Please leave my computer alone.

April 26, 1452 -
Leonardo da Vinci was born on this date. Mr. da Vinci was one of the great minds of the Renaissance. Sadly, he is best known for having painted the "Mona Lisa" (in Italian, "La Joconde,"), in which he accurately and exquisitely captured the unmistakable smile of a dignified woman who's just farted.



For some reason, many lonely computer geeks celebrate this day by releasing computer virii in hopes that female FBI agents will break down their doors.




Today in History:
On April 26, 1923, the Duke of York married Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon in Westminster Abbey, (This wedding might have slipped into the ephemeria of time had the Duke's brother not wanted to marry a woman reported so ugly, many thought her a man in drag. And calling a woman ugly in England is really saying something, as many of the British upper crush often marry their horses out of confusion.) That's British royalty.



Count Basie died on April 26, 1984; Duke Ellington was born on April 29, 1899; Ella Fitzgerald, the "First Lady of Song," was born on April 25, 1918.

That's American royalty.


April 26, 1865 -
Discovered hiding in a farmer's tobacco shed, John Wilkes Booth is shot in the neck by a complete lunatic. Dying and paralyzed from the neck down, he whispers: "Tell my mother I did it for my country."



As his hands are held up to his face, Booth mutters "useless...useless..." They are his last words.


April 26, 1933 -
Hermann Goering founds the Geheime Staatspolizei, otherwise known as the Gestapo.

Banned Cartoons - Bugs Bunny - Herr Meets Hare


The original purpose of this "Secret State Police" is to disrupt and harass opponents of National Socialism, but it will later come to adopt many additional responsibilities.

April 26, 1954 -
Godzilla debuted in American :



With the ashes of World War II only recently cooled, Japan is plagued by a sudden wave of maritime disasters: Without warning, ships are exploding into flame and sinking beneath the waves. The few survivors are able to shed little light on the situation, as they quickly die from radiation and strange burns. (Hmmm, sound familiar) A group of investigators, including prominent paleontologist Dr. Yamane and American reporter Steve Martin, are sent to Odo Island to investigate. The natives warn that the ships are being destroyed by Gojira (Godzilla), a legendary monster. These claims are verified when a gigantic, dinosaur-like creature comes ashore and demolishes the native village. Dr. Yamane concludes that Godzilla is a prehistoric creature that has been awakened and mutated by atomic bomb tests. It's just the same conclusion you'd come to having just seen the ruins of a Japanese fishing village.



The military decides to use depth charges on the monster. However, the attack is unsuccessful, and Godzilla follows the ships back to Tokyo Bay. (Again, probably just what you would do - annoy a giant radioactive monster.) Coming ashore at night, Godzilla razes Tokyo. The destruction left in his wake is comparable to an atomic bomb. Military firepower proves useless against the monster. It is feared that Godzilla will continue to lay waste to the cities of Japan, and perhaps the entire world.

It is up to Emiko Yamane (Dr. Yamane’s daughter) to convince her former fiancé, Dr. Serizawa, to use his Oxygen Destroyer against Godzilla. Serizawa is skeptical; he fears that this terrible device might be more dangerous than the monster. However, he finally decides to make the ultimate sacrifice to rid the world of Godzilla. So here in a nutshell, you have the greatest fever dream movie ever re-edited - a very good Sci-Fi film intercut with Raymond Burr, the undisputed king of deadpan delivery.



Remember -- don't panic, be deadpan!


April 26, 1986 -
44 seconds into a late-night experiment at the Chernobyl nuclear power station, reactor number four sustains two large explosions. A plume of dangerous radioactivity looms three kilometers high, making it the worst catastrophe in the history of nuclear power.



The Soviet news agency TASS holds off reporting the incident for almost 48 hours.


And so it goes

Get Out

and enjoy this beautiful day!


April 25, 1917 –
Ella Jane Fitzgerald, the First Lady of Song, considered one of the most influential jazz vocalists of the 20th century, was born on this date.







Singing doesn't get better than this.


Today in History:
April 25, 1792 -
French highwayman Nicolas Jacques Pelletier is beheaded by the guillotine, after extensive testing during its development with corpses and sheep, making him its first victim. The speed that the guillotine worked was “quick as lightening” and in the twinkling of an eye,” it was over.



The outcome was not well received by the crowd who called for the return of the gallows.


April 25, 1972 -
"And if you covered him with garbage,
George Sanders would still have style...."



George Sanders actor and husband of not one but two Gabor sisters, kills himself leaving this great suicide note, "Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool - good luck."

Short and to the point.


April 25, 1974 -
Jim Morrison's 'widow', Pamela Courson dies of a heroin overdose.




April 25, 1980 -
In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was aborted after mechanical problems disabled three of the eight helicopters involved. During the evacuation, a helicopter and a transport plan collided and exploded. Eight U.S. servicemen were killed.



The mission was aimed at freeing American hostages that had been taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979.


Still as lovely as ever, Andrea once again celebrating her 39th birthday.

And so it goes

Word of the day

Dionysiac ( die-uh-NIS-ee-ak ), [Latin Dionysiacus, from Greek Dionusiakos, from Dionusios.], (adjective) 1. Of or relating to Dionysus, the god of wine and of an orgiastic religion celebrating the power and fertility of nature. Of or relating to Dionysia, ancient Greek festivals held seasonally, chiefly at Athens, in honor of Dionysus. 2. Often dionysiac. Ecstatic or wild; Dionysian.



