!"

He fed his family on bread and potatoes, and when one of his children died, his wife had to borrow money from a neighbor to buy a coffin.

When Marx died in 1883, only 11 persons came to his funeral. And they were all charged a mourners tax!




March 14, 1889 -
German Ferdinand von Zeppelin patents his "Navigable Balloon"




Today on March 14 1932, one of the greatest notes was written. George Eastman, the founder of Kodak Corporation, kills himself after a long illness.



His suicide note states "To my friends: My work is done. Why wait?" All in all, terse but to the point.


Remember folks, there are only 287 more shopping days until Christmas.

And so it goes.

Happy Birthday Donald (maybe)

According to Disney canon, particularly in the 1942 short "Donald Gets Drafted", Donald's full name is Donald Fauntleroy Duck Donald's birthday is officially recognized as June 9, 1934, the day his debut film was released, but in The Three Caballeros, his birthday is given as simply "Friday the 13th". In Donald's Happy Birthday (short) gives his birthday as 13 March.



It another Friday the 13th (boo)

I'm a tad under the weather so here is your abbreviated
Today in History -

March 13, 1881,
An anarchist Nikolai Rysakov, from the radical group People's Will throws a bomb which disrupts Czar Alexander II's motorcade. Startled but unharmed, Alexander thanks God for his deliverance, another anarchist Ignacy Hryniewiecki, yells "It is too early to thank God" and throws a second bomb, causing severe injuries from which Alexander bleeds to death several hours later.



(Nicholas II, Alexander grandson, was one of the unfortunate witnesses to Czar's gruesome death.)


March 13 is the birthday of L. Ron Hubbard (the "L" is silent). Mr. Hubbard invented Dianetics, which eventually led to Scientology, causing Scientologists and Personality Tests.



Scientologists are easily distinguished from Jehovah's Witnesses in that they don't ask you subscribe to The Watchtower and they can often be seen in major motion pictures.


On March 13, the imperial guard, acting on the orders of the dissolved Duma, which had not been dissolved, took the Tsarina and her children (who had measles) into custody. A day later, England and France acknowledged the Executive Committee of the Duma as the official government of Russia.

Meanwhile, Nicholas II had taken a train to Pskov. He knew the revolutionaries would be unlikely to pursue him somewhere so difficult to pronounce.

That evening in St. Petersburg, the Executive Committee of the Duma met with the Petrograd Soviet and agreed that the Russian Cabinet should be dissolved, and also the Tsar.

They established a joint government, with Prince Grigori Lvov at its head, nicely countering the Czar's difficult pronunciation ploy. They put the Russian Cabinet in prison, next to the Russian Credenza.

And so it goes.

Kevin

But where's the money?

So Bernie's going to plead guilty to the largest Ponzi scheme in US history in court this morning. And perhaps poor Ruth, who wants to keep a mere $69 million dollars that have nothing to do with Bernie's crime, will probably be there.



Now, I'm not suggesting this but it could be a good time to begin looting the Upper East Side apartment. I'm just saying, no one is home ...

In very sad news from Alaska,
Bristol Palin has broken off her engagement with Levi Johnston, her baby's daddy. Yes I know you all thought this would last a lifetime. Hopefully they will be returning the engagement gifts.


Here is your Today in History -

At the end of the second world war, America dropped two atomic bombs on Japan. Each bomb killed so many people so quickly and made the world so safe for peace-loving democracies that America began feeling pretty good about things and forgot all about being Depressed, etc. This caused the hula-hoop, the soda fountain, and Annette Funicello.



Not everyone could master the hula-hoop, however, and the alienation experienced by those who couldn't resulted in the development of an American counterculture.

Scoffing the traditional values of mainstream America, the counterculturalists experimented with bold new ideas. They forsook the established middle-class pleasures, such as wine, woman, and song, in favor of radical new ones, such as sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll.



Born 87 years ago today, Jack Kerouac was a child of the Depression and a veteran of the second world war. He was therefore torn between these competing value systems and roamed the country aimlessly in search of grammar and punctuation.



