Read the ramblings of Dr. Caligari. Hopefully you will find that Time does wound all heels.
You no longer need to be sad that nowadays there is so little useless information.
Today in History: April 12, 65 - Seneca the Younger (not to be confused with his father Seneca the Elder or his grandfather Seneca the Dead), Roman philosopher and humorist was accused of being involved in the Pisonian conspiracy, a plot to kill Nero (old school Evil Bastard). Nero escaped the assassination attempt and Seneca went home to commit ritual suicide. Committing ritualistic suicide at work had become unfashionably and very messy. His wife, Pompeia Paulina, intended to commit suicide after but was forbidden to do so by Nero. She attempted suicide by cutting her wrists, but the wounds were bound up, and she did not make a second attempt. Unfortunately for Seneca, who also chose to cut his wrists, his diet caused the blood to flow slowly, thus causing pain instead of a quick death.
He took poison given to him by a friend, but it didn't work. He dictated to a scribe, and then jumped into a hot pool. He did not try to drown, but instead, it appears, tried to make the blood flow faster. Seneca finally died from suffocation from the steam rising from the pool.
This is not the easy way out.
April 12, 1861, - The first shots of the American Civil War (aka the War of Northern Aggression) rang out at an attack on Fort Sumter, South Carolina. Abner Doubleday (of baseball fame) aimed the cannon that fired the first return shot in answer to the Confederate bombardment. No one died in the actual battle, but one Union soldier died and another was mortally wounded when firing a cannon showing their surrender.
Accounts, such as in the famous diary of Mary Chesnut, describe Charleston residents along what is now known as The Battery, sitting on balconies and drinking salutes to the start of the hostilities. Four years, two days and 618,000 dead later, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by southerner John Wilkes Booth while watching Our American Cousin at the Ford Theatre. He died the following day.
Moral: avoid theatre.
April 12, 1945 - Franklin D. Roosevelt, the only president ever elected to four terms of office, dies of a cerebral hemorrhage in Warm Springs, GA, after meeting with his long time mistress and his wife's social secretary.
The following day, Vice President Harry S. Truman assumes the post and is told for the first time about the Manhattan Project.
Roosevelt really liked to keep secrets.
April 12, 1954 - The very fat and sweaty Bill Haley & His Comets record "Rock Around the Clock" in New York City.
Initially it was not a big hit on American Bandstand, the recording would help launch the rock and roll revolution a year later.
April 12, 1961 - Yuri Gagarin became the first human to travel into space in Vostok 3KA-2 (Vostok 1), on this date. During his flight, Gagarin famously whistled the tune "The Motherland Hears, The Motherland Knows" The first two lines of the song are: "The Motherland hears, the Motherland knows/Where her son flies in the sky". This patriotic song was written by Dmitri Shostakovich in 1951 (opus 86), with words by Yevgeniy Dolmatovsky. It was obviously not a big hit on American Bandstand at the time - although it did have a good beat, you could hardly dance to it.
There were speculations in the media that from orbit Gagarin made the comment, "I don't see any God up here." There are, however, no such words in the full verbatim record of Gagarin's conversations with the Earth during the spaceflight.In a 2006 interview a close friend of Gagarin, colonel Valentin Petrov, stated that Gagarin never said such words, and that the phrase he uttered was, "I don't see any Goddamn toilet up here and I have to go."
April 12, 1988 - U.S. patent 4,736,866 is granted to Harvard University for a genetically-modified mouse, engineered to be particularly susceptible to carcinogens.
The cancer-prone "Harvard Oncomouse" is the world's first patented creature, and perhaps also the most screwed.
You'd think someone might have mentioned to him that perhaps this was not a good idea.
Apr 12 1992 - EuroDisney opens to the public, attracting a meager 50,000 visitors. Expectations had been about ten times as many. This underwhelming response by the European public will continue for more than a year.
Finally, after 18 months of retooling, the resort is ultimately rechristened Disneyland Paris.
Apr 12 1995 - To celebrate David Letterman's 49th birthday, actress Drew Barrymore climbs atop the Late Night desk and flashes her bosomy protuberances at the man.
Which puts me and David Letterman in a very special club (those of you who know me will remember this incident.)
RADIO news station 1010 WINS ("Give us 22 minutes and we'll give you the world") gave its listeners an apparently made-up story yesterday. The station fell for a hoax when a scam artist sent over a bogus press release stating rapper Lil' Kim was mulling a run for mayor of Hoboken, NJ. The release was from "Andrew Carlisle," who claimed he was Kim's publicist. Not so, says Kim's actual publicist, Lisa Perkins. "This is completely untrue," she told The Post's Lukas I. Alpert. "Andrew Carlisle has no association with Kim and he is committing fraud."
April 11, 1942 - Horton Hatches the Egg, a Merrie Melodies production, is released on this date.
Bob Clampett's version of Dr. Seuss's "Horton Hatches the Egg" was the first cinematic adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book.
April 11, 1947 - Charlie Chaplin's dark comedy (from an idea by Orson Welles), Monsieur Verdoux, premieres on this date in NYC.
One murder makes a villain; millions a hero. Numbers sanctify.
Today in History: April 11, 1814 - Able was I ere I saw Elba. Napoleon tries a forced retirement, for the first time, as Emperor of France.
Retirement on a small island in the Mediterranean off the coast of Italy, doesn't suit him and he comes back for his metric Hundred Day campaign (see March 20).
