Thursday, May 21, 2020

Stop thinking about me

Other things to occupy your mind with other than COVID-19 - Quit touching yourself!

A small study, performed in 2008 in California on ten persons being recorded performing everyday office tasks, showed that they were on average touching their face 15.7 times an hour. If we exclude the usual sleeping time of 8 hours, we touch ourselves about 250 times a day during waking hours.

Ok bunkies, I'm not going to lie to you, this is a tough one to understand.  The old ladies in the back of church, dutifully saying their decades of rosaries, will explain it to you but you'll either get it or not, today is Ascension Thursday. 40 days after Jesus rose from the death on Easter Sunday, his corporal body ascends into Heaven. 10 days later, his (the Holy Spirit) spirit comes back for a visit on Pentecost Sunday.

While Springsteen is right, It's hard to be a saint in the city - it's damned near impossible to understand theological canon. (You damn kids today, with your quarantine, don't have to go to church. Think of all those old ladies with their rosaries at the ready, pining to have their asses in a pew.)

May 21, 1969 -
released the science fiction B-movie The Green Slime to U.S. theaters on this date.

This was the first film ever to be featured on the TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000. An edited version of the film appeared on the show's never-aired pilot episode.

May 21, 1980 -
George Lucas
didn't have enough money (the first time). He produces a sequel to his highly successful Star Wars, which somehow is Part V (don't ask or someone will go to great lengths to explain it all to you.)

The Empire Strikes Back premiered on this date.

The film contains, arguably the most shocking revelation - right next to what Rosebud was or Who actually is Keyser Söze?

May 21, 1983 -
David Bowie
, with guitar work courtesy of Stevie Ray Vaughan reached the top of the Billboard Hot 100 Singles Chart with Let’s Dance, which stayed on top for one week.

On the surface, this song is about dancing with a lover, but according to Nile Rodgers, there's a deeper meaning. He told Mojo: "When David wrote those lyrics, he was talking about the dance that people do in life; the conceptual dance of not being honest. He sings, 'put on your red shoes and dance the blues.' Like you're pretending to be happy but you're sad."

May 21, 1987  -
The series, The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd, starred Blair Brown premiered on NBC-TV on this date.

This is the first sitcom that from its original conception did not have an studio audience and did not have a laugh track. This was very precedent setting and would set the stage for shows like Arrested Development, Malcom in the Middle, The Simpsons, South Park and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

May 21, 1990 -
The last episode of Newhart aired on CBS-TV on this date.

After the 7th season, Bob Newhart decided the 8th season would be the final season for the show. When he told his wife Ginny Newhart of his decision, she suggested that for the final episode, his character should wake up in bed next to Suzanne Pleshette, and that the series should be a dream.

May 21, 1992 -
Bette Midler
, the last scheduled guest, sang a touching impromptu duet with Johnny Carson, on the Tonight Show, on this date. (This was the apex of TV. It hasn't gotten any better than this.)

This penultimate show was immediately recognized as a television classic, and Midler would win an Emmy Award for her role in it.

Today's Bedtime Story from ACME

Today in History:
May 21, 427BC
  (Obviously is date is merely a best guess; the classical Greeks, at the time, were too busy improving the art of sodomy to bother with perfecting the calendar.)

The Greek philosopher Plato was born on this date.

It was on this date in 1471 that King Henry VI of England was murdered in the Tower of London, concluding Part III of his reign.

Edward IV assumed the throne as the world eagerly awaited Richard III and the dramatic conclusion of the War of the Roses.

May 21, 1904 -
... This is so nice, it must be illegal.

Thomas Wright (Fats) Waller, jazz pianist, organist, composer and entertainer, was born on this date.

May 21, 1917 -
One of the World's Greatest Actors, Raymond Burr was born on this date.

In celebration, may I suggest purchasing a small container of the fabulous nipple rouge bearing this man's name. This year, 'Blushing Bride'.

May 21, 1924 -
Chicago teenagers interrupted their daily sodomy practice and attempted to commit the perfect crime just for the thrill of it.

Nathan Leopold and Richard Loeb kidnapped 14-year-old Bobby Franks, bludgeoned him to death in a rented car, and then dumped Franks' body in a distant drainage ditch.

They didn't get away with it.

May 21,1927 -
Charles Lindbergh
, American aviator, author, inventor, explorer, racist, Neo-Nazi, Isolationist and serial philanderer became the first man to fly alone across the Atlantic Ocean, on this date.

Exactly five years later Amelia Earhart became the first woman to do it, on this day as well.

This was an impressive step for feminism, and she did it without a bathroom break.

May 21, 1952 -
Mr. T was born in the ghetto, on this date.

And his mama cried.

May 21, 1972
A deranged Australian geologist took a hammer on this date, to Michelangelo's Pieta, shouting "I am Jesus Christ -- risen from the dead!"

Laszlo Toth was never charged with any crime, instead receiving a free trip to an Italian insane asylum. Toth's name is later adopted by comedian and former SNL regular Don Novello (Father Guido Sarducci) for a long series of pranks by mail.

Everybody's a critic.

May 21, 2011
Radio broadcaster/preacher Harold Camping predicted that the world would end on this day. As far as we can tell, it didn’t.

Ever since then, today has been known as Rapture Day, (so you may want to party like it's 1999.)

And so it goes


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