The adventures described in On the Road were based loosely on his real-life travels with the infamous Ken Kesey and his band of Merry Pranksters, whose insatiable appetite for borscht led Kerouac to dub them "The Beet Generation."


March 12, 1918
Today episode on the Wacky World of the Russian Revolution -

Russia's peasants and workers are still exhausted by the war and its attendant famine. The Tsar and Tsarina are past caring about their suffering - they were under arrest The Russia's peasants and workers are still furious with the government, which had become two governments and therefore twice as bad. And they were tired of all this nonsense about March being February, St. Petersburg being Petrograd, the Czar being Tsar, and all those crazy, mixed-up fronts.



So what does the country do - move the capital from Petrograd to Moscow on this date


March 12, 1938 -
Germany enters Austria in the "Anschluss", to annex it as part of Grossdeutchland.



Oh those wacky Germans and their World Domination Tour.


March 12, 1945 -
"I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are still truly good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness; I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too; I can feel the sufferings of millions; and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty will end, and that peace and tranquillity will return again ... I must uphold my ideals, for perhaps the time will come when I shall be able to carry them out."



Anne Frank dies at Auschwitz.


March 12, 1955
Charles Parker, Jr., one of the most influential jazz musicians, died on this date while while watching Tommy Dorsey on television.



Due to many years of drug and alcohol abuse, the coroner who performed his autopsy mistakenly estimated Parker's 34-year-old body to be between 50 and 60 years of age.

Bird Lives.


March 12, 2000 -
Pope John Paul II asks God's forgiveness for the many wrongs committed by the Roman Catholic Church. The pardon he requested divided into seven categories of Church sin, including sins against the Jews, against native peoples of the world, the crimes of the Inquisition, and general crimes against humanity.

This pardon was requested only for past sins, and apparently does not apply to the Church's many ongoing sins.


And so it goes.

Crazy Eddie might be back from the dead

Someone has just acquired the rights to the infamous electronics retailer Crazy Eddie name and is plan to make a comeback by opening a store near Penn Station.



Well, you know we have to say it - that's INNSAAAANNNNE


March 11, 1950 -
Homeless Hare, a very funny Bugs Bunny cartoon, was released on this date.



After all, a man's home is his castle.


Today in History -
March 11, 1302 -
Romeo & Juliet's wedding day, according to Shakespeare



I've seen all of these websites that offer to help you plan a romantic wedding 'just like Romeo and Juliet', does that mean you have to kill yourself shortly after the honeymoon?


March 11, 1669 -
After a series of premonitional earthquakes near Mount Etna, the largest volcano in Europe spectacularly erupts, destroying the Sicilian town of Nicolosi and killing 20,000 people.




More on the Wacky Russian Revolution
On March 11 the Russian Cabinet finally became indignant and tried to dissolve the Duma, but the Duma refused to dissolve. The Petrograd Soviet of Workers' and Peasants' Deputies also refused to dissolve, even though the Cabinet had not asked them to dissolve.



(The Cabinet could not ask them to, because the Cabinet had determined that The Petrograd Soviet of Workers' and Peasants' Deputies did not exist.)


The Roxy Theatre in New York City was a 6,214 seat movie theater at 153 West 50th Street at 7th Avenue, opened on March 11, 1927 by Samuel Roxy Rothafel. It was designed by Chicago architect Walter W. Ahlschlager.



The opening night film was The Love of Sunya produced by and starring Gloria Swanson. The Roxy was overshadowed by the opening of Radio City Music Hall in the Rockefeller Center in NYC in 1932.



The Roxy closed and was demolished in 1960, and Swanson was famously photographed on October 14, 1960 by Time-Life photographer Eliot Elisofon in the midst of the ruins during the theater's demolition.