April 11, 1890 - If I had a million dollars, well I'd buy you John Merrick's remains. Oh all of them crazy elephant bones.
Joseph "John" Merrick, the Elephant Man dies at the Royal London Hospital at the age of 27.
April 11, 1905 - A simple patent clerk, Albert Einstein, known mostly for looking at the town clock or passing trains, produces a not so simple paper discussing the Theory of Relativity which among other things postulates that E = MC2 (yeah, yeah I'm no Einstein, I can't make 2 squared).
This astonished the world because previously E had always equally the fifth letter of the alphabet.
April 11 1979 - Kampala, the capital of Uganda, falls to the Tanzanians and dictator Idi Amin is overthrown.
Amin, an occasional cannibal who killed perhaps 300,000 during his reign, had made the mistake of invading Tanzania - this is the mistake most occasional cannibals make.
Apr 11 1996 - Jessica Dubroff, a 7-year-old pilot hoping to become the youngest American ever to fly coast-to-coast, is killed along with her father and flight instructor when their single-engine plane crashes on takeoff in Cheyenne, WY.
Now I don't want to say anything negative here but I barely let the six year old who thinks she's in charge of my house, get the milk out of the refrigerator.
FREEHOLD, New Jersey (Reuters) - A New Jersey man who is divorcing his wife has accused rock star Bruce Springsteen of having an affair with her. Springsteen, who is married to singer Patti Scialfa, was accused by Arthur Kelly of Red Bank, New Jersey, of having an affair with his wife, Ann Kelly, in papers filed in Monmouth County Superior Court on March 27.
Reports had Springsteen seeing Scialfa before the demise of his first marriage to actress Julianne Phillips in 1989.
We must dedicate this song to the Boss:
Wrong gender, right sentiment.
April 10, 1937 - She Was an Acrobat's Daughter, a very funny Merrie Melodies cartoon was released on this date.
... But one matinee, her bridgework gave way, and she flew through the air like a goose.
April 10, 1953 - House of Wax, Warner Bros.' first 3-D movie, premiered on this date.
The film's director, André De Toth, was blind in one eye and hence could not see the effect.
Today is Good Friday,
... Great Friday, Holy Friday or Long Friday (In China, the ever literal minded Chinese refer to the day as Jesus' Crucifixion Day)
Today in History: April 10, 1848 - 250 people die in a bridge collapse in Yarmouth, England. They had gathered on the suspension bridge to watch a clown boat be pulled by a flock of geese.
Nothing good comes from clowns.
April 10, 1912 -
"When anyone asks me how I can best describe my experience in nearly forty years at sea, I merely say, uneventful. Of course there have been winter gales, and storms and fog and the like. But in all my experience, I have never been in any accident ... or any sort worth speaking about. I have seen but one vessel in distress in all my years at sea. I never saw a wreck and never have been wrecked nor was I ever in any predicament that threatened to end in disaster of any sort." -
Edward J. Smith (1907), the future captain of the RMS Titanic. The RMS Titanic leaves port in Southampton, England for her first and last voyage.
April 10, 1917 - 133 people are killed in an explosion at the Eddystone ammunition factory in Chester, PA. Satan is immediately implicated, with one official declaring the blast to be "the result of a diabolical plot conceived in the degenerate brain of a demon in human guise." It later turns out to have been caused by poorly-maintained powder loading machinery.
Satan writes an Op-Ed piece for the Times complaining about his perceived negative image in the media.
April 10, 1919 - Mexican Revolution leader Emiliano Zapata is ambushed and shot dead by government forces in Morelos.
Dubya's grandpappy did not attempt to steal his skull.
April 10, 1925 - "... Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And one fine morning----
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
F. Scott Fitzgerald third first published. Among various titles considered were Among Ashheaps and Millionaires, Gold-Hatted Gatsby, The High-Bouncing Lover, On the Road to West Egg and Fitzgerald's favorite Trimalchio's Banquet based on a character from the Roman character Trimalchio from the Satyricon. At the last moment Fitzgerald agreed with his editor Max Perkins on the title, The Great Gatsby.
The novel was not popular upon initial printing and sold fewer than 25,000 copies during the remaining fifteen years of Fitzgerald's life. Fitzgerald was very disappointed about this happening.
Much alcohol consumption and dissipation ensued.
April 10, 1964 The Polo Grounds are demolished and a public housing project was erected on the site. Demolition of the Polo Grounds began in April of that year with the same wrecking ball that had been used four years earlier on Ebbets Field.
The wrecking crew wore Giants jerseys and tipped their hard hats to the historic stadium as they began the dismantling. It took a crew of 60 workers more than four months to level the structure.
also known as Maundy Thursday, today (remember to wash your feet or the feet of someone else, if you are so inclined.)
Amongst the other things going on (remember don't go to a dinner party with 12 other people) - it a big confessional day - so in honor of that, as has been my wont, I will repost, "Confessions of a Fallen Alter boy" - tales from my misspent youth as an Altar boy at St. John's. Hear the tales of the beatings by drunken priest, the secret drinking of the sacramental wine, the willful intent to force others to puke up the Eucharist. Those uninterested in the wanton tales of Catholic youth gone wrong need not read the posting at the end.
Today in History: Here's your Today in History:
April 9, 1241 - Mongols collect nine bags of ears after a battle with Henry, Duke of Poland, at Liegnitz. A feigned retreat separated the 500 Teutonic Knights from their infantry, and the Mongols slaughtered the entire infantry.