Keep it in mind

Today in History:
April 24, 1479 BC (this is an approximated date.

Most of the people who could have verified this date were busy smearing olive oil on each other and inventing Greco-Roman wrestling in the nude, so the creation of an accurate calendar wasn't a high priority.



Think Dionysiac)

"Is this the face that launched a thousand ships...?"

Ok kids, here's your quick Lit Hum course.

Once upon a time, a pretty naked Greek girl was lolling around a limpid pool (lots of pretty naked Greek girls were doing that back then) and she saw a beautiful swan.



Before you could said By Zeus, Leda lays an egg and out pops Helen - another pretty naked Greek girl. But Helen wasn't just any pretty naked Greek girl, she was the MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.



So when it was time for Helen to marry (at about 12), literally everyone who was anyone wanted to marry her, including Odysseus(who doesn't marry her but Penelope but that's another story), Menestheus, Ajax the Great, Patroclus and Idomeneus, Agamemnon (who doesn't marry her but her sister, Clytemnestra and lives (or dies) to regret it, but that again is another story). It doesn't hurt to mention at this point that her 'father' was the King of Sparta or the fact that he never noticed that she was hatched from a egg.

Yadda, yadda yadda, Helen marries Menelaus. Yadda, yadda, yadda, three more naked Greek goddesses, handsome naked Greek youth named Paris (how the French got into this story even I can't explain) and a golden apple.



Also, I bet you never realized how much nudity plays into this story. Yadda, yadda yadda, an abduction and a promise extracted - bang zoom, you have the Trojan war. I have just saved you from reading Edith Hamilton's Mythology and the first third of the Iliad.



The Greek siege of Troy had lasted for ten years. The Greeks devised a new ruse: a giant hollow wooden horse. It was built by Epeius and filled with Greek warriors led by Odysseus. Meanwhile, a Greek spy, Sinon, convinced the Trojans that the horse was a gift despite the warnings of Laocoon (who gets to utter the line, "Beware Greeks bearing gifts" moments before being strangled by sea-serpents with his two sons - but that's another story)



and Cassandra (who has the gift of prophecy because of the God Apollo as a token of his love has snakes lick her ears clean but that again is another story) ;



Helen and Deiphobus (who won Helen in a game with his brother after the death of Paris but that's another story) even investigated the horse; in the end, the Trojans accepted the gift. In ancient times it was customary for a defeated general to surrender his horse to the victorious general in a sign of respect.



It should be noted here that the horse was the sacred animal of Poseidon; during the contest with Athena over the patronage of Athens, Poseidon gave men the horse, and Athena gave the olive tree. It should also be noted that after living ten years under a siege, one's reasoning seems to go out the window.

The Trojans have a huge orgy, I mean, party (think sodomy on a grand scale) the end of the siege, so that, when the Greeks emerged from the horse, the city was in a drunken stupor. The Greek warriors opened the city gates to allow the rest of the army to enter, and the city was pillaged ruthlessly, all the men were killed, and all the women and children were taken into slavery.



And so ends the Iliad.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

April 24, 1913 -
The "Cathedral of Commerce" built one nickel at a time, the Woolworth building opens.



The Five and Dimes are long gone but the skyscraper remains.


April 24, 1969 -
Paul McCartney has to being denying rumors he was dead.



His two and hour hour performance last week at Cowochilla went a long way in putting those rumors to rest.


April 24, 1986 -
'Her Royal Highness' The Duchess of Windsor, Bessie Wallis Warfield Spencer Simpson Windsor former maitresse en titre (official mistress), horse-faced, twice-divorced American, possible transvestite and Nazi sympathizer dies.



And the House of Windsor breathes a sigh of relief -

until Princess Diana.


And so it goes

A note to all would-be Serial killers.

Stop keeping articles of your your victims clothing (especially their panties!!!)



It's always a clue


On a much lighter note:
April 23, 1936 -
Roy Orbison, the coolest singer in sunglasses,was born on this date.







Allow yourselves to wallow in the voluptuousness of despair!


Here is your Today in History -



Today is believed to be the birthday of William Shakespeare, born in Stratford-on-Avon, England (1564). He was a playwright and poet, and is considered to be the most influential and perhaps the greatest writer in the English language. His tragedies have been celebrated for centuries. For example, there’s the Tragedy of Julius Caesar, in which a Roman general thinks he’d like to be emperor, other people disagree, and everyone dies in the end. There is the Tragedy of Macbeth, in which a Scottish Thane thinks he’d like to be king, other people disagree, and everyone dies in the end. There is the Tragedy of Richard II, in which a hunch-backed noble thinks he'd like to be king, other people disagree, and everyone dies in the end. There is even the Tragedy of Hamlet, in which a young prince thinks and everyone dies in the end.



(That last is naturally set in Denmark, where the relationship between thinking and dying has been most famously chronicled by Soren Kierkegaard, who called life itself "the sickness unto death." He was a very happy fella)

He gave us many beloved plays, including Romeo and Juliet (1594), A Midsummer Night's Dream (1595), Gay Boys in Bondage (1601), Othello (1604), and King Lear (1605). Only a few scattered facts are known about his life. He was born and raised in the picturesque market town of Stratford-on-Avon, surrounded by woodlands. His father was a glover and a leather merchant; he and his wife had eight children including William, but three of them died in childbirth. William probably left grammar school when he was thirteen years old, but continued to study on his own.