March 11, 1931 -
F. W. Murnau, one of the most influential German film directors of the silent era, was out for a relaxing drive with his fourteen-year old Filipino valet Garcia Stevenson, when Mr. Murnau failed to heed one of the basic tenets of auto safety - it was rumored that Murnau decided to perform fellatio on the young driver.



Mr. Murnau and Mr Stevenson were involved in a car crash and both died on this date. Kids, let this be a lesson to us all - for heaven's sake, please pull over if you decide to fellate the driver of your automobile.


March 11, 1957
Charles Van Doren, darling of the American public, loses to Vivienne Nearing on the rigged TV quiz show Twenty One when both are asked to name the kings of Norway (Olav V) , Denmark (Frederick IX) , Sweden (Gustaf VI Adolf), Jordan (Hussein) , Iraq (Faisal II) , and Belgium (Baudouin).



Doren "missed" - the king of Belgium.


March 11, 1958 -
A B-47 bomber drops a nuclear bomb in the town of Mars Bluff in South Carolina. While it did not detonate a nuclear explosion, conventional explosives within the bomb left a 75 foot crater, destroying one house and damaging five others.


War:Dead' A-Bomb Hits US Town, 13th March 1958

The government has to send out hundreds of 'oops' letters to the town's residents.


March 11, 1970 -
Actress Suzanne Somers arrested (and strip searched!) for writing bad checks.



She was not prosecuted.


And so it goes

Is it me ...

HAMPTON, Va. – Some Phish fans are leaving Hampton a little lighter than when they arrived for the band's weekend reunion.

Police said Monday they confiscated about $1.2 million in illegal drugs and more than $68,000 in cash from concertgoers. Authorities also arrested 194 Phish fans during the three-night celebration of the band's return to the stage after a nearly five-year absence.

Most of the arrests were for drug possession, use and distribution, police said.

Tourism officials had estimated 75,000 fans would be coming to the coastal Virginia city. Nearly 200 law enforcement officers worked the weekend event, with the Vermont-based band picking up the tab.

... or is that a lot of drugs to enjoy listening to a band?
March 10, 1940 -
Carlos Ray Norris, the world's greatest living human being was born on this date.



* When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

* When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

* Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

* Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

* For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

* Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

* When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

* When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

* Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

* Today, on his birthday, Chuck Norris will randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.


Today in History -
March 10, 1876 -
It was on this date in 1876 that Alexander Graham Bell conducted the first successful experiment on a radical new technology.

He put a "transmitter" in one room of his home and a "receiver" in another. He connected them with wire.

He then shouted into the mouthpiece of the transmitter, "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you."

A moment later, his assistant, who had been waiting in the room with the receiver, came into Bell's room and said he had heard and understood everything.



The experiment was a success, and just a few days later Bell received the patent for the worlds first Long-Distance Watson Summonsing Device.

The invention didn't enjoy much commercial success because the market for persons with out-of-earshot assistants named Watson was not as large as Bell had hoped, but it did serve as a major stepping-stone to one of Bell's most significant inventions, the Watson Detonator


March 10, 1948 -
The State owned Communist Newpaper reports that the Czech foreign minister Jan Masaryk was thrown from a window at his apartment in Prague under mysterious circumstances.


Police seize more than $1 million from Phish fans

Authorities rule his death was a "suicide" and then decide to rule the death as accidentally because he seems to have "fallen while sitting in a yoga position on a window sill to combat insomnia". But most likely he was suffocated first, judging from the fact that he had lost control of his bowels.



I hate when that happens.


March 10, 1974 -
Second Lt. Hiroo Onoda of the Imperial Japanese Army surrenders to Philippine authorities. He believed World War II was still underway and continued a 30 year guerrila battle with other islanders. His final capitulation came when his senior officer, Maj. Taniguchi, ordered his surrender.



Upon return to the Japanese homeland, Onoda was treated as a hero, but had difficulty coping with his "postwar" life.


March 10, 1977 -
Roman Polanski gives a thirteen-year old girl Quaaludes and has sex with her during a photo shoot at Jack Nicholson's home. He later flees the country to avoid statutory rape charges.