Apparently you can fit 25,000 ears into nine bags.
April 9, 1336 - Our old friend Tamerlane (Timur the Lane) was a descendant of Ghenghis Khan, and one of the greatest Tater leaders ever, expanding the Mongol empire from the Pacific to the Meditterranean.
Tamerlane is best remembered for having built pyramids out of human skulls, owing to a faulty understanding of architecture which no one ever had the courage to correct.
April 9, - Lorenzo de' Medici dies, turning his face to the wall to avoid the verbal abuse from Savonarola, who commands Lorenzo to confess his sins, indecencies and pride and to give the Florentines back their liberty.
As Lorenzo dies, the tower of the church of Santa Reparata is struck by lightning. It's very annoying to have your confessor pester you while you lay dying.
April 9, 1460 - Ponce de León San Tervas de Campos is born.
In Spain he would have been 548 but in Florida had does look a day over 100.
April 9, 1865 - General Robert E. Lee surrendered the Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. Grant, effectively ending the American Civil War. On April 5th, Grant sent a message to Lee that said, "General: The result of the last week must convince you of the hopelessness of further resistance on the part of the Army of Northern Virginia in this struggle. P.S. If you could help an old friend out, send more bourbon. I've finished all of the Union's supply of that fine sippin' whisky of yours yesterday and I have a powerful thirst."
Lee wrote back to say, "Though not entirely of the opinion you express of the hopelessness of further resistance ... I reciprocate your desire to avoid useless effusion of blood, and therefore, before considering your proposition, ask the terms you will offer, on condition of its surrender. Also expect a barrowful of the heavenly nectar with this dispatch. Please tip the delivery boy, you cheap so and so."
And so they met at the Appomattox Court House on April 9th, Palm Sunday, just after noon. Afterward, Lee rode back to his camp, and crowds of Confederate soldiers along the road began to weep as he passed. Little did Grant know that least than a week later, he would have the sad honor of serving as a pallbearer at the funeral of his greatest champion, Abraham Lincoln.
April 9, 1830 - It's the birthday of Eadweard Muybridge, born in Kingston-on-the-Thames, England. He emigrated to California in the 1850s, where he took up photography and quickly became one of the first internationally known photographers. Between 1867 and 1872 he took more than 2000 photographs, many of them views of the Yosemite Valley.
It was Eadweard Muybridge who designed a new camera that could take a picture in one-thousandth of a second. To test his improvement, he set up twenty-four cameras along a race track with trip wires to pull the shutters. With those cameras, he managed to take a series of pictures of a horse galloping, proving for the first time that all four of a horse's hooves will sometimes be off the ground at the same time, and winning his sponser soon-to-be Governor of California Leland Stanford, a businessman and race-horse owner, a $25,000.00 bet. Muybridge's friendship with Stanford proved quite helpful.
In 1874, still living in the San Francisco Bay Area, Muybridge discovered that his wife had a lover, a Major Harry Larkyns. On October 17, 1874, he sought out Larkyns; said, "Good evening, Major, my name is Muybridge and here is the answer to the letter you sent my wife"; and shot and killed him. One is left to wonder what the good Major wrote to warrent such a response.
Muybridge thought his wife's son had been fathered by Larkyns (although, as an adult, the young man had a remarkable resemblance to Muybridge). He was put on trial for the killing, but acquitted of the killing on the grounds that it was "justifiable homicide.." The inquiry interrupted the horse photography experiment, but not Stanford's support of Muybridge; Stanford paid for his criminal defense.
April 9, 1963 - The first foreigner to receive honorary United States citizenship was Winston Churchill (whose mother had been American).
Churchill received the honor with uncharacteristic silence, which was nevertheless not surprising. He was dead.
I became an Altar boy because you got out of school early twice a week. You did have to do an early mass (7:00 AM) once a week but what the hell. The priest that ran the program was a frustrated football coach. We would have our weekly meeting and he would roll a blackboard out onto the altar and diagram what we were supposed to do.
He also told us that when at rest, we should keep our hands loosely clasped at our waist not at crotch level. "You boys do not have balls big enough to walk around holding them," he would warn us.
The duties of an altar boy are vast and complex. You had to set up before mass –you making sure there was water and wine and enough hosts ready for mass. If you ever wanted to have your little mind blown, open up the jumbo bag o' body of Christ and fill up the receptacle like so much cocktail peanuts.
Since these are not yet been consecrated you are permitted to handle them. But you had to guess how many parishioners would attend mass because the priest hated waste and if he didn't have mass later that day, he had to consume the remaining hosts (nothing worse that stale eucharists). But God forbid you didn't have enough and you had to run back in to get some more – that got you a smack to the head.
Yes, priests were allowed to smack the altar boys around. The priest was holy and you were a snot nosed kid so if the priest hit you – you must have deserved it.
Then there was the issue of the holy wine. Each priest had his own special mixture of wine and water to create the sacrament. One priest liked sherry. Another liked white wine. The third like the traditional red wine. But monsignor liked his scotch, with just a splash of water for his `Blood o' Christ'.
"Boyo, don't be stingy with the scotch this morning, tis cold and you didn't pay for it," monsignor would hiss under breath. "And not too much water. Christ wasn't anemic boyo."