He went to London around 1588 to pursue his career in drama (or to sleep with actresses or men who dresses like women) and by 1592 he was a well-known actor. He joined an acting troupe in 1594 and wrote many plays for the group while continuing to act. Scholars believe that he usually played the part of the first character that came on stage, but that in Hamlet he played the ghost.



Some scholars have suggested that Shakespeare couldn't have written the plays attributed to him because he had no formal education. A group of scientists recently plugged all his plays into a computer and tried to compare his work to other writers of his day, such as Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe, and the Earl of Oxford. The only writer they found who frequently used words and phrases similar to Shakespeare's was Queen Elizabeth I, and although Shakespeare had been seen in women's clothing several times, the Queen was eventually ruled out as well.



Shakespeare used one of the largest vocabularies of any English writer, almost 30,000 words, and he was the first writer to invent or record many of our most common turns of phrase, including "foul play," "as luck would have it," "your own flesh and blood," "too much of a good thing," "good riddance," "in one fell swoop," "so is your mother," "play fast and loose," "up your nose with a rubber hose," "dyn-o-mite," "I know you are but what am I" and "in the twinkling of an eye."

Shakespeare wrote a lot of other plays and died in the end—on April 23, 1616. His accomplishments are all the more remarkable when you consider that he died on the same day he’d been born.


April 23, 1616 -
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra died the very same day as Shakespeare. Mr. Cervantes was a brilliant Spanish humorist, best known for his novel Don Quixote, in which an old man suffering from acute mental illness rides around the Spanish countryside hallucinating, then dies.



Sometimes that's all there is.


April 23, 1988 -
"There is no dark side in the Moon really... matter of fact it's all dark"



Pink Floyd's album Dark Side Of The Moon, after spending the record total of 741 consecutive weeks (over 14 years) on the Billboard 200, left the charts for its first time ever.

How will they ever make ends meet.


And so it goes

Remember, the planet you save may be your own.

It's Earth Day today, everybody goes out and hug a tree. If you don't want to be that familiar with nature, politely shake hands with your house plants.

Here's a little poem you can remember to help on this Earth Day -

If it's yellow, let it mellow,
If it's brown, flush it down,
And if it's blue, seek medical attention.

April 22, 1950 -
Peter Frampton, musician, singer, producer, and multi-instrumentalist, was born on this date.



If you were a teenager in the mid 70's, you were issued your standard copy of "Frampton Comes Alive" to face your 'awkward' years.


Here's your Today in History -
April 22, , 1451 -
Isabella I, Queen of Castille, was born. She also became Queen of Aragon in 1479.



She was Christopher Columbus's patron, and must therefore share some of the responsibility for the many thousands of casinos across America.


April 22, 1870
Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov was born on this date He later became Lenin, invented the Communist Party in Russia, and made himself first Head Bastard of the Soviet Union.



It's interesting that Alexander Kerensky, the leader of Russia's provisional revolutionary government in 1917 until overthrown by Lenin, was born on the same day as Lenin, only eleven years later.

Well, it's interesting to some people.


April 22, 1904 -
Robert Oppenheimer was born on this date. Mr. Oppenheimer is known as the father of the atomic bomb.



The bomb's mother has never been identified to anyone's satisfaction, which only underscores the lax security at Los Alamos.


April 22, 1923 -
Kinky center fold model Bettie Mae Page born in Nashville, Tennessee.



As she describes herself, "I was never the girl next door."


April 22, 1946 -
John Waters, famed indie film director, was born on this date.



Waters announced that the production of his newest proposed film, Fruitcake, a children's Christmas film starring Johnny Knoxville and Parker Posey, had been cancelled. "I can't get it made...I thought it would do well, but it's not. In this economy, I'm going to have to do a puppet show."

It's a sad day in America when John Waters can't get a movie financed.


April 22, 1954 -
Porn star and onetime Ivory Snow model Marilyn Chambers is born in Westport, Connecticut,



behind a rather ordinary hospital white door. Marilyn died unexpectedly about two weeks ago.


April 22, 1964 -
President Johnson opened the New York World's Fair in Flushing Meadow, Corona Park, New York .



The Fair also is remembered as the vehicle Walt Disney utilized to design and perfect the system of "audio-animatronics," in which a combination of sound and computers[citation needed] control the movement of life-like robots to act out scenes. In the "It's a Small World" attraction at the Pepsi pavilion, animated dolls and animals frolicked in a spirit of international unity on a boat-ride around the world.

Once the fair was over, Walt feverishly pushed his 'imagineers' to build him an 'actual' President. Historians argue that this was the beginning of Ronald Reagan campaign for the Presidency.


April 22, 1994 -
Richard M. Nixon suffers a fatal stroke. His body is laid to rest on the grounds of his Presidential Library.



Wooden stakes were driven through his heart to make sure he is dead.


And on a personal note, I was remiss not to wish a Happy Anniversary to Sharon and George yesterday.

And so it goes

Very stupid youth want to know...

Newsweeks cover story spends too many pages questions why former Governor Spitzer was reckless with prostitutes.



Simple answer - He wanted to 'sleep with' whores.