It would have gone a lot easier for him (and probably more fun) if he just went into the bathroom and masturbated alone.


March 10, 1977 -
Astronomers James L. Elliot, Edward W. Dunham, and Douglas J. Mink discover rings around Uranus.



Allow yourself to laugh like a teenager.


March 10, 1988 -
Highly insipid rock vocalist Andy Gibb dies of heart trouble at age 30. He put a lot of drugs into his body, primarily cocaine.



Remember kids, just say no to insipid rock.


And so it goes.

Say goodnight George

March 9, 1996
Nathan Birnbaum, the comedian Gracie Allen carried around for years, forgot to have his daily martini and died on this date.



Kids, let this be a lesson to us all - not only does alcohol taste good, it's good for you - even if you are 100 years old.


Today in History -
March 9, 1170 -
In Essex, a UFO is spotted over St. Ostwyth, manifesting itself as a "wonderfully large dragon ... borne up from the Earth through the air". The craft kindled the air and destroyed a house.



And all of that was before LSD.


March 9, 1454 -
Amerigo Vespucci was born. He was an Italian explorer who made many voyages to the new world at about the same time as Columbus.



The two continents of the new world were therefore named for him, and it wasn't until the seventeenth century (Greenwich time) that North and South Vespucci were renamed the Americas.


March 9, 1556 -
David Rizzio, the secretary to Mary, Queen of Scots, is stabbed 56 times by a gaggle of Scottish nobles. Her husband Henry Lord Darnley had orchestrated the murder with Mary witnessing, hoping to precipitate a miscarriage.



Isn't love among the royalty grand?


March 9, 1954 -
"No one familiar with the history of his country can deny that Congressional committees are useful. It is necessary to investigate before legislating. But the line between investigating and persecuting is a very fine one, and the junior senator from Wisconsin has stepped over it repeatedly."



Edward R. Murrow, cigarette smoking, gin drinking reporter takes on the cigarette smoking, whiskey drinking junior senator and demigogue from Minnesota, Joseph McCarthy and the Red Scare hysteria on his program, See It Now .

Besides being arguably television's finest hour, it clearly demonstrates the powers of gin.


March 9, 1967 -
Josef Stalin's daughter, Svetlana Alliluyeva, walks into the U.S. Embassy at New Delhi and asks to defect.



Isn't parental love grand?


March 9, 1997 -
Notorious B.I.G. (Christopher Wallace) killed in a drive-by outside the Soul Train Music Awards in Los Angeles. The murder has never been officially solved, though an ongoing feud with Death Row Records may have had something to do with it.



Are we lucky that most of us aren't hip hop stars.



And so it goes

Did you remember ...

to set your clocks ahead late night?


March 8, 1945
George Michael Dolenz, Jr., actor, musician, director and circus boy was born on this date.




Here is your Today in History -
International Women's Day is March 8. That also happens to be the birthday of Kathy Ireland (born in 1963), best known for looking really good when half-naked.



Kathy is not the daughter of Patricia Ireland, former president of the National Organization of Women, because there was already enough irony in the world at the time of her birth.

March 8, 1933 -
42nd Street, the quintessential backstage musical is released on this date (or on the 9th or 11th - does it really matter.)



Remember Sawyer, you're going out there a youngster, but you've got to come back a star!


On March 8, 1950, the Soviet Union announced that it had possession of the atomic bomb.



This baffled the western powers, who were sure they had left it somewhere safe. 33 years later, on this date, the ever swift President Ronald Reagan gets around to calling the Soviets, "an evil empire".


March 8, 1959 -
The apex of the golden age of Television was achieved on this date when Groucho, Chico and Harpo make their final TV appearance together.



It was all down hill from here.


March 8, 1968 -
The Soviet submarine, K-129, sinks in the Pacific Ocean, killing all 97 crewmembers aboard. Later in the year a U.S. submarine secretly retrieves an encryption machine, codebooks, and nuclear warheads from the Soviet vessel.