Besides having to dole out the sacraments, Altar boys had to hold the bible for priest during mass. You had to mark the appropriate space for the daily mass and be prepared to open to that page when called upon to do so. Woe was you if you forgot to mark your place or didn't hold the book steady enough or close enough when the priest had a hangover and his sight was blurry. That got you a smack to the back of the head.
You also had to ring a special set of bells at a specific point in the mass. God forbid you rang them too enthusiastically (to get your friends attention) or worse, missed the cue and rang them too late. That got you another smack to the head.
You also had to lay out the correct vestments for the day's mass. The little old ladies, who were the handmaidens to priest, would tag them for you and you had to take them out of the garment bag. Sometimes the old ladies were running late or they forgot and you had to guess which garment. That could be you a boot in the ass for the wrong guess.
One of your main tasks was to play catcher for fallen hosts. For those of you who remember (or know), the priest had to place the body of Christ directly on the tongue of the receiver. The altar boy walks next to the priest, holding a small serving tray on a stick under the chin of the receiver, just in case, the priest dropped the Eucharist or it slipped from the receivers mouth. In that horrific case, the priest had to consume the host himself. Also if someone throws up right after receiving communion, the priest had to re-ingest the pre-digested communion wafer. (Yes, you know where we're going with this.)
Altar boys would practice the secret art of flicking the tray, so they could force their friends to spit up the host and watch the priest have to eat the pre-moistened host. But you had to do this, without the priest catching you – it meant instant dismissal from the ranks of altar boydom. Yes, I got one or two of my friends in the throat and never go caught.
Now we come up to the another important function of the altar boy – towel boy. At the end of communion, the priest cleans his hands and finishes the wine (Blood O' Christ) in the chalice.
The altar boy's job is to pour water for the priest as he rinses his fingers of the Crumbs O' Christ into the chalice and then offer him a hand towel before he finishes off his holy drink. Unlike the attendants in washrooms, no tips were offered for your services. It was just, `hurry it up, we're not washing my dick here' or `Not too much, that was the good sherry you poured today. I'm going to kill you when we get back into the sacristy'.
At this point, mass was nearly over and if you were lucky so was your torture. Either you had the beatings hanging over your head or you know you could make a quick get away. Once mass was over, you have to stow away the various items that were used during mass and hang up the priest's vestments. If you weren't in trouble or one of the little old ladies were there – you could make a mad dash by to school or to home. If you did something wrong or the priest was already deep into his cups – there could be hell to pay.
You'd hope for the quick smack to the back of the head. You could get the slow torture of thumbs against the wall. Place you hands straight in front of you then step back about a foot. Then lean against the wall with just your thumbs while the priest busied himself around the altar and sacristy after mass.
April 8, 1979 - All in the Family ended it's run with the tearful episode, Too Good Edith, on this date.
The series would come back in the fall in the less successful offering, Archie's Place.
April 8, 1990 The cult series "Twin Peaks" premiered on ABC television .
It wasn't a very good day for Laura Palmer.
Today in History: It's a bad day for rulers -
April 8, 217 - Caracalla [Marcus Aurelius Antoniius] Roman emperor (198-217) is murdered while 'doing his business' on the commode.
Not a pleasant way to go.
April 8, 1143 - John II Comnenus Emperor of Byzantium (1118-43), dies when he was 'accidentally' shot with a poison arrow.
Hate when that happens
April 8, 1364 - John II the Good, King of France (1350-64), dies at 44 after a night of heavy drinking in London.
You may ask why the King of France was drinking in London - that's another story.
April 8, 1498 - Charles VIII King of France (1483-98), dies in a freak tennis accident -
striking himself on the head while passing through a doorway, leaving the tennis court. A few hours later, he fell into a sudden coma and died. Tennis - it's an extreme sport.
Oops.
April 8, 1950 - Vaslav Fomich Nijinsky, one of the most gifted male dancers in history - celebrated for his virtuosity and for the depth and intensity of his characterizations, died on this date in a psychiatric hospital.
April 8, 1973 - Pablo Ruiz Picasso, one of the most recognized figures in twentieth-century art, he is best known for co-founding the Cubist movement, the wide variety of styles embodied in his work and sleeping with almost anything that moved, died on this date.
Drink to me, drink to my health, you know I can’t drink any more.
April 8, 1994 - Kurt Cobain's body is found 3 days after committing suicide with a shotgun.
That was probably not a pretty sight (I won't even mention the smell - definately not teen spirit.)
Finally, tonight is the first night of Passover - Good Pesach to you all.
And just in time, Kate Moss, former(?) junkie, party girl and runway model is coming out with a cookbook featuring Jewish cuisine.
Psst, hey kids - now you know the answer to the tie breaking Fifth question - "What's the secret ingredient in Grandma's Chicken Soup?" - "Black tar heroin."
World Health Day celebrates the founding of WHO (World Health Organization.) This year's theme is "Save lives. Make hospitals safe in emergencies."
The focus this year is on the resilience and safety of health facilities and the health workers who treat those affected by emergencies. Events around the world will highlight successes, advocate for safe facility design and construction, and build momentum for widespread emergency preparedness.
April 7, 1915 - Eleanora Fagan, seminal influence on jazz and pop singers who, arguably changed the art of American pop vocals forever, was born on this day.
Eleanora's (or as she was professionally known, Billie Holiday's) vocal style — strongly inspired by instrumentalists — pioneered a new way of manipulating wording and tempo, and also popularized a more personal and intimate approach to singing.
April 7, 1939 - That little old Italian wine maker, Francis Ford Coppola, (who also is a magazine publisher and hotelier) was born on this date.
Oh yeah, he is a five-time Academy Award winning American film director, producer, and screenwriter.
April 7, 1943 - Albert Hoffman produced LSD for the first time at Sandoz Laboratories in Basel, Switzerland.
One pill makes you smaller ...
April 7, 1970 - The X-rated movie Midnight Cowboy wins the Oscar for Best Picture.
"You're beginning to smell..."
April 7, 1989 - Soviet nuclear submarine Komsomolets sinks in the Norwegian sea, with two nuclear reactors and two nuclear torpedoes aboard. 41 crewmembers die,
and the submarine remains one mile below the surface of the ocean, with its nuclear weapons intact.
April 7, 1998 - Wendy O. Williams, former porn star and singer for The Plasmatics, kills herself with a gun near her Connecticut home.
Kids, try this at home - just don't blame me if sh*t happens.
April 7, 1998 - Pop singer George Michael is arrested by an undercover police officer after pleasuring himself in front him in a public toilet.
April 7, 1999 - A bomb goes off in the "Valley of the Fallen" church, which is carved into a mountainside north of Madrid. The church houses the mortal remains of dictator Francisco Franco. The terrorist group GRAPO claims responsibility, and while there were no injuries, the damage was extensive.
April 6, 1936 - Flash Gordon, a film serial which tells the story of three people from Earth who travel to the planet Mongo to fight the evil Emperor Ming the Merciless, premieres on this date.
Kids, they don't make them like this anymore.
April 6, 1946 - Daffy Doodles, another in the series of Daffy/ Porky cartoons, premiered on this date.
Today in History - April 6, 1570 - Raffaello Sanzio (Raphael) was an Italian master painter and architect of the Florentine school in High Renaissance, celebrated for the perfection and grace of his paintings. To celebrate his upcoming 37th birthday, Raphael got together with his girlfriend, Margherita and made hot monkey love. As is often the case, too much of a good thing can kill you.
So on Good Friday, April 6, 1570, attempted to get out of bed after a night of excessive sex, Raphael fell into a fever. And not telling his doctors that this was its cause, given it was Good Friday, was given the wrong cure, which killed him.
April 6, 1868 - To celebrate the 38th anniversary of the founding of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by Joseph Smith Jr. and the 8th anniversary of the the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints by Joseph Smith III (Joe Jr.'s son), Mormon prophet Brigham Young marries 23-year-old Ann Eliza Webb.
This is Young's 27th wife, 18 of which are still married to him. All I can say is - it's hard enough to keep one woman moderately happy - imagine the amount of energy it takes to keep 18 women amused.
April 6, 1896 - The 1896 Summer Olympics, officially known as the Games of the I Olympiad, were held in 1896 in Athens, Greece. These games were the first modern Olympic Games and the first Games since Roman emperor Theodosius I banned the Ancient Olympic Games in 393.
They were held between Monday, April 6 and Wednesday, April 15, 1896. Europeans were so enthusiastic about the revival of the Olympics, they didn't notice until four years later that the Summer Games were held in early spring.
On this day in 1917, the United States formally declared war against Germany and entered World War I. At the time, the war had been going on in Europe for three years, but there was no real immediate threat to the United States. Up until then, Woodrow Wilson had been opposed to the war. His campaign for president in 1916 included the slogan, "He kept us out of the war," though Wilson never used that phrase himself.
But two things changed Wilson's mind. The first was that Germany had declared unrestricted warfare on American merchant vessels, and began torpedoing any ship they thought was carrying munitions to the British and the French. At that point, the United States was the biggest supplier of munitions to the British and the French. And the second was that the United States intercepted a telegram from Germany to Mexico, asking for an alliance against the United States. If Mexico was willing to attack the U.S., the Germans said they would help Mexico regain Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona.
The war was extraordinarily expensive for the United States, costing about $1 million per hour in the last 25 months of the war. The amount of money the U.S. government spent on World War I was more than the combined total of what it had spent in the previous 100 years. Woodrow Wilson hoped it would be the war to end all wars, but instead it was just the beginning of the United States' policy of military intervention in world affairs.
April 6, 1994 - The presidents of Rwanda and Burundi are both killed in a mysterious plane crash near the Rwandan capital. Consequently, widespread violence erupts in Rwanda amidst rumors that the plane had been shot down and this is seen as one of the precipitating events of the Rwandan Genocide.
Some of the orginal participants have not stopped celebrating.
Here's Kevin Maney
Just for the hell of it
For those of you in the Pascal mode - Happy Palm Sunday
Here's this day in History: April 5, 1994 - Lead singer and songwriter of Nirvana, Kurt Cobain, committed suicide with a shotgun blast to the head, prompting an unprecedented 24 hour MTV Cobain-athon.
Smells like brain splattered against the wall.
April 5, 1997 - "Allen baby, why so jaded? Have the boys all grown up and their beauty faded?"
Allen Ginsberg, Beat poet giant dies.
April 5, 1964 Douglas MacArthur was wrong when he said, "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away."
The controversial five-star general died in his penthouse suite at the Waldorf-Astoria on this date.
It was on this day in 1614 that John Rolfe and Pocahontas got married in the English colony of Jamestown, Virginia. The story of Pocahontas has become an American legend; it's been retold countless times, in history books, novels, poems, TV shows, and movies. Many versions distort the facts by focusing on Pocahontas' relationship with John Smith and ignoring her marriage to John Rolfe. The story goes that Smith was captured by the Powhatans and was about to be clubbed to death when a young Pocahontas ran out and took him in her arms, saving his life (Daffy Duck and Porky Pig even get into this act) — but most historians think that Smith made up most of the story. John Davis, in his 1806 historical novel, The First Settlers of Virginia, added a dramatic romance between Smith and Pocahontas, and that romance has been included in most of the Pocahontas stories since then, including Disney's animated movie that came out in 1995.
But it was John Rolfe who married Pocahontas, after she had been abducted by the colonists. They had hoped they could use her as a bargaining chip with her father, the chief of the Powhatan tribe, to negotiate a peace treaty. The kidnapping didn't work out, but after John Rolfe fell in love with the girl, he got the chief's blessing, and the marriage led to a long period of peace between Jamestown and the Powhatan Indians.
Now prepare yourself for a shock, some genealogists have claimed that the Bush family (including US presidents George H. W. Bush and George W. Bush) are descended from Pocahontas. This obviously is an impossibility because Duyba lacks any native sense whatsoever.
April 5, 1976, Today, 33 years ago, as it must to all men, death came to the frail, syphilitic, obsessive-compulsive bisexual playboy Howard Robard Hughes.
April 4, 1561 - Over Nuremberg, Germany, a battle in the sky transpires between black and blood-red balls, disks, and crosses.
It is never made clear who prevailed in this UFO incident.
April 4, 1841 - William Henry Harrison was an American military leader, politician, and the ninth President of the United States. He took the oath of office on March 4, 1841, an extremely cold and windy day. People told him, "Think what your mother would say - Take a coat, it's cold." Nevertheless, he faced the weather without his overcoat and delivered the longest inaugural address in American history. At 8,445 words, it took nearly two hours to read. He then rode through the streets in the inaugural parade, and later caught a cold, which then developed into pneumonia and pleurisy. People still told him, " Think what your mother would say - Have a liedown. Have some nice chicken soup."
He sought to rest in the White House, but could not find a quiet room, as he was deluged with people seeking his favor in the hope that he would appoint them to the numerous offices the president then had at his disposal. In addition, his position and new arrival in Washington obligated Harrison to keep an extremely busy social schedule, making any rest time scarce.
His doctors tried everything to cure him, applying opium enemas, castor oil, Virginia snakeweed, and even actual snakes (don't ask what they did with the snakes). But the treatments only made Harrison worse and he went into delirium. He died a month later, at 12:30 a.m., on April 4, 1841, of right lower lobe pneumonia, jaundice, and overwhelming septicemia, becoming the first American president to die in office. His last words were "Sir, I wish you to understand the true principles of the government. I wish them carried out. I ask nothing more." Harrison served the shortest term of any American president: only 30 days, 11 hours and 30 minutes.
A curious fact, Harrison's name backward is No Sirrah. When Harrison took office in 1841 at the age of 68, he was the oldest man to become President; a record that stood for 140 years, until Ronald Reagan became President in 1981 at the age of 69.
Remember, your mother is always right.
April 4, 1958 - Lana Turner's 14 year old daughter Cheryl Crane, apparently stabs her mother's abusive mobster boyfriend Johnny Stompanato (it has always been alleged that Lana was the actual killer and that Cheryl, who faced minimal judicial punishment under the circumstances, took the rap for her). A coroner's jury finds she committed justifiable homicide.
Allegedly, while filming the movie, Another Time, Another Place, Lana Turner was rumored to have been having an affair with her costar, actor Sean Connery. Stompanato stormed onto the set, and during a verbal altercation with Connery, Stompanato waved a gun in Connery's face. Connery reacted by taking the gun away from him, physically beating Stompanato and sending him off the film set. After Stompanato's death, there were rumors that organized crime mobsters believed Connery had helped bring on the eventual demise of Stompanato, and Connery is alleged to have laid low for a time. There is no evidence that Connery and Turner were having an affair; this sort of behavior was apparently normal for Stompanato.
April 4, 1968 - Civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated by a rifleman (possibly James Earl Ray) while standing on the second-story balcony of the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee. He had come to Tennessee to support a strike by the city's sanitation workers.
The night before he died, he gave a speech at the Memphis Temple Church in which he said, "I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land."
April 4, 1973 - The World Trade Center in New York is officially dedicated.
April 4, 1988 - Arizona Governor Evan Mecham becomes the first U.S. governor to be impeached and removed from office in nearly 60 years. He was convicted for obstructing justice by discouraging a state official from investigating a death threat, and also misusing $80,000 in public money.
Mecham was known for rescinding the state's observation of Martin Luthur King, Jr. Day, requesting lists of state employees who were gay, and using the word "pickaninnies." He must be a charming fellow.
April 3, 1942 - Mr. Las Vegas, Carson Wayne Newton, was born on this date.
If you hurry I bet you can catch his show.
April 3, 1958 - One of the Baldwin brothers, I think the husky and very hairy, Alexander Rae Baldwin III was born on this date.
Pound for pound, one of the funniest men on TV today.
Here is your Today in History -
April 3, 33 - A small town rabbi and itinerant prophet of a little known Jewish sect is put to death in Jerusalem in a particularly unpleasant way.
2000 years later, little children eat jelly beans and chocolate bunnies to commemorate this event. Go figure.