Make of this what you will that the following people were born today:
Catherina II the Great, writer/empress of Russia (and no she didn't do it with the horses, just the horse men) (1729),



Alexandra Mary Windsor II (1926),



Iggy Pop [James Newell Osterberg] (1947) ,




Patti LuPone (1949),




Tony Danza (1951)




& Robert Smith (1959)




It's Holocaust Remembrance Day.


Today in History -
April 21, 753 -BC-
Traditional date of the foundation of Rome (they are hoping to finish building it any day now).



But since the Gregorian Calendar was just a gleam in Pope Julius eye - who knows.


April 21, 1836 -
With the battle cry, 'Remember the Alamo!' Texan forces under Sam Houston defeated the army of Mexican General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, assuring Texas independence .



According to legend, Santa Ana was astride a mulatto, or "yellow" prostitute, Emily Morgan, who came to be celebrated in song as "The Yellow Rose of Texas"

Now you know.


April 21, 1918 -
German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, known as "The Red Baron", is shot down and killed over Vaux sur Somme in France.



There is no truth to the rumor that Snoopy fired the fatal shot.


April 21, 1997 -
Ashes of Timothy Leary and Gene Roddenberry launched into orbit .



I guess this is the highest Dr. Leary will ever get.


And so it goes.

It's 420

If you or your kid cuts work or school today, he just might have a chemical dependency.



That's all we're gonna say. (And it has nothing to do with the Anniversary of Columbine.)


April 20, 1977-
Annie Hall, at 93 minutes, the shortest film to ever win the Best Picture Oscar, premiered on this date.



The film's working title was "Anhedonia" - the inability to feel pleasure. United Artists fought against it (among other things, they were unable to come up with an ad campaign that explained the meaning of the word) and Woody Allen compromised on naming the film after the central character three weeks before the film's premiere. Other titles suggested were "It Had to Be Jew", "A Rollercoaster Named Desire", and "Me and My Goy".


Today in History:
Apr 20 1233 -
Pope Gregory IX places the Inquisition, in existence since 1227, under the aegis of the Dominican Order. Torture is apparently sometimes necessary to save souls, and the office continues to exist today as the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.



And until a few years ago, the congregation was headed by Prefect Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger.

Apr 20 1889 -
In Braunau, Austria, Klara Hitler gives birth to a bouncing baby little evil bastard named Adolf.




Apr 20 1979 -
President Jimmy Carter is attacked by a Killer Swamp Rabbit, while on vacation in Plains GA. The rabbit swam menacingly towards him, and he had to repel the ferocious creature with a paddle. There were no injuries.



Press Secretary Jody Powell leaked the story to the press, and the White House had a lot of explaining to do.


Apr 20 1992 -
Alone in his apartment watching TV, British comedic legend Benny Hill suffers a fatal heart attack.



His bloated toupeeless body with his underwear around this ankles are found four days later


And so it goes

Happy Fourth Anniversary

April 19, 2005 -
Cliff from Cheers was elected the 265th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church on this date.



It's amazing how far an someone in the Hitler youth group can go (Oops, I wasn't supposed to mention the war.)


April 19, 1961 -
La Dolce Vita, premieres in the United States on this date.



The famous scene in the Trevi Fountain was shot in March when nights were still cold. Fellini claimed that Anita Ekberg stood in the cold water in her dress for hours without any trouble while Mastroianni had to wear a wetsuit beneath his clothes - to no avail. It was only after "he polished off a bottle of vodka" that Fellini could shoot the scene with a drunk Mastroianni.

Today in History:
April 19, 1775 -
The American Revolutionary War began with the battles of Lexington and Concord.



In New York, Lexington seems to have won as there is no Concord Avenue.


April 19, 1824 -
Notorious drug user, buggerer, sister sleeping, club footed man about Europe, oh yeah, and poet, Lord George Gordon Byron, dies from fever in Greece.



His body is set back to England for burial (his heart, literally remains in his beloved Greece, buried under a tree in Messolonghi) but he is so imfamous that neither the deans of Westminster and St Paul's will accept his body for proper burial. His family at last buries him in a small fault vault in Northern England.


April 19, 1910 -
Halley's comet reappears, last seen in 1835.



The Earth passes safely through the comet's tail with no perceptible effect, not counting the death of Mark Twain.

This time, the reports were not exaggerated.


April 19, 1927 -
Mae West, suspected transvestite, was jailed for her performance in Sex, the Broadway play she wrote, directed, and starred in. She was sentenced to ten days in prison. While incarcerated on Roosevelt Island, she was allowed to wear her silk panties instead of the scratchy prison issue and the warden reportedly took her to dinner every night.



She served eight days with two days off for good behavior. Media attention to the case enhanced her career - it didn't make her change her act, but it did bring her national notoriety—and helped make her one of Hollywood's most memorable, and quotable, stars. She said: "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful."


April 19, 1943 -
During an early-morning operation to exterminate the residents of the Warsaw Ghetto, Nazi troops experience heavy casualties and are forced to retreat before nightfall. Jewish resistance fighters, armed with rifles and molotov cocktails, manage to kill or wound at least 200. The battle will rage on for another three weeks.


April 19, 1987 -
The Simpsons make their television debut in the short "Good Night" a segment for The Tracey Ullman Show. I wonder whatever happened to The Simpsons.

