Thursday, July 2, 2015

We're gonna mashed potato to a jukebox tune

We're on our annual vacation at the beach.

This year, Mr Teeny is on the wagon and he's really on edge - don't bother to even get near the general vicinity of our hovel.  Mr Teeny also got a fully armed drone from his dealer at ACME (you don't want to know.)

Once again your teachers have lied to you - Today is actually Independence Day - The US Continental Congress declared independence from Great Britain on this day (in 1776);

the formal Declaration of Independence was approved two days later on July 4.

July 2, 1947 -
An object speculated to be a UFO crashes near Roswell, New Mexico on this date, though the United States Air Force claims it is a weather balloon.

I love a good 'faked' alien footage.

July 2, 1959 -
Ed Wood's greatest opus (not counting Glen or Glenda), Plan 9 from Outer Space, opened on this date.

According to Maila Nurmi, she would put on her Vampira makeup and costume at home and then take a bus to the Quality Studios soundstage where her scenes were filmed.

July 2, 1966 -
The title track of Frank Sinatra's comeback album, Strangers in the Night reached the number one spot (on this date) on the Billboard charts and marked his return to the top of the pop charts in the mid-'60s.

This is the final album Sinatra performed with long-time arranger/conductor Nelson Riddle and his orchestra.

July 2, 1971 -
Gordon Parks' classic crime-drama Shaft, starring Richard Roundtree, premiered on this date.

The script was rumored to be written as just another detective movie, with a white detective in the lead, but, after the success of Melvin Van Peebles' movie, Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song, the film was rewritten and recast as a blaxploitation movie. This story has been told several times by director Melvin Van Peebles. However, it is probably apocryphal. The Ernest Tidyman novel which was the basis for the film is about a black detective and not a white one.

July 2, 1997 -
Columbia Pictures released the science fiction comedy film Men in Black, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld and starring Tommy Lee Jones, Will Smith, Linda Fiorentino, Vincent D’Onofrio and Rip Torn, on this date.

Actor Vincent D'Onofrio researched his role as Edgar by watching a lot of bug documentaries. In order to achieve his character's distinctive walk, he put on knee braces so he couldn't bend his legs, and taped up his ankles.

Today in History -
One day in the second half of the ninth century, a poor young woman on her way to the market dropped her basket of eggs, breaking all of them.

The young woman knelt on the ground beside the fallen basket and began to weep.

The local bishop had been out for his morning stroll and happened to see the entire episode. He attempted to console the woman, but she was having none of it. Without the eggs, she had nothing to sell at market. Nothing to sell meant no money to sustain her family. Being unable to sustain her family meant, well, what it usually means: degradation, illness, and eventually death. Soothing words from a bishop weren't much help.

The bishop then prayed for her pain to be eased. When he was done praying, the woman looked into her basket and saw that all of the eggs had been made whole.

"Wot's all that about, then?" she asked.

"Tis a sign of God's grace and compassion," the bishop said. "I am but his -"

"God fixed me eggs, what?"

"All things are possible with God," the bishop began, but the poor young woman interrupted again.

"All-powerful God? All-knowing God? I work meself to death eight days to the week, and when he finally comes through with a miracle - it's fixin' me eggs? What about a floor for me hut? What about clothes for me young-uns? What about -"

It is probably not necessary to record the full text of the woman's stirring solecism.

That great religious leader was St. Swithun, who died on this date, in 862 (his feast day in England is celebrated on the 15th of July.)  He was the Bishop of Winchester and royal counselor to kings Egbert and Aethelwulf.

(Yes - the skull cap of the good bishop)

History tells us very little about St Swithun, besides the fact that he died when he did, which is why I bring him up: someone ought to invent a life for the guy. Maybe he was raised by honey badgers. Maybe he was kidnapped by cross-dressing pirates. Maybe he met three witches in the forest and they hailed him as the Thane of Cawdor. Or maybe he fell in love with the beautiful red-headed daughter of a rival landowner and they had a tempestuous love affair before tragedy struck her down and Swithun turned to religion for consolation. Who knows? Nobody.

So make up a St Swithun you can live with.

134 years ago today, Charles J. Guiteau stood up in the lobby of the B&O Railroad Depot in Washington, DC, and yelled, "I am a stalwart and Arthur is President now!" (Maybe it would have sounded less crazy if he said it in Latin - Ego sum a stalwart quod Arthur est Praesieo iam! All future Presidential assassins should take up Latin. ) The event might have passed without notice had Guiteau not been shooting President James Garfield at the time.

A wounded President Garfield lingered for 11 weeks, during which time surgeons attempted to find the bullet which had lodged in his back. The state-of-the-art technology for removing foreign objects from the body was at that time the hand. Dozens of physicians, nurses, and curious hangers-on probed Garfield's wound with their fingers in search of the bullet that had struck him. The inevitable infection of his wound killed him.

Charles Guiteau was hanged on June 30, 1882.

July 2, 1900 -
Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin airship LZ-1, takes the first zeppelin flight over Lake Constance near Friedrichshafen, Germany.

Unfortunately Zeppelin travel never really took off; he did not offer beverage cart service at the time.

Well, that and the whole Hindenburg thing.

July 2, 1937 -
Attempting to become the first female pilot to circumnavigate the globe in an airplane, Amelia Earhart disappeared over the Pacific with her drunken navigator, Fred Noonan, on this date. (Apparently drunkenness is a prerequisite to fly with aviation heroes.)

She still holds the record for a spouse going out for a carton of milk and not returning.

54 years ago today Ernest Hemingway blew his brains out at his home in Ketchum, Idaho. Hemingway was a writer. He was also a man. He knew things about being a man. He also knew things about trying to be a man.

He wrote about them, those things. He wrote love stories and stories about fishermen and soldiers. He liked to write. And in the end he blew his brains out. Maybe that means something. Maybe it doesn't. Either way, don't bother asking for whom the bell tolled.

It wasn't for you.

On this date in 1964, President Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act, prohibiting racial discrimination.

The way Congress treats the President is proof that America has remained a paragon of racial harmony to this very day.

July 2, 1982 -
Larry Walters, a truck driver, using 45 helium filled weather balloons to lift him and his lawn chair three miles high on this date. He later was barely able to control his descent using a BB gun shooting holes in balloons when he accidentally dropped his pellet gun overboard. Walters then slowly descended back down to the ground.

He landed in a residential neighborhood in Long Beach where got tangled in some power lines, causing a 20 minute power blackout. Walters was able to climb to the ground.

And so it goes.

We may have limited internet access - we'll see.

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