Let's get right into it

Here is your Today in History (and it's chock full of history today) -


Most Americans know that Martin Luther King, Jr, was born on the third Monday in January, but in our eagerness to celebrate the reverend’s accomplishments, we are overlooking two classic icons of American culture whose birthdays occur in the same week. Unlike the venerable Reverend King, these two figures represent not the American Ideal but the American Reality and, as such, deserve our recognition. Therefore, in the tradition of "President’s Day," that floating amalgation of Lincoln’s and Washington’s birthdays that has at last become a kind of collective presidential birthday, let us choose one day this week to celebrate not only the two individuals whose identities will be revealed in a moment, but everything they represent. Let us take this one day a year to acknowledge all that is great in America, as personified by Charles Nelson Reilly (1/13/31) and Charo (1/15/51).








Why are they important? Because they represent everything magnificent about America in this century, everything grand and glorious about our unique blend of liberty, commercialism, and shiny red sequin dresses. Charles Nelson Reilly made a career out of a weak chin, a few peculiar facial expressions, and a whiney sound that cannot be done justice on paper (but sounded something like "neeyeh!"). It might be said that Charo made her fame the old-fashioned way, by wriggling around in scanty clothes, but then how does one account for the millions of women who’ve shaken their hoochies and shimmied their coochies before and since with nary a guest appearance on "Love Boat?" No, Charo wasn’t simply a titillating nymphet, but a titillating nymphet who yelped and squealed like a bitch in heat. Very well, you say: maybe Charles Nelson Reilly made his fortune off a weak chin and "neeyeh," and maybe Charo made hers off a yelpy squeal, so what? What’s any of this got to do with America? Who cares?


Your humble author cares, and you should care. The important thing isn’t that they made their particular fortunes by means of those particular eccentricities, but that they were ABLE to do so. Our nation is great not because people like Charles Nelson Reilly and Charo succeed here, but because they CAN succeed here. It’s important to support the ideals of liberty and justice and equality before the law, but it’s just as important—nay, perhaps more important—to celebrate the reality that we’re more than Democracy’s standard bearer, more than the defender of oppressed peoples, more than the "last best hope"—we are unbelievably silly! We’re sillier than any other nation on the face of the earth, and it’s time to stop being ashamed. It’s time to stand up for silliness, and that is what I believe


(I only wish Adrienne Barbeau had been born on the same week - it would have been the perfect trifecta.)


On January 15 in 1892, a little magazine in Springfield, Massachusetts, first published the rules for a brand new game that involved tossing a ball into a high-mounted peach basket. This was, of course, the precursor of what is today known as "Peachbasket," still as popular as ever in Springfield, Massachusetts.


January 15, 1919 -
In Boston, an immense storage tank alongside a rum distillery suddenly explodes, producing a flash flood of 2.3 million gallons of sticky molasses. Whole buildings are knocked off their foundations and reduced to rubble by an eight-foot wall of liquid traveling 35 miles per hour. 21 killed and 150 injured as a result of this industrial accident. What a way to go!


On January 15, 1967, the Packers beat the Chiefs in Superbowl I. People keep pointing out that tickets were only ten bucks, but back then ten bucks could also rent a three bedroom apartment for six months.


January 15, 1974 -
America once again, found it's thrill, on Blueberry Hill. The first episode of Happy Days (series) airs. Potsie sets Richie up with that Mary Lou slut. As I'm sure you all remember, the Happy Days Pilot was shown as a segment of Love American Style.





January 15, 1983 -
Meyer Lansky, retired Jewish organized crime genius, Godfather of the Mafia, dead of a fatal nosebleed at Mount Sinai Hospital. It is not clear where Lansky's estimated $300 million fortune went. Once again, what a way to go!



January 15, 1988 -
Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder's racist statements regarding the breeding history of slaves and black athletes costs him his job at CBS.





---WEATHER ALMANAC---
Dhaka, Bangladesh will be unseasonably cold, with strong winds, heavy precipitation, and cheese.


And so it goes.