(I'd like to show you the clip but the goons, I mean lawyers from Fox would break my legs and I've just about gotten used to walking.)


April 19, 1993 -
More than 80 Branch Davidians burn to death in Waco, Texas as the FBI stages a disastrous final assault on their compound. This brings a sudden end to the 51-day siege.



They really pissed off Janet Reno.


April 19, 1995 -
Timothy McVeigh kills 168 Oklahomans when his truck bomb detonates in front of the Alfred P. Murrah federal building.





And so it goes

Happy Record Store Day

Do yourself a favor and go to your local record shop (Yes kids, music sometimes is sold on vinyl) and buy something - your ears will thank you for it.



Here is your Today in History -



It was a tense April in Boston in 1775. The colonists were simmering with resentment toward the motherland, on account of King George III having strewn the colonies with excessive tacks, painful to step on and bothersome to the horses. Furthermore, British cabbies had refused to unionize, and the colonists were adamantly opposed to taxis without representation.

King George III tried to assuage the riled colonists by sending them boatloads of tea. (King George III was insane.) The colonists dressed up like Indians and poured all the king’s tea into Boston harbor, proving they could be perfectly insane without any help from the king.



Meanwhile, a network of colonists had been secretly meeting for some time. They reasoned that since they preferred coffee to tea, liked salad before rather than after the entree, and couldn’t make any sense whatever of cricket, they were obviously no longer British. Perhaps they had become French, or Portuguese. Finally they took a vote, which proved they were American.

The king’s colonial representatives overheard some of these discussions, and decided to arrest as many of these patriots as possible, unless they could kill them first.

On April 18, 1775, Paul Revere got wind of the British officers’ plan to arrest John Hancock and Sam Adams in Lexington that very night--arrests that would have been calamitous to the colony’s fledgling insurance and beer industries.

Anticipating colonial unrest, British officers had deployed Regulars on all the key roads between Boston and Lexington. (The Regulars had previously proved effective even where the Irregulars and Extra Longs had failed.)

Revere told some friends to hang two lanterns in Boston’s Old North Church, in order to signal his wife that he’d be late for dinner, and immediately set out for Charlestown. Once there, he mounted a horse and began the ride to Lexington.

He found himself almost immediately pursued by Regulars, whom he eluded by means of wily Boston riding tactics: he took a series of lefts from the right lane and a series of rights from the left, utterly confounding his pursuers, who were anyway accustomed to riding on the other side of the street and still weren’t sure what to do at a blinking red light. One of the Regulars rode straight into a fruit stand and ended up covered in produce. Another rode through a big plate glass window that two workmen were carrying across the road. It was pretty funny.



Just before midnight, Revere finally arrived at Jonas Clarke’s Lexington home, where he breathlessly informed Adams and Hancock that the British were coming. This confounded Adams and Hancock, who, like Revere, were themselves British.

Once the confusion was cleared up, Adams and Hancock fled for safety while Revere and two others rushed on to Concord. Many memorable and important historical events ensued, such as the American Revolution, but by then it was April 19th, and therefore no longer appropriate to this date's entry.


April 18, 1906 -
A devastating earthquake strikes San Francisco at 5:13 a.m., followed by a major aftershock three hours later. More than 3,000 people are killed from either collapsing structures or any of the 59 separate fires which burn over the next three days.



In the downtown area, the U.S. Army is forced to dynamite whole city blocks in order to contain the flames, due to the lack of water pressure.


April 18, 1955 -
Nobel Prize recipient Albert Einstein dies in his hospital bed from a ruptured aortic aneurysm. Seven hours later, his brain is plunked into a jar of formalin and taken away by the pathologist.



Those began a 40 year journey of "They Stole Einstein's Brain".


April 18, 1983 _
62 people are killed and more than 100 injured in a suicide bombing against the U.S. Embassy in Beirut. The attacker used a van packed with one ton of high explosives.. Included among the dead is the CIA's entire Middle East bureau.



The group Islamic Jihad claims responsibility, although the intelligence community believes it was actually the work of Hezbollah.



April 18, 1988 -
American auto worker John Demjanjuk is convicted of crimes against humanity by an Israeli court. They determined that he was Treblinka's notorious "Ivan the Terrible." The court sentences him to hang one week later, but the conviction is later overturned when it appears to have been a case of mistaken identity.




In 2002, a U..S. federal court later strips Demjanjuk of his citizenship after it rules that he did in fact work as a Nazi prison guard, although at Sobibor, Majdanek, and Flossenburg. As late as Thursday, Mr Demjanjuk is still vigorously fighting his extradiction to Germany to stand trial in Munich on charges he helped kill 29,000 Jews as a Nazi prison guard at the Sobibor death camp in 1943.


And so it goes

The biggest word you've ever heard ...

and this is how it goes -

floccinaucinihilipilification (flak-si-naw-si-ni-hi-li-pi-li-fi-KEY-shen), (noun) Holding or judging something to be worthless. Sometimes written with hyphens, it is frequently cited as one of the longest words in the English language.

Now you know.

April 17, 1971 -
'Joy to the World', by Three Dog Night, made it to the top of the pop music charts. The song was number one for six weeks .



Yeah, you may have drunk Jeremiah's wine but how much drugs did you do to write a song about a bullfrog?