A further bold attempt is made in 1974 to bring up the entire submarine using the CIA ship Glomar Explorer, built by Howard Hughes. That mission supposedly fails, and is made public by the Los Angeles Times to the great embarrassment of the Agency.

March 8, 1969 -
It's the silliest party of the year ... and you're all invited!



Mad Monster Party is released by Embassy Pictures for Rankin/Bass Productions, Inc on this date.

March 8, 1999 -
Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.



And did you leave your Mr. Coffee machine on?


And so it goes.

As you pass GO, collect $200.00 salary.

The Monopoly board game is 86 years old today. Thank your rich Uncle Pennybags.



(Quite truthfully, the history of the Monopoly game is so complicated, for legal reasons, just go with this date, don't ask about Elizabeth Magie's 'The Landlord Game' and March 23, 1903).


March 7, 1945 -
Gen. George Patton urinates in the Rhine after the U.S. Third Army takes the bridge at Remagen.



So remember, you can't slap a soldier for cowardice but you can piss in your enemy's river.


Mar 7 1988 -
Transvestite actress Divine, who appeared in several John Waters films, dead from sleep apnea. Divine was about to join the cast of 'Married with Children when she unexpected died.



The producers of 'Married With Children' sent flowers to the funeral, along with a humorous card that read, "If you didn't want to do the show, you could have just SAID something!"


The Crazy Mixed-Up Russian Revolution
Mar. 7 - Russia's 1917 February Revolution began on March 7, which was then the middle of February, in the city of St. Petersburg, which was then Petrograd, in what was then Russia, but would soon be the Soviet Union.

Tsar (or Czar) Nicholas II of the Romanov (or Romanoff) line had been away from St. Petersburg (or Petrograd) most of the winter, leading his army against the German Empire's Eastern Front (or Russia's Western Front).



Russia's peasants and workers had become exhausted by the war and its attendant famine and were exasperated by the Tsarina's indifference to their suffering. They were furious with the government, which had become two governments and therefore twice as bad. And they were tired of all this nonsense about March being February, St. Petersburg being Petrograd, the Czar being Tsar, and all those crazy, mixed-up fronts.

In short, the peasants were revolting. And so these poor bastards began a series of riots and strikes that eventually led to what is now known as the February Revolution.

With her usual delicate touch, the Tsarina tried to assuage the rioters by having them shot, but her soldiers refused to fire on the crowds. She therefore ordered the soldiers to shoot themselves and was disobeyed again.



It was a bleak moment for the House of Romanov, which like most monarchies had endured through the centuries largely as a result of its soldiers' willingness to shoot people.


On March 7, 1918 the Bolsheviks changed their name to the Russian Communist Party.



Bolsheviks is Russian for majority, as opposed to Mensheviks, which means minority. The Mensheviks, however, were in fact the majority party in 1918, and the Bolsheviks the minority, so the name change helped ease the work of journalists, who had become so confused they'd begun writing stories about children and ducks.


And so it goes.

Happy Dentists' Day

Dr. John Greenwood, George Washington's personal dentist, constructed the first 'dental foot engine' 0n this date in 1790.



He adapts his mother’s foot treadle spinning wheel to rotate a drill.


Today in History -
Michelangelo Buonarotti was born on this date in 1475. He painted and sculpted so much that people finally decided it was time to stop procrastinating and have the Renaissance.



So they did.

On March 6, 1619, Cyrano de Bergerac was born. Mr. de Bergerac was a brilliant French satirist and playwright, a rapier wit, and, from all contemporary accounts, an accomplished musician, an enthralling conversationalist, and a charming ladies' man.



He is best known for his nose.

March 6, 1836 -
Davey, Davey Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier. The Alamo seized by Santa Ana, 3,000 versus 147 not being a fair fight. The holdouts sufferered unnecessary deaths, disobeying direct orders by remaining, and losing their arms and cannon to the Mexicans. Davy, Pioneer, Patriot, Soldier, Trapper, Explorer, State Legislator, Congressman was one of the last holdouts died on this day.