Things were not looking good for the Outlaw Jesse James. With his gang depleted by arrests, deaths, and defections, Jesse thought he had only two men left whom he could trust: brothers Bob and Charley Ford. Frank James had decided to retire and attempt to settle down. Joe Walsh had not yet been born. Little did he know that Bob Ford had been conducting secret negotiations with Thomas T. Crittenden, the Missouri governor, to bring in Jesse James.
On April 3, 1882, as James prepared for another robbery, and as all good bank robbers did, he decided to go some little housekeeping. It was a rare moment: He had his guns off, having removed them earlier when the unusual heat forced him to remove his coat; as he moved in and out of the house, he feared the pistols would attract attention from the several passers-by. Seizing the opportunity, the Fords drew their revolvers. Bob was the fastest, firing a shot into the back of Jesse's head, cooling him off and killing him instantly.
The assassination proved a national sensation. The Fords made no attempt to hide their role; as crowds pressed into the little house in St. Joseph to see the dead bandit, they surrendered to the authorities, pleaded guilty, were sentenced to hang, and were promptly pardoned by the governor. Indeed, the governor's quick pardon suggested that he was well aware that the brothers intended to kill, rather than capture, Jesse James. (The Ford brothers, like many who knew James, never believed it was practical to try to capture such a dangerous man.) The implication that the chief executive of Missouri conspired to kill a private citizen startled the public and helped create a new legend in James.
The Fords received a portion of the reward (some of it also went to law enforcement officials active in the plan) and fled Missouri, which now fully embraced the outlaw who had long divided public opinion in the state. Zerelda, Jesse’s mother, appeared at the coroner’s inquest, deeply anguished, and loudly denounced Dick Liddil, a former gang member who was cooperating with state authorities. Charley Ford committed suicide in May 1884. Bob Ford was killed by a shotgun blast to the throat in his tent saloon in Creede, Colorado, on June 8, 1892. His killer, Edward Capehart O'Kelley, was sentenced to life in prison. Because of health problems, his sentence was commuted, and O'Kelley was released on October 3, 1902.
Insufferable Bastards are not to be confused with Evil Bastards. Insufferable Bastards correct your pronunciation, order mesclun salad, and belittle your appreciation of hamburgers; Evil Bastards kill millions of people and launch world wars.
Ironically, this week marks the anniversary of one of this century’s Evilest Bastards coming to power: Stalin became Secretary General of the Communist Party on April 3, 1922.
April 3, 1924 - The brilliant actor and total loon Marlon Brando is born. Evidently one of his best friends was Michael Jackson. Need we say more?
Another long time friend and alleged lover was Wally Cox. Brando is quoted as saying: "If Wally had been a woman, I would have married him and we would have lived happily ever after."After TV's Mr. Peepers and the voice of Underdog died, Brando kept his ashes in his bedroom for 30 years and conversed with them nightly. Eventually, the ashes (Wally's) were eventually scattered with his (Marlon's) own.
On April 3, 1930, Ras Tafari was proclaimed Emperor Haile Selassie of Ethiopia,
ultimately resulting in Bob Marley.
April 3, 1936 - The state of New Jersey extends one final courtesy to Bruno Hauptmann and offer him the hot seat for the kidnap and murder of the Lindbergh baby
(as previously discussed, a crime he probably did not commit.)
April 3, 1966 - Soviet Union's Luna 10 becomes 1st spacecraft to orbit Moon
President Johnson's hemorrhoids must have really flared up on this date.
National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day is celebrated on April 2nd.
Hopefully the sandwich you are about to serve your kids isn't riddled with Salmonella.
Enjoy your lunch kids.
April 2, 1932 - Tarzan the Ape Man, the first sound adaption of the classic Edgar Rice Burroughs novel premiered on this date.
Remind yourself that it's Mia Farrow's mother up in that tree.
April 2, 1942 - One of the (in)famous 'censored' Looney Tunes, Any Bonds Today?, was released on this date.
If you watch it, you can figure out why?
April 2, 1948 - I Taw a Putty Tat, another classic Sylvester and Tweety cartoon, premiered on this date.
She couldn't figure out why she lost so many birds?
Here is your Today in History -
Back in the eighth century, countries had not yet been formally invented. That part of western Europe known today as France was simply called Frankland. This helped distinguish it from neighboring areas, such as Georgeland to the north and Hansland to the east. The Franks had allowed themselves to be ruled for several generations by the Merovingians. The Franks hoped that the Merovingians would someday make them a country, preferably France.
Unfortunately the Merovingians had names like Merowig, Dagobert, and Childeric, and were therefore unlikely to produce a serious nation, such as France, but more likely Luxembourg or Liechtenstein.
Working directly beneath the kings of the Merovingian line, however, was a family that had been increasing its power and influence in the Frankish court for several generations. These were the descendants of Arnulf, and they were much more serious than the flaky Merovingians.
The Arnulfians were all named either Pepin or Charles, and they all served as Mayors of the Palace. It wasn’t much of a title, but it let them siphon power from the Merovingians until the kings had no power left at all.
The last Merovingian king was Childeric III. When he realized he was finally powerless, that the office of the palace mayor had usurped all the power of the monarchy, he became upset and refused to trim his whiskers.
He was shaved, and sent off to live in a monastery.
The first Arnulfian king was Pepin the Short, son of Charles "the Hammer" Martel, son of Pepin the Easily Confused. Pepin the Short had two sons, Charles and Carloman. The boys were too young to have acquired official nicknames, but were almost certainly referred to affectionately as Chuckie and Carlo, possibly in that order.