Today in History:
It was a lovely April, but a certain beautiful young woman walked about in a daze, heavy of heart and despairing of hope. She was betrothed to a rich and cruel young man who didn’t love her. Then she met a boyishly handsome young ruffian who loved her for who she really was. His every sentiment seemed to echo those in her own soul, sentiments that had gone too long unanswered; his smile radiated warmth and joy, and quickened her blooming young heart, which had withered too long from neglect; his touch sent shivers down her spine, which had always consisted of numerous vertebrae. They fell in love abruptly and completely. Sadly, the sea broke through the dikes, and they were drowned along with 100,000 other less interesting people on April 17, 1421, in Dort, the Netherlands.

(On April 15, 1912, the unsinkable Titanic sank, drowning 1,523 of her 2200 passengers and crew.



On April 16, 1951, the British submarine Affray sunk in the English Channel, drowning 75.



On April 18, 1906, the San Francisco earthquake left 200,000 homeless and over 1000 dead.



Let's be careful out there.)


April 17, 1524 -
Giovanni da Verrazzano, another in a long line of European knuckleheads trying to find a shortcut to India, reaches the Narrows, the strait between Staten Island and Long Island. He finds that he does not have enough change to go through and is turned around by local authorities.



For some reason, we (the U.S.) named two bridges after him.


April 17, 1937 -
Oh people call me Daffy
They think that I am goony
Just because I’m happy is no sign I’m looney tooney
Oh when they say I’m nutsy
It sure gives me a pain
Please pass the ketchup I think its going to rain
Oh you can’t bounce a meatball
Though try with all your might
Turn on the radio I want to fly a kite
Good evening friends

Porky's Duck Hunt (1937)
Uploaded by voiceman91

(Sorry, this is a coloized version of the cartoon)

Daffy Duck debuted in Looney Tune "Porky's Duck Hunt". This short, starring Porky Pig, is notable for being the first appearance of the character who would later be named Daffy Duck. Also notable is that this is the first cartoon in which Mel Blanc voices both Porky and Daffy.


April 17, 1961 -
In an effort to overthrow Fidel Castro, 1,500 Cuban exiles make a series of amphibious landings at the Bay of Pigs. After it becomes painfully obvious in just a matter of hours that the forces were trained, equipped, and armed by the United States, the speed freak and known sex hound President John F. Kennedy withholds necessary air cover.



In three days of fighting, Cuba captures 1,197 of the rebels and kills approximately 200.


April 17, 1964 -
The Ford Motor Company unveils the Ford Mustang,



championed by Ford Division general manager Lee Iacocca, at the New York World's Fair.


April 17, 1969 -
A Los Angeles jury convicts Sirhan Sirhan of assassinating Senator Robert F. Kennedy. Sirhan receives a death sentence, but it is later reduced to life in prison.



Poor Mr. Sirhan, one of the only people who might have spoken in his defense, Robert F. Kennedy was dead.


And so it goes

So this is what's been playing on those English Jukeboxes all these years.

Procol Harum's psychedelic classic "A Whiter Shade of Pale" has just been named Britain's most-played song in public places in the last 75 years, beating out Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "All I Have to Do Is Dream" by The Everly Brothers.



Though her face at first just ghostly ... (what the hell was going on at that party?)


April 16, 1889 -
Charles Spencer Chaplin, Jr, actor, writer, songwriter, composer, film producer and director was born on this date.



He also suffered from somewhat of a 'Lolita complex'. Most of the 'women' he was involved with were under 18 years old.

Oh, those wacky creative geniuses.


April 16, 1932 -
The Music Box, moment by moment one of the funniest Laurel and Hardy sound movies, premiered on this date.


Watch 03. The Music Box (1932).avi in Comedy  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

It won the Oscar for best short subject in 1932.


April 16, 1939 -
Mary Isabel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien, one of the leading pop singer and entertainer of the 1960's was born on this date.




Here is your Today in History -

April 16, 173 BC -
"We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,--
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."



"... how his naked ears were tortured, by the sirens sweetly singing."



A solar eclipse may have marked the return of Odysseus, legendary King of Ithaca and one of the most recurrent characters in Western literature, to his kingdom after the Trojan War.


April 16, 1865 -
President Abraham Lincoln lies in state. Two days previously, he receives a cranial gunshot wound from a member of the nation's most famous acting families, John Wilkes Booth. Lincoln dies the following day, primarily from ill-advised attempts to extract the bullet lodged in his brain.



At approximately the same time, a co-conspirator of Booth's, Lewis Powell breaks into the Secretary of State William Seward's home and attacks his family. Incredibly, Mr. Seward survives a stabbing to the face and neck. The president's death came only six days after Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrendered his massive army at Appomattox, effectively ending the American Civil War. The president's death came only six days after Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrendered his massive army at Appomattox, effectively ending the American Civil War.

So once again, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?


April 16 1912 -
The remains of the R.M.S. Titanic comes to reset at the bottom of the sea. The unsinkable ship sank after being torn by iceberg. Of a total of 2,208 people, only 712 survived; 1,496 perished. If the lifeboats had been filled to capacity, 1,178 people could have been saved. Of the first-class, 201 were saved (60%) and 123 died. Of the second-class, 118 (44%) were saved and 167 were lost. Of the third-class, 181 were saved (25%) and 527 perished. Of the crew, 212 were saved (24%) and 679 perished. Of particular note, the entire complement of the 35-member Engineering Staff (25 engineers, 6 electricians, two boilermakers, one plumber, and one writer/engineer's clerk) were lost.



The entire ship's orchestra was also lost. Led by violinist Wallace Hartley, they played music on the boat deck of the Titanic that night to calm the passengers. It will probably forever remain unknown what this orchestra selected as their last piece. Based on evidence from various sources some argue it was "Nearer my God to Thee" while others say it was "Autumn." The majority of deaths were caused by victims succumbing to hypothermia in the 28 °F (-2 °C) water.


April 16, 1943 -
LSD was first synthesized on April 7, 1938 by Swiss chemist Dr. Albert Hofmann at the Sandoz Laboratories in Basel, Switzerland, as part of a large research program searching for medically useful ergot alkaloid derivatives. Its psychedelic properties were unknown until 5 years later, when Hofmann, acting on what he has called a "peculiar presentiment," returned to work on the chemical. He attributed the discovery of the compound's psychoactive effects to the accidental absorption of a tiny amount through his skin on April 16. Here is the first instance of the defense "I did not inhale" - "I accidential dropped acid".



Here is an excerpt from Dr. Hofmann's diary concerning this day -

"Last Friday, April 16,1943, I was forced to interrupt my work in the laboratory in the middle of the afternoon and proceed home, being affected by a remarkable restlessness, combined with a slight dizziness. At home I lay down and sank into a not unpleasant intoxicated-like condition, characterized by an extremely stimulated imagination. In a dreamlike state, with eyes closed (I found the daylight to be unpleasantly glaring), I perceived an uninterrupted stream of fantastic pictures, extraordinary shapes with intense, kaleidoscopic play of colors. After some two hours this condition faded away. "



Oh wow, the colors, the lights man.


On a personal note, I want to wish Michael and Stephanie a very Happy Anniversary.


And so it goes

You have to admit ...

that the Somali pirates must have one hell of a recruitment tape.



It's tax day folks - time to 'fess up and come clean to the tax man.




Here's your Today in History

April 15, 1792 -
The Guillotine is first tested on human corpses.



Delis all over France have to wait years for the meat slicer to be invented.


April 15, 1865-
Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, dies from a bullet wound inflicted the night before by John Wilkes Booth, an actor and Confederate sympathizer.



The president's death came only six days after Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrendered his massive army at Appomattox, effectively ending the American Civil War.


April 15, 1912 -
Unsinkable ship Titanic sinks after being torn by iceberg, with a loss of 1493 passengers.




April 15, 1945 -
British and Canadian troops liberate the Bergen-Belsen death camp in northern Germany.




April 15, 1955 -
The first McDonald's franchise opens in Des Plains, a suburb of Chicago. Because it is the first one launched by Ray Kroc, he names it "McDonald's #1" despite the fact that the McDonald brothers had already opened eight of their chain restaurants before they began accepting licensees.



Kroc's unfortunate numbering system guarantees perpetual confusion for amateur fast food historians the world over.


April 15, 1962 -
Actress Clara Blandick, 80, the Auntie Em of the Wizard of Oz, takes an overdose of sleeping pills and ties a plastic bag around her head in a Hollywood hotel room.



Prior to this, she had prominently arranged her resume and press clippings so the newspapers would get her obituary right.


April 15, 1990 -
Greta Garbo dies on this date.



She finally got her wish.



And so it goes.

Better get your holiday shopping started -

Christmas is 255 days away.

word of the day -
sang-froid or sangfroid (sä-frwä)
n.
Coolness and composure, especially in trying circumstances.

I am handling my impending trip to the poorhouse with great sangfroid.


April 14, 1945 _
Tex Avery rethinks his Warner Brother cartoon, Dangerous Dan McFoo, and remakes it as The Shooting of Dan McGoo. It's released on this date.



This is probably the better version.


Today in History:
April 14, 73 -
With the 10th Roman Legion about to breach the gates of their mountaintop fortress, 960 Sicarii Jews commit mass suicide at Masada. According to Josephus, the radical cult selected ten swordsmen by lottery to perform the killing.



Then they held a second lottery to choose one man to kill the remaining nine. Finally, the last one fell on his sword.


April 14, 1828 -
Noah Webster published his American Dictionary of the English Language. He was a man who'd grown up in America at a time when Americans from different states could barely understand each other, because they spoke with such different accents and even different languages.



Americans in Vermont spoke French, New Yorkers spoke Dutch, and the settlers in Pennsylvania spoke German. All these different languages were influencing American English, and there were no standards of spelling or meaning.

Please note: the word"blogger" was not in that edition of the dictionary.


April 14, 1865 -
President Abraham Lincoln receives a cranial gunshot wound from the nation's most famous actor, John Wilkes Booth. Lincoln dies the following day, primarily from ill-advised attempts to extract the bullet lodged in his brain.



So, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln.


On April 14, 1894, a public Kinetoscope parlor was opened by the Holland Bros. in New York City at 1155 Broadway, on the corner of 27th Street—the first commercial motion picture house. The venue had ten machines, set up in parallel rows of five, each showing a different movie. For 25 cents a viewer could see all the films in either row; half a dollar gave access to the entire bill. The machines were purchased from the new Kinetoscope Company, which had contracted with Thomas Edison for their production; the firm, headed by Norman C. Raff and Frank R. Gammon, included among its investors Andrew M. Holland, one of the entrepreneurial siblings, and Edison's former business chief, Alfred O. Tate.



The ten films that comprise the first commercial movie program: Barber Shop, Bertoldi (mouth support) (Ena Bertoldi, a British vaudeville contortionist), Bertoldi (table contortion), Blacksmiths, Roosters (some manner of cock fight), Highland Dance, Horse Shoeing, Sandow (Eugen Sandow, a German strongman), Trapeze, and Wrestling. As historian Charles Musser describes, a "profound transformation of American life and performance culture" had begun.

They were sure to have plenty of kleenex on hand.


April 14, 1912 - 11:40 P.M.
The Unsinkable RMS TITANIC hits an iceberg causing damage to six of her sixteen 'water tight' compartments. (Lat. 41° 46' N. and Long. 50° 14' W.)



Jack and Rose witness the horrific events after Jack to sketch Rose in the nude, wearing only the Heart of the Ocean, an engagement present from Cal (afterwards, they entered William Carter's Renault and had sex) by that's another story.

April 14, 1941 -
Julie Frances Christie, famous beauty and renown actress and Peter Edward "Pete" Rose, Sr. (Charlie Hustle) were born on this date.





One of them has a better chance of getting into the Baseball Hall of Fame than the other.


And so it goes.

Not enough people celebrate Easter Monday

This is the first time in years that I've had off on the day after Easter, so I'm just getting to this.

Today in History:
April 13, 1598 -
The Edict of Nantes established tolerance for Huguenots in France.

The Huguenots were the band of merry sailors that served as Jason’s crew on the Hugo, and the French had persecuted them because they were carrying Golden Fleas.


April 13, 1883 -
Alferd Packer, one of the few people in the US ever to be jailed for cannibalism, having allegedly killed and eaten five of his traveling companions while trapped in the Rocky Mountains during fierce winter weather, is sentenced to death in Colorado. During the trial, the judge supposedly said:

"Damn you, Alferd Packer! There were seven Dimmycrats in Hinsdale County and you ate five of them!"

An alternate version of the judge's outburst is -
"Packer, you depraved Republican son of a bitch! There were only five Democrats in Hinsdale County and you ate them all!"



The actual sentencing statement, of course, was a little more in character for an educated state judge:
"Close your ears to the blandishments of hope. Listen not to the flattering promises of life, but prepare for the dread certainty of death."

Packer is a legend in popular culture. He has been quoted as having said, in jest, "the breasts of man...are the sweetest meat I ever tasted." In 1968, students at the University of Colorado at Boulder named their new cafeteria grill the Alferd G. Packer Memorial Grill with the slogan "Have a friend for lunch!" Even today students can enjoy the meat-filled "El Canibal" underneath a giant wall map outlining his travels through Colorado.



Trey Parker, co-creator of South Park and graduate of University of Colorado, made a student film - Alferd Packer: The Musical, based loosely on Packer's life, while there

April 13, 1919 -
The Jallianwala Bagh Massacre, also known as the Amritsar Massacre, was named after the Jallianwala Bagh (Garden) in the northern Indian city of Amritsar, where, British Indian Army soldiers under the command of Brigadier-General Reginald Dyer opened fire on an unarmed gathering of men, women and children.



The firing lasted about 10 minutes and 1600 rounds were fired. Official sources place the casualties at 379. According to private sources, the number was over 1000, with more than 2000 wounded, and Civil Surgeon Dr Smith indicated that they were over 1800.

And the British wonder why they lost an empire.


April 13, 1970 -
56 hours and 205,000 miles from planet Earth, the crew aboard Apollo 13 hears "a pretty loud bang" when oxygen tank number two spontaneously explodes. Astronaut Jack Swigert informs Mission Control in Houston: "Hey, we've got a problem here."



Miraculously, the crew manages to return home in their crippled spacecraft.


April 13, 1981 -
Washington Post reporter Janet Cooke wins a Pulitzer Prize for her story about Jimmy, an 8 year old heroin addict. Strangely, police could find no trace of this boy. And this was one of those investigative journalism Pulitzers, not a fiction Pulitzer, so she was forced to return the award two days later.



Cooke later clerked part-time at a department store cosmetics counter in Kalamazoo, Michigan.


April 13, 1990 -
The Soviet Union admits after vehemently denying for 47 years to the Katyn Massacre of 15,000 Polish army officers in.



Oops.


April 13, 1992 -
Chicago's downtown business center is crippled by massive flooding, as 124 million gallons of water inundate 50 miles of underground freight tunnels and adjoining basements. City workers dump sandbags, rocks, and mattresses into the Chicago River in a vain attempt to slow the floodwaters. All told, it will take 12 days to seal the leak and drain the tunnels. The disaster causes $800 million in damage, and the IRS graciously grants one week of amnesty for Chicago-area residents to file their tax returns..

April 13, 1994 -
The United Nations Human Rights Committee declares sodomy to be a basic human right. The committee determined that laws against buggery (particularly in Tasmania) breach articles of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights.



So that's what they do at the UN.

April 13, 2029 -
Mark this date in your calendars. A meteor will pass by the Earth, we hope, breaking the record for the closest passing by of any other previous meteor. Unless it goes wildly off course and crashes into Earth.



Have a good day.

And so it goes