Thursday, March 15, 2012

It's so good, you'll get stronger just watching it

And now a commercial for Vytautas Mineral Water. It's Earth's Juice! (Please note - as so many good things in life do - this clip contains naughty words. So does much of the work of Shakespeare, James Joyce, Norman Mailer and Allen Ginsberg. If the world can survive hearing them, you can survive watching this clip - otherwise skip it.)

In case you prefer your commercial breaks in Lithuanian, here you go:

I want Vytautas Mineral Water to become the official mineral water of Dr. Caligari's Cabinet.

Lest We Forget

Milton "Gummo" Marx

Tip of the day:
It's a bad day for Italian men in short dresses who are going to the Senate today.

So please, all you paisans, wear something sensible, perhaps a midcalf skirt or a pants suit.

March 15, 1941 -
The first of three appearances of Cecil Turtle, Tortoise Beats Hare, premiered on this date.

Cecil is one of the very few characters who was actually able to beat, Bugs Bunny and the only one to do so three times in a row and at the rabbit's own game.

March 15, 1946 -
Columbia Pictures released Charles Vidor's film-noir classic, Gilda, starring Rita Hayworth and Glen Ford on this date.

In the scene where Rita Hayworth slaps Glen Ford hard across both sides of his face, her smacks broke two of Ford's teeth. He held his place until the take was finished.

March 15, 1956 -
The landmark science-fiction film, (think The Tempest in Outer Space) Forbidden Planet, premiered on this date.

This film marked one of the first times a science fiction project had received a large budget. The genre had rarely been taken seriously by studio executives, and had generally received the most meager of budgets. The critical success of this film convinced many in the film industry that well-funded science fiction projects could be successful.

March 15,1972 -
The greatest film ever about pasta sauce making and risk aversion management, The Godfather, premiered in New York City on this date.

During rehearsals, a false horse's head was used for the bedroom scene. For the actual shot, a real horse's head was used, acquired from a dog-food factory. According to John Marley, his scream of horror was real as he was not informed that a real head was going to be used.

Today in History:
March 15, 44 BC -
Julius Caesar, already warned to be wary on this the Ides of March by the astrologer Spurinna, was assassinated with pointy knives by a group of Senators, including Brutus and Cassius, at the Pompey theater. They were angry at him because he had crossed the Rubicon. Later Marc Antony borrowed everyone's ears and told them that Brutus was an honorable man, which upset them so much they had a Civil War.

Sixteen centuries later, more or less, William Shakespeare immortalized the story and eventually Marlon Brando got to play Marc Antony, so everyone was happy in the end.

Caesar is also celebrated because he wrote a famous book called The Garlic Wars, which begins with the famous line, All garlic is divided into three cloves. It also includes the line - veni, vidi, vinci, the exact meaning of which is still a matter of debate but, if my own Latin studies are worth anything, probably involves Druids and hollandaise sauce.

March 15, 1812 -
Luddites attack Frank Vickerman's wool processing factory at Taylor Hill in West Yorkshire, resulting in general destruction and attempted arson.

The rampaging Luddites were incensed because his machines replaced workers, but Vickerman was primarily targeted because of involvement in an Anti-Luddite committee.

So now you know more about luddites than you thought you ever would (remember, smash the iPhones.)

Today's episode of Oh, that Wacky Russian Revolution:
At two o'clock in the morning on March 15, 1917 the Tsar sent word to Petrograd that he was awfully sorry about the war and starvation and everything, but that he had some really good ideas about what they could do now, was looking forward to working with them, believed that healthy debate was a symptom of good government, and so on.

The new government (which had recently moved to Moscow) told him to blow it out his ass.

And so at three o'clock in the afternoon, Nicholas abdicated in favor of his son (who had measles).

The new government told him and his son to blow it out their asses.

At 11:15 pm, Nicholas signed a proclamation that both he and his son (who had measles) would abdicate in favor of his brother, the Grand Duke Mikhail.

The next day, the new government told Nicholas, his son (who had measles), and the Grand Duke Mikhail to blow it out their asses. (It seems that they were anally fixated.)

And so it goes.

Oh before I let you go, here's Christopher Walken reading, Where The Wild Things Are:

Yeah I know it's not him - but even the thought of it is enough to make life worth living another day.

No comments: