There are no winners when corned beef and cabbage farts are involved.

The Feast Day of St. Patrick is celebrated on March 17.



St. Patrick is considered the father of Celtic Christianity. He founded more than three hundred churches, drove the snakes out of Ireland, invented green beer, and coined the popular slogan, Kiss me, I'm Irish.

The Citizenry of Chicago is encouraged to drink cheap green beer early and often before St. Patrick's Day so the Chicago River can be dyed with their vomit.


   
I find few things more scenic than 40 tons of green dye dumped in a river of raw sewage



I'm pretty sure that St. Patrick would be horrified by St. Patrick's Day.


March 17, 1756 -
St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City for the first time (at the Crown and Thistle Tavern). The patrons finally sober up and six years later, the celebration evolves into a parade (the first in NYC) and the St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York City is the largest celebration of the holiday in the world (drawn more revelers than any parade for the holiday in the whole of Ireland.)


March 17, 1958 -
The song Tequila by the Champs was number one on the music charts on this date.



Danny Flores, who was the saxophone player in The Champs, wrote this song (it's credited to his pen name, Chuck Rio). Flores had the melody kicking around for a while, and would play it as an interlude during the group's club shows.


March 17, 1972 -
John Water presented Divine to an unsuspecting world: Pink Flamingos, premiered in Baltimore on this date.




The dog feces in the infamous final scene are real. According to director John Waters, the dog was fed steak for three days beforehand.


Today in History:
March 17, 965 -
Pope Leo VIII died of a stroke during sexual congress with a prostitute on this date.

Perhaps a fine way for a man to die, but not a very appropriate choice for the Bishop of Rome. (it's OK if you hum to yourself, Back in the saddle again.)


March 17, 1845 -
Stephen Perry and Thomas Barnabas Daft, British inventors and businessmen patented the rubber band on this day.

They conceived of the device after experimentally slicing up rubber bottles that had been manufactured by South and Central America natives and brought to England by sailors. Other regional names for the rubber band include a binder, a laggy band, an elastic, and a gum band.


March 17, 1884 -
John Joseph Montgomery made the first manned, controlled, heavier than air flight in a glider he built. Although not publicized at the time, this flight was first described by Montgomery as part of a lecture delivered at the Conference on Aerial Navigation at Chicago, 1893 and published by Octave Chanute in Progress in Flying Machines.



While Montgomery himself never claimed firsts, his flight experiments of the 1880s are considered by several historians and organizations to have been the first controlled flights in America, or in the Western Hemisphere depending on source. After a crash destroyed his glider in 1886, Montgomery abandoned aviation, but then took it up again in 1903.


March 17, 1905 -
Anna Eleanor Roosevelt, niece of President Theodore Roosevelt, married her fifth cousin, Franklin Delano Roosevelt in New York on this date.

Apparently, Roosevelt confuses himself with British Royalty by marrying his distant relative.  FDR jokes with friends that, "Only on St. Patrick's Day can you marry your cousin".


March 17, 1919 -
Nathaniel Adams Coles, the premiere singer and jazz pianist was born on this date.



Cole's popularity allowed him to become the first African American to host a network variety program, The Nat King Cole Show, which debuted on NBC television in 1956. The show fell victim to the bigotry of the times, however, and was canceled after one season; few sponsors were willing to be associated with a black entertainer.


March 17, 1939 -
After German troops crossed the Czech border, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain threw all his years of careful diplomacy out the window and accused Adolf Hitler of breaking his word.

He instantly regretted having let these angry words slip, however, and subsequently resigned.


March 17, 1941 -
President Franklin D. Roosevelt opened the National Gallery of Art to the public, on this date. The National Gallery of Art was to become known as one of the best museums in the world. Its collection of more than 130,000 paintings, drawings, prints, photographs, sculpture, decorative arts, and furniture pieces.



At the time of its inception it was the largest marble structure in the world. The museum stands on the former site of the Baltimore and Potomac Railroad station, most famous for being where 20th president James Garfield was shot in 1881 by Charles Guiteau.


March 17, 1942 -
John Wayne Gacy, part time clown, serial killer, and sodomizer of dozens of boys, was born in Chicago on this date. His father was convinced Gacy was a "sissy", but friends and family didn't really suspect anything untoward was afoot until his 1968 arrest for coercing a teenage boy employee into committing multiple homosexual acts.

It's always a clue.


March 17, 1966 -
A U.S. midget submarine, the Alvin, located a missing hydrogen bomb which had fallen from an American bomber into the Mediterranean off Spain on this date. Oops. Most famously, the Alvin was involved in the exploration of the wreckage of RMS Titanic in 1986. Launched from her support ship RV Atlantis II, she carried Dr. Robert Ballard and two companions to the wreckage of the great liner. RMS Titanic sank while attempting to transit the North Atlantic Ocean, after striking a large iceberg in 1912.

Alvin, accompanied by a small remotely operated vehicle (ROV) named Jason Jr., was able to conduct detailed photographic surveys and inspections of the Titanic's wreckage. Many of the photographs of the expedition have been published in the magazine of the National Geographic Society which was a major sponsor of the expedition.


March 17, 1999 -
Six members of the International Olympic Committee are expelled for corruption, all from poor third world countries. They received bribes from Salt Lake City totaling hundreds of thousands of dollars, a practice that had been going on for years.

It should also be noted that the IOC Vice President at the time was named Dick Pound.


March 17, 1960 -
My good friend John (another fraternity brother) was born on this day.

Not to be confused with his cousin, John, who was also born but not on this day.


March 17, 1970 -
My actual fraternal brother was born at Jewish Memorial Hospital in Upper Manhattan on this date.

As was noted at the time, he must be a lucky kid as he was a Puerto Rican baby born in a Jewish Hospital on an Irish holiday.

Happy Birthday guys.



And so it goes.


Before you go - Please watch this Icelandic PSA about prostate cancer awareness featuring mostly unattractive white men twerking, then we need to talk.



The Proctologist put his gloved finger, after a rectal examination, not once, but twice into his mouth.  Talk about the horrors of double dipping.