Remember the Alamo


March 6, 1965 -
Remember, you're defending this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did!

Margaret Dumont, Groucho's favorite comic foil, died on this date.



Although Groucho used to tell people that Dumont rarely understood the humor of their scenes together and would ask him, "Why are they laughing, Julie?" - Groucho had a deep affection and respect for her, privately calling her "practically the fifth Marx brother".


March 6, 1981 -
After 19 years presenting the CBS Evening News, Uncle Walter Cronkite, the most trusted man in America, signs off for the last time.




And so it goes.

Kevin

Here's the reason you feel that little shiver down your spine

March 5, 1978 -
Mae West final film, Sextette is released on this date.



It's just so wrong on so many levels.


Letterman carried this story on Monday during his small town news segment (unbeknownst to him, the reporter has recently been laid off.)

Man found in public bathroom with blow-up doll gets arrested
The Gazette - Alicia Ebaugh


A Cedar Rapids man was arrested Wednesday afternoon after police said he was found in a compromising position with an inflatable doll in a public restroom.

At 12:47 p.m., Craig S. McCullough, 47, 828 Eighth Ave. SW, was found lying on the floor in a bathroom inside the Hach building, 401 First St. Se, by a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent, according to the official complaint filed against him.

According to the criminal complaint, the man had his pants down “lying next to an anatomically correct inflatable doll.”

I had to dedicate this great Roxy Music song to Mr. McCullough -





Here is your Today in History -
The Boston Massacre was the killing of five civilians by British troops on March 5, 1770 and its legal aftermath, which helped start the American Revolutionary War. Colonists were already resenting the Townsend Acts, a very early WHO album. Tensions caused by the heavy military presence in Boston led to brawls between soldiers and civilians, and eventually to troops shooting their muskets into a riotous crowd. Among the five killed was an African American sailor, Crispus Attucks.



SO you can see, the tradition of killing innocent black men in American is older than the Republic.


It was on this day in 1933 that Germany went on a 12 year drinking binge - the Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German parliamentary elections, enabling it to join with the Nationalists to gain a slight majority in the Reichstag.
Adolf, Evil Bastard, Hitler had become chairman of the Nazi party in 1921, and two years later he tried to topple the German republican government in the "beer-hall putsch." Nazi storm troopers surrounded government officials during a meeting at a beer hall in Munich. The troopers forced the officials to swear allegiance to the Nazi revolution. But the coup was defeated and Hitler fled, then he was captured and imprisoned. While in prison, Hitler dictated his autobiography Mein Kampf (or, in English, "I'm Crazy and I'm Gonna Kill You" or "How I Intend to Enslave or Kill Millions of People Immediately Upon My Release") to a sympathetic scribe, and the book became important to Nazism.



The failed coup made Hitler famous ( he already began selling the cryptic t-shirt 'World Tour 1939 - 1945'), and the Nazi party capitalized on the economic depression of 1929, as well as the heavy reparations Germany was made to pay for World War I, and they became a powerful force in Germany. In 1932, Hitler ran for president of Germany, but lost. The next year, he became the chancellor. Just before the parliamentary elections in 1933, the Reichstag building was set on fire, which led to the Reichstag Fire Decree, which rescinded habeas corpus and other protective laws.



The following week, March 5, 1933, the Nazi Party won a slight majority in the elections. Within three weeks, the Nazi-dominated Reichstag passed the Enabling Act, which gave Hitler dictatorial powers and ended the Weimar Republic in Germany.



If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, 'beer, Bavarians and the ballot do not mix'.


It was on this date in 1946, in a speech at Fulton, Missouri, that Winston Churchill made his famous observation that, "From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic, an Iron Curtain has descended across the continent."



The speech was not well received at first, as the people of Fulton weren't sure which continent he was talking about and they didn't care what sort of drapes were fashionable in foreign parts.


Bizarre ironies of History -
On March 1, 1953, after an all-night dinner with interior minister Lavrenty Beria and future premiers Georgi Malenkov, Nikolai Bulganin and Nikita Khrushchev, Josif Stalin, truly Evil Bastard, did not emerge from his room the next day, having probably suffered a stroke that paralyzed the right side of his body.



Although his guards thought it odd that he did not rise at his usual time, the next day they were under orders not to disturb him and he was not discovered until that evening. He died four days later, on March 5, 1953, at the age of 74, and was buried on March 9. His daughter Svetlana recalls the scene as she stood by his death bed "He suddenly opened his eyes and cast a glance over everyone in the room. It was a terrible glance. Then something incomprehensible and awesome happened. He suddenly lifted his left hand as though he were pointing to something above and bringing down a curse upon all of us. The next moment after a final effort the spirit wrenched its self free of the flesh." Officially, the cause of death was listed as a cerebral hemorrhage. Khrushchev wrote in his memoirs that Beria had, immediately after the stroke, gone about "spewing hatred against [Stalin] and mocking him", and then, when Stalin showed signs of consciousness, dropped to his knees and kissed his hand. When Stalin fell unconscious again, Beria immediately stood and spat.



His body was preserved in Lenin's Mausoleum until October 31, 1961, when his body was removed from the Mausoleum and buried next to the Kremlin walls as part of the process of de-Stalinization.


The famed Russian composer Sergei Prokofiev lived in dread fear of getting on the wrong side of Stalin. Always looking to appease the Evil Bastard, he died at the age of 61 from a cerebral hemorrhage on 5 March 1953 (the same day and even hour and cause that Communist Party leader Joseph Stalin died). Prokofiev had lived near the Red Square and for three days the throngs gathered to mourn Stalin made it impossible to carry Prokofiev's body out for the funeral service at the headquarters of the Soviet Composer's Union. Paper flowers and a taped recording of the funeral march from his Romeo and Juliet had to be used, as all real flowers and musicians were reserved for Stalin's funeral.




Herman J. Mankiewicz, producer and alcoholic screenwriter, best known for his collaboration with Orson Welles on the screenplay of Citizen Kane, for which they both won an Academy Award and famously clashed over credit, died of uremia poisoning in Hollywood, CA on March 5, 1953, the same day as Joseph Stalin and Sergei Prokofiev.




March 5, 1963
Virginia Patterson Hensley (Patsy Cline), country music singer has an unfortunate close enounter with an airplane on this date.




March 5, 1982 -
John Belushi found dead at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood from a cocaine and heroin overdose. A sketchy woman, Cathy Smith, is later charged with administering the fatal injections.



Sorry but there was really nothing funny about that - it was just a waste.

March 5, 1989 -
Darwin Award nominee Michael Anderson Godwin, previously on death row for murder but with sentence commuted to life imprisonment, dies in a toilet-related accident at the Central Correctional Institution in South Carolina. Godwin, sitting on a stainless steel toilet, bit into headphone wires that were connected to his television. He was immediately electrocuted.



[Moral: use a porcelain toilet. And eat more fiber.]

And so it goes.

It's a red letter day today.

I say it every year but today is my favorite day - March 4th - the day that tells you to do something.

March 4, 1950 -
The Scarlet Pumpernickel, the classic cartoon in which Daffy plays himself as an actor tired of comedy roles so he pitches J.L. a script called "The Scarlet Pumpernickel" was released on this date.



Please, for your own sake, stop eating or drinking while watching this cartoon, you may injury yourself. Also looking for the rising price of kreplach.


Here is your Today in History -
March 4, 1837 -
The "Windy City", "Chi-Town", "Second City," and the "City of Broad Shoulders" - Chicago becomes incorporated as a city.



10,000 extra votes from various local cemetaries were counted that day alone. Remember, vote early, vote often.

March 4, 1861 -
The first official flag of the Confederate States of America, called the "Stars and Bars", having seven stars, for the seven states that initially formed the Confederacy, is formally adopted as the flag of the Confederate States of America.