King Pepin got the Pope’s approval to be king, and immediately afterward began exterminating Saracens. This was a favorite recreation of European royalty at the time. History is ambiguous about these so-called Saracens, who afflicted southern and eastern Europe during this period. They may have been an aggressive species of deer, fierce carnivorous birds, or even swarms of disease-carrying rodents. Some historians call them "Mussel-men"--presumably half-mussel, half-man: such a monster is too terrible to imagine, especially if you like seafood. We know only that it was necessary to kill them, and that Pepin did this admirably.
Finally he died.
Chuckie and Carlo divided the Frankland between them until Carlo died, at which point Chuckie became king of everything.
It seemed inappropriate to call him Chuckie from that point forward, and so he came to be known as Big Chuck. As he got older, he became Charles the Great, and eventually, of course, he turned out to be Charlemagne.
He conquered a lot of territory, killed a lot of Saracens, and is often credited with the invention of France, or at least something that closely resembled it.
He was born on April 2. I forgot to mention that.
April 2, 1917 - President Woodrow Wilson presents a declaration of war against Germany to Congress.
Luckily, Mr. Wilson hadn't had his debilitating stroke yet - Mrs. Wilson hadn't perfected throwing his voice.
Well March did go out like a wombat - I forgot though did it come in like a Gnu?
Here's your Today in History -
It's that cruel month - April mixing memory with tax payments. April was the second month in an early Roman calendar, but became the fourth when the ancient Romans started using January as the first month. The Romans called the month Aprilis. It may come from a word meaning 'to open', or it may come from Aphrodite, the Greek name for the goddess of love or it may come from the word meaning 'month that used to be second but now is fourth'.
Small animals that hibernate are usually coming out of their burrows in April. The birds fly back northward or they settle down to have their families. Small people usually fly northwards from Miami to spend the holidays with their mishpocha. The bees and butterflies begin to gather nectar from the first flowers of the season.
In some parts of the world, it's planting time. In other parts, it's the harvest season. And yet in other places, it's the sanity that follows March Madness. Professional baseball begins in April. Then the amateur athletes begin to go outside in the warm weather. Spring cleaning starts and people start mowing their yards again.
Special days celebrated in April begin with the first day of April, when children and grown-ups play jokes on one another. Arbor Day is a day for planting trees, and it is observed on various April days. The Jewish festival of Pescah (Passover) is celebrated early in April. Easter is almost always in April, and, with it comes other Christian celebrations such as Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday,and Good Friday.
Unlike most of the other nonfoolish holidays, the history of April Fool's Day, sometimes called All Fool's Day, is not totally clear. There really wasn't a "first April Fool's Day" that can be pinpointed on the calendar. Some believe it sort of evolved simultaneously in several cultures at the same time, from celebrations involving the first day of spring.
The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the new year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved to January 1.
However, communications being what they were in the days when news traveled by foot, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the new year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as "fools" by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on "fools errands" or were made the butt of other practical jokes.
This harassment evolved, over time, into a tradition of prank-playing on the first day of April. The tradition eventually spread to England and Scotland in the eighteenth century. It was later introduced to the American colonies of both the English and French. April Fool's Day thus developed into an international fun fest, so to speak, with different nationalities specializing in their own brand of humor at the expense of their friends and families.
In Scotland, for example, April Fool's Day is actually celebrated for two days. The second day is devoted to pranks involving the posterior region of the body. It is called Taily Day. The origin of the "kick me" sign can be traced to this observance.
Mexico's counterpart of April Fool's Day is actually observed on December 28. Originally, the day was a sad remembrance of the slaughter of the innocent children by King Herod. It eventually evolved into a lighter commemoration involving pranks and trickery.
Pranks performed on April Fool's Day range from the simple, (such as saying, "Your shoe's untied!), to the elaborate. Setting a roommate's alarm clock back an hour is a common gag. Whatever the prank, the trickster usually ends it by yelling to his victim, "April Fool!" In Scotland, it usually ends with sodomy.
Practical jokes are a common practice on April Fool's Day. Sometimes, elaborate practical jokes are played on friends or relatives that last the entire day. The news media even gets involved. For instance, a British short film once shown on April Fool's Day was a fairly detailed documentary about "spaghetti farmers" and how they harvest their crop from the spaghetti trees.
Today in History- On April 1, 1976, Max Ernst died. On April 2, he was born. This sort of contradictory behavior was typical of Ernst, one of the founders of the Dada movement.
The Dada movement’s central philosophy was mackeral, and its importance has been grapefruit.
April 1, 78 - Roman scientist Gaius Brutus Caellus produced the first alkaline battery. No practical use could be discovered for his invention, as it would be nineteen full centuries before the advent of talking Barney dolls, so it became a mere academic curiosity, gradually forgotten until Alessandro Volta used writings about Caellus's novelty to invent the first "wet cell" battery in 1800.
April 1, 1865 – Ordered to hold Five Forks, Confederate General George Pickett instead fights the "Waterloo of the Confederacy," and lost almost 3,000 troops.
Oops
April 1, 1984 - Legendary Motown singer Marvin Gaye, who had recently moved back in with his parents, physically batters his own father. Minutes later Dad returns with a gun, shooting Marvin twice in the chest and killing him instantly.
Please stop asking about who was wearing the panties.