This flag was sometimes difficult to distinguish from the Union flag under battle conditions, so the flag was changed to the "Stainless Banner." The union of the Stainless Banner, known as the "Southern Cross", became the one more commonly used in military operations. The Southern Cross had 13 stars, adding the four states that joined the Confederacy after Fort Sumter, and the two divided states of Kentucky and Missouri.

While, the Southern states were adopting their banner, Abraham Lincoln was inaugurated as the 16th President of the United States on this date as well.

So now you know.


March 4, 1952 -
Ronald Reagan marries his 'mommy' Nancy Davis.




March 4, 1960 -
Waaaa, Ricky I don't want to be married anymore to you, you lousy two bit band leader.



Lucille Ball files divorce from Desi Arnaz


March 4, 1966 -
John Lennon claims that The Beatles are "more popular than Jesus", and that "Christianity will... vanish and shrink".



I guess he was wrong about that.


March 4, 1969 -
From the loins of Cher, springs forth Chastity Bono today.



Now if that image doesn't make you sick, nothing will.


March 4, 1994 -
Comedian John Candy dies



Stuffed cabbage and hot coffe for everybody!!!


And so it goes

It's National Square Root Day

Today's date is 3/3/09, so 3 is the square root of 9 and ... oh, never mind.

Enjoy it today because it doesn't come around again until 4/4/16.

The first issue of Time was published on March 3, 1923, featuring on its cover Joseph G. Cannon, the retired Speaker of the United States House of Representatives



It has been suggested that TIME is an acronym, for The International Magazine of Events.


Here is your Today in History -
Russian Serfdom was abolished on this date in 1861.

The Russian serf lived a hopeless life of back-breaking labor and desperate poverty. Their oppression, which continued even after their liberation, caused riots, assassinations, and literature. Finally they had the Bolshevik Revolution in 1917 to make the serfs equal to everyone else, and it worked.

From that point forward, everyone lived a hopeless life of back-breaking labor and desperate poverty.



The American surfdom can only be blamed for the Beach Boys and Annette Funicello.


March 3, 1863 -
The National Conscription Act is signed, forcing all men between 20 and 45 years of age into the draft lotteries. Except for rich bastards, who could buy their way out for $300, or hire another man to serve in his place.



The inevitable result is the week long New York Draft Riots.


March 3, 1931 -
An English beer drinking song becomes the National Anthem of the United States. The lyrics to said drink song are -

To Anacreon in heaven where he sat in full glee,
A few sons of harmony sent a petition,
That he their inspirer and patron would be,
When this answer arrived from the jolly old Grecian:
Voice, fiddle aud flute, no longer be mute,
I'll lend you my name and inspire you to boot!
And besides I'll instruct you like me to entwine
The myrtle of Venus and Bacchus's vine.

I believe drinking heavily is the key here.



I'm not sure if the spitting was in the original version of the anthem.


March 3, 1934 -
John Dillinger escapes from an escapeproof jail in Crown Point Indiana, using a wooden pistol he carved himself. It's his second escape.



Remember, J. Edger is just months away from slicing up the corpse of Dillinger for his own personal collection.


March 3, 1959 -
An embittered and confused Lou Costello rouses himself from his hospital bed to mutter, "Fuck you Abbott, Who's on first now", coughs up bloody phlegm and dies.



Bud Abbott, ten years older than Lou, smiles to himself, lights a cigars and live another 15 years to spite his former partner.



March 3, 1967 -
The Berkeley Barb reported on this date that banana peels can make you high.



Apparently lots of people can be fooled into thinking that the resulting "bananadine" extract is a hallucinogenic Mellow Yellow.



March 3, 1991 -
Los Angles Police officers are filmed beating black motorist Rodney King with nightsticks. Television news stations repeatedly air the film nationwide.



Four whites are charged with the beating on March 15, and when they are found not guilty, Los Angeles erupts in riot.


And so it